Monthly Archives: August 2013

Guard Your Heart

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Above all else guard your heart,
For everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23

Every time I go to the hospital for my post transplant follow-up checkups, they check my weight and take my blood pressure, oxygen level and pulse. Then they take 3-11 vials of blood to run scores of tests. They listen to my breathing and check my heart. They often know more about what is going on inside my body than I do.

But as important as all these tests are, there is another test that we should check throughout each day: what is the condition of my spiritual heart? Am I hopeful, joyful? Or are my thoughts frequently marked by fear and negativity? Does my heart reflect grace or irritability? I’ve found my heart quite unguarded this past week. Not the whole time but enough to cause problems. You know the feeling: growing pressures and troubles mount on top of each other without relief. Thoughts focus on managing or succumbing to the problems. The solution: guard your heart. Cultivate increasing awareness of God’s grace and joy in the midst of the battle. Maybe you can do this once a day. I know I have to keep this in check throughout the day, many times.

Light comes from light. It never comes from the darkness of an unguarded heart.

Get up!

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In the famed Karate Kid series, underdog Daniel has to overcome seemingly unsurmountable odds to defeat an unethical yet powerful foe. Time after time Daniel is pounded to the ground and it seems there is no hope of achieving success. Much attention is given to the final scene where the badly wounded Daniel returns to competition despite the recommendation of the physician. In a daring move he assumes the ‘Crane’ position, jumps into the air and defeats his charging foe with a single front kick to the chin. While this is an utterly amazing feat, I think it is not the point of the story. The point is Daniel didn’t stay down. He got up. Time after time he got up to face the new challenge, believing that truth and goodness will prevail.

Life is like that. Not many people escape the ongoing attack of at least one daunting foe. Be it a physical challenge that lasts for a season or for a life, an emotional challenge to stay positive, a relationship disappointment that seems hopeless. . . foes confront us and often knock us down. The question is, do we stay down. It is tempting, especially when to get up means certain continued pain. Staying down seems to be the more comfortable option. I’ve been there, haven’t you? Sometimes it takes me an hour strugglng to find courage to get up out of bed and walk to the recliner, or to take a bite of food I know will upset my stomach.

But we can’t stay down for long because the agony of hopeless defeat will crush us more than the attacks of our foe. At some point we have to get up if only to endure the day. (and then again tomorrow and the next day)

Where do we find the strength to get up in such demanding situations? It must be in believing the truth that is found in what is unseen, not in the lie that is presented before us: It does matter that we get up. Our efforts are not wasted. Whatever we face is not the whole story. There is more that remains to be revealed to us. We might not win this battle, we might not be healed in the way we desire, but we must not lose heart. We have to get up.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Medical Update: Graft Versus Host Disease

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Graft Versus Host Disease (GVHD) has now settled in. This disease is common to post transplant patients and can occur at any time and range in severity from mild to life threatening. Certainly from a medical diagnosis viewpoint my current situation is mild, though each new symptom chips away at quality of life.

GVHD occurs when the graft, my donor cells which now comprise all of my blood and bone marrow, interprets my old DNA (my tissue and organs) as a threat and attacks it. Doctor’s prescribe medicine to keep GVHD at bay and they have now doubled the dose of those meds and given me a steroid cream to help with the maddening nighttime itching. (THAT has been a relief.) As with everything in this journey, the medications come with undesired side effects.

This is not unlike the “graft versus host” and “host versus graft” condition we all face spiritually. We are the host and whatever spirit we let enter and influence our lives becomes the graft. When we let worldly spirits (greed, bitterness, selfishness, laziness, divisiveness, pride, etc) guide us, they come to battle with our sense of right. We have little if any power to fight this battle on our own. When we invite the Spirit of God to control us, we are soon convicted of our ego-centric ways of thinking and behaving and the battle is on to grow a healthy heart and peaceful and loving life. In this case, it is Host Versus Graft Disease that should concern us, and the question is whether we will accept and use the power given to us to live victoriously through the battle.

Spiritually, God allows me the choice to accept or reject Him in hundreds of daily decisions I make, and because I am quite an imperfect host, I am aware of this truth. The difference between these two is that Jesus doesn’t reject me. His love and power is offered freely to me. How do we fight Host Versus Graft Disease? It comes only from humbly submitting to the love and convicting power of Jesus; only from doing what Jesus said: deny self and follow me. If we don’t, dare we call ourselves Christian?

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

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1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I’m sure there are other regrets, such as I wish I would have truthfully answered the question: “What difference does the resurrection of Jesus mean to my life?”

The choices we make (or don’t make) today cumulatively impact our lifelong dreams, our happiness, and ultimately our ability to bear the light that has been given us. Choose a full life – both in this world and in the next.

No good deed goes unpunished?

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Of course this sarcastic adage is not true, but have you ever feel that way?

A story is told about a poor lady who had written a letter to God about her plight in life:
A man who worked in a post office was in charge of processing all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in shaky handwriting to God. He thought, “I better open this one and see what it’s all about.” So he opened it and it read the letter to God from an older lady whose purse had been stolen and with it $100 intended to purchase a fine dinner for her two last two friends. She went on to say she had no one to turn to and asked if He would help her.

The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. in all, they collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done. A few days later came another letter from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was read. It read, “Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?” “Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. ” “By the way, there was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those thieving ‘no goods’ at the post office!”

Apologies to any postal workers, but sometimes it goes that way doesn’t it? An act of kindness goes unappreciated or unrecognized. I remember feeling so badly when I was in my first 60 day hospital stay…Scores of get well cards had come in, including one with a gift card to help with gas costs. Unfortunately, the card had become separated from the envelope it came in and I found myself with no way to express appreciation to the giver.

Perhaps some gifts are meant to be anonymous, and perhaps some of the best ones are. I remember a discussion with my friend Ray Buckman, who has now passed on to heaven. Our discussion that day was on growing our faith to the point we were not even aware of the good we do, lest we become somehow prideful over the deed.

Go light your world with recklessly unknown acts of kindness.

“But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” Matthew 6:3

Do You Know YOU?

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I remember years ago, teaching a values clarification class on stress management to a group of persons with mental illness. The point of the lesson was on the importance of aligning what we do with who we are and what we value. I’ll never forget one young man raising his hand and saying, “You mean when we act in a way that goes against what we really value, it causes us stress?” A smile came across my face at the truth that was grasped. (This young man went on to apply this truth to his life, move out of the institution, married, and is living a fulfilling life today.)

Every day we make decisions, big and small that either align with our values or defy them. Emotionally, we feel crummy so we decide to eat things that violate our sense of wellbeing. We get upset with a coworker or worker in the market when sharing PEACE of mind would have been more helpful than giving them a PIECE of our mind. We spend time in so many ways other than with the people we care about. We worry instead of drawing on faith. The list goes on.

A.W. Tozer shares a self discovery checklist that we can use to take a snapshot inventory of our motivations, ambitions and activities and match them against what we value in our lives. It’s a good exercise that keeps or current path in check with our goals. On one side of a piece of paper answer the “questions” briefly. On the right side of the paper, write your truly valued response. None of us take a perfect straight path. Question any disconnect as an opportunity for correcting your course.

“Rules for Self Discovery:
1. What we want most;
2. What we think about most;
3. How we use our money;
4. What we do with our leisure time;
5. The company we enjoy;
6. Who and what we admire;
7. What we laugh at.”
― A.W. Tozer

How Does Your Light Shine?

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How well does your light shine these days? Do others around you even know you have light, or is it hidden? Yes, actions often do speak louder than words, and character speaks louder than actions, but that doesn’t mean we have to choose. We can use all means to let our light shine. Not just by quoting scripture, but by allowing others to see us for who we are.

A dear friend stopped by for a visit recently (and milkshakes :-)). I liked the message on the card they left:

“Some people strengthen our society just by being the kind of people they are.” – John Gardner

What we do to bring light into the world flows out of the type of person we are. By being ourselves we give others the gift of a transparent friend.
And when we become more transparent before those who are close to us, we build understanding and trust. It is important that others see light and hope in the context of our own dark circumstances. It brings reality to our life and light to theirs.

Don’t just ‘do.’ BE the light of the world in the unique way that God created you.

Jesus said, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

Our Role in Keeping Evil In Check

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“Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I have found that it is the small everyday tasks of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.”
(JRR Tolkien)

There was a moving story moving across the internet years ago. A high school girl was walking home behind a fellow classmate. He was not popular at all and in fact had no real friends. At one point in the homeward journey he dropped his books on the sidewalk and she stopped to help. As she helped, she showed interest in him and spoke some brief words of encouragement. The young man confided in her that she was the first person to show any compassion to him, and that in fact he had been intending to commit suicide that evening when he got home from school. But he said, her one act of kindness had given him renewed hope.

Go Light Your World today. And let’s pay attention to those around us. There is more at stake than is apparent to the eye!

Leukemia Update: A Journey of Perseverance

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Generally races are meant to be run fast, to be the first one to finish and win the prize. Four months after my stem cell transplant and eight months into this journey with Leukemia, I am still a novice at this marathon. But I know this: there is no fast about it. In fact, sometimes walking across the room before sitting down again makes it hardly seem like a race at all. But it is a long-range marathon of perseverance.

The last two months has been marked by loss of appetite, weight loss, and stomach distress. The docs don’t know what is causing it. Our theory is that the treatments killed all the good and bad bacteria in my GI system. Docs say it could take a year or two to build that up again (really?!) and that probiotics are out of the question because of their link to death in post transplant patients. Apart from the very occasional bouts that double me over, most of it doesn’t seem like it should be a big deal compared to the score of other symptoms Leukemia patients, including myself, face.

But have you ever noticed in your own life how some pain, though not as intense as others you have faced none the less carries a similarly heavy weight? Whether it is a relational tension, a financial burden, or a physical pain, there is something about the cumulative effect of an ongoing pain. That’s where it becomes a marathon of perseverance.

What gets you through those difficult times, when it is months, years, maybe decades or a lifetime of waiting for resolution? Though I have sometimes been known for my tenacity, in this situation, I have found there is no simple “gritting your teeth and bearing it” because it completely wears you down. (My accomplishment for this whole day was to change a light bulb today…with Marcia’s help… and that is more than I’ve done in a week.) There are times you think you can bear no more. It has only been God’s enduring response to enduring faith that is a suitable answer to Leukemia. Faith is grown day by day, sometimes moment by moment, by believing God’s Word and finding it to be true and applicable in every aspect of your life. It is finding real hope to be not a wish, but a reality not yet revealed.

Got faith? We need it to persevere the marathon race when trials come our way. The time for building faith and believing God’s promises is now.

“…because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:3-4

Putting God On Hold

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Author Sarah Young observes that, “Most people put God on hold. The longer they do this the less likely they will find time to do so later. They have bought into the myth that more activity is better. The world will continue spinning if we put it on hold and make quiet time with God a priority.”

Do you think this is true? Do you think it true not only for “the world” but also the church, that is believers? I look out my window and see dozens of hibiscus growing, and I know they don’t toil or worry. But then I think, “They don’t have a mortgage or other demands we have.” The truth is, it is easy to get distracted and tempting to put important things on hold while we deal with necessary activities of life.

However, we can, without much difficulty, train ourselves to find quiet moments with God throughout the day: just before or after we get out of bed, before each meal, before we transition from one task or appointment to another, at the end of the day.

But the task before us isn’t just to find more time for God. Our quiet times with God allow us to find God IN the things that necessarily grab our attention. Then we discover a life worth living!