Monthly Archives: April 2014

THIS side of the door

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Yesterday, we contemplated the discipline that allows us to see with faith, the other side of the door from where we stand. That is, to remember and take great hope in the truth that these present struggles are temporary. Yes, there is pain and suffering, disappointment and sorrow. But have hope. Heaven will wipe away every tear and there will be no more sorrow.

But what about the here and now? Is there hope and faith that allows us to participate in the higher glories, the richer joys, right now? Indeed, though it is a disciplined choice perhaps not many are eager to whole heartedly pursue. I confess that sometimes it seems too much a chore for me. But in fact the real chore that tires me most is ignoring its truth and trying to find my own way.

Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is upon us. Yes, we have to wait to experience it fully. But the gift of the Holy Spirit, Jesus’s promised presence IN US, allows us to experience a real part of heaven right now, on this side of the door. We can practice using our spiritual senses in ways similar to our earthly ones.

We can be touched by and touch others with His grace.
He can ask Jesus to see others and ourselves through His eyes.
We can hear His Spirit speak to us in our troubles and joys.
We can wake up and smell the fragrant aroma of Jesus’ love.
We can taste the goodness of God.
We can experience more fully what Jesus has already accomplished for us and in us.

Yes, we are on the other side of the door for the present moment. But practice using your spiritual senses and don’t be afraid to let difficult times help you awaken to what is on the other side and available to you even now. They will help us experience the power of faith, hope, and love even now. The kingdom of God has come upon you. Luke 10:9

The other side of the door

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Have you ever watched an amazing nature scene on TV or in a movie and wished you could jump right into the picture? Or perhaps you’ve actually been in a marvelous place filled with wonder and beauty, but found that you wanted to interact with the environment in an even richer manner. We see the sunshine and feel its warmth and yet walk into the house and have lost it already. We revel in the beauty of the colors of the earth, their textures and sounds, yet we do not become entwined with them. We remain partly in and partly out of the scene.

That is a bit like our participation of so much of life.
“At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see.” C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

We experience some happiness but find lasting joy, that contentment with the fullness of life, so evasive. We work hard, enduring much drudgery and stress, so as to attain a few moments or a day of rest. We play hard when we have a chance but miss the power of quiet moments of celebration that restore us. It has been said that we worship our work, we work at our play, and we play at our worship, delegating the latter to an hour a week.

But be encouraged, there is an answer to our dilemma and faith is the key to opening the door so we can see the other side. We know that faith allows us to see the end of this life and at least a faint image of the next. That time when we will be filled with the glory of God to a degree not fully experienced here in these mortal and temporary bodies. We will not just be spectators, but will participate fully in the wonder of the glory of the Lord. What an eternal day of rejoicing that will be! Now we hurt and grieve but then there will be no more tears, no more sorrow. Now we play with childish games but then we will pick up joy that satisfies completely.

Can you allow this image to guard your heart and mind even now? Yes, we are perhaps on the ‘wrong’ side of the door to experience it fully. But a faith that grows such vision brings great hope for the present moment too. More on this, ‘heaven on earth,’ in tomorrow’s post. For the time being, reward yourself with a quiet moment to contemplate the wonder of being in the presence of God. He wills it and invites you to have such hope.

One year medical update

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Yesterday, 4-4-14, was my one year transplant anniversary. I got a Mickey Mouse birthday card congratulating on being one year old. 🙂 Marcia made cookies for the unit staff, the schedulers, and my treatment team as thank you. One of the unit nurses gave testimony to how well her life has gone since praying with us a year ago. (That is entirely a God incident and reminder to all of us that our mission field is wherever we are at the time!)

Progress is slow but good. I got permission to use pools and hot tubs (not that we have either) and to do light yard work when strength allows. My blood tests are all good and improving, which means organs are doing well.

The ongoing fatigue seems to be related now more to the general immaturity of my immune system rather than the amount of blood cells. Another year plus will help. PT is helping reduce muscle soreness and increase flexibility and strength, ever so slowly. Good news is that lab tests and visits, which started daily, then went to weekly and then monthly are now every 6 weeks. That is a good sign and will also be a relief to the personal budget. Since I lost all my childhood vaccines, I need all these repeated, at least the non-live ones like Polio, DPT, Hepatitis B, and several others. Those were put off due to sinusitis and cough.

My “big needle” bone marrow aspiration went well today. We have been experimenting with the twilight and pain meds. I think the dose we landed on today did well, enough to make me forget the procedure and pain but not so much as to make waking up difficult. It is always humbling to find out what I say when under the influence of those meds. I had focused on memorized scripture and evidently was reciting those aloud, sometimes with modifications. Marcia said I added, “Blessed are those who are really good at giving shots….and wouldn’t a Dove chocolate bar taste good right now!” 🙂 I have said more embarrassing things in previous biopsy procedures!

So all is good just now. When I look back at all the really bad times (Failure to thrive, chemo burns, GI distress, etc) I am amazed at how God has acted, often through my team, to heal me of dozens of painful maladies! And also how His daily compassions and mercy have sustained me. One of the lessons Marcia and I are learning on this journey is to not dwell too much on the bad and instead look more on God’s goodness in the land of the living.

May you be so blessed also in enjoying what blessing each day has to offer!

Hope while you wait

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In addition to visiting with my sister who spoiled us during our memory making trip, and walking in the mountains, we were very glad to finally meet Jill Giallanza. Jill’s family and ours have been praying for each other over the last two years. When her husband went to heaven last spring, I felt I had lost a good friend I never had met. So meeting Jill at my sister’s house was a real blessing.

We talked about lessons learned during the struggles we each face and the hurts experienced in the journey. But also evident in Jill’s sharing was the real and sustaining hope in the reunion one day in heaven (what a day of rejoicing that will be!). Hope in knowing that deep dark places of great pressure are where gems are formed. As Pastor Dale said, “What is restored is worth more than it was before.” Hope in realizing the promise of God’s sufficient grace and strength in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Hope in waiting for the One who is always faithful, whose timing is never late.

Most of the time, that is our focus with this walk through Leukemia. Today marks the one year anniversary of my stem cell transplant, another “new life” anniversary. And still we wait, in hope, for the healing, restoration, and repurposing of our lives yet to come.

It is difficult to wait, isn’t it? We all want answers and resolution to our problems right now.  But wait we must when so much of life is beyond our control. Sometimes we have to wait for God’s presence to be made more evident in our daily life.  Are you waiting on God for an answer to prayer? We have a choice: wait in anxiety or wait in faith. Be strong and courageous because you wait on real promises that will not disappoint. “Say YES to your life, trusting God in your struggles.” (Sarah Young)

Be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

 

 

Restoration: From Grief to Glory

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Another highlight of our recent memory maker trip was going to church with my sister at the Heart For The World church in Las Cruces, New Mexico. It was obviously a community that lived its mission: Believe – Belong – Become, where everyone was accepted and embraced regardless of appearance or background. I was impressed with the gentle spirit with which pastor Dale Walker approached people and delivered a great message called “From Grief To Glory,” based on the Book of Ruth.

Pastor Dale lovingly reminded us that God is the restorer and redeemer of our broken lives. You know how you feel when you are broken, without hope or strength, lost, perhaps confused. Great disappointments are moments when we sometimes question our value and purpose in life.  Hopelessness is the biggest destroyer of lives and the second leading cause of teenage death. But God wants to restore us and repurpose us for His glory. And it is in the crucible of suffering and brokenness that we find ourselves ready for such transformation.

Our inheritance is found when the time comes to let go of our grief and transform it to its new and higher purpose. If the grief is our own doing, repentance is God’s gift, a second chance to make right on an old hurt so that healing and restoration can come.  And just as Ruth was a steadfast friend to Naomi, and key to her restoration, so we also need to live life with friends and carry each other’s burdens. (Galatians 6:1-2)

Think about one friend who has stuck with you through the fire of grief. Name one friend who you need to stick with. What area of your life do you want God to restore? He has a restoration party ready for you (Zechariah 9:12, Luke 15:10). Come all the way home and enjoy the celebration.

I will comfort all who mourn. Isaiah 61:2-3

The Lord is my shepherd…He restores my soul. Psalm 23:2

 

 

 

What mountains do you face?

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One of the highlights of our recent memory maker trip was to hike in the mountains. I ended up being sick most of the trip, but God allowed sufficient strength and short breaks from the illness to take two hikes, one in the Organ Mountains near Las Cruces, New Mexico and after a few days’ rest, another in the Franklin Mountains outside of El Paso. Neither would normally be extremely difficult climbs but they both provided challenge for this Leukemic body.

??????????My sister took a photo of me on an easy part of the hike and facing “my mountain.” She thought it symbolic of the challenges we face and our necessity for perseverance in the journey. I was simply trying to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation while finding the balance between pushing myself to a goal and not overdoing it.

As I was resting on one of many boulder ‘rest stops’ I contemplated how terrifying and exciting it would have been to experience the moment when God told the mountains to rise. I also think about the mountains we all face in our lives. . . those parts of our life walk that require more effort and greater endurance to overcome. What mountains do you face? Be they cancer, chronic physical pain, emotional turmoil, relationship stress, financial struggles, or any other serious difficulty, climbing that mountain can certainly be more intimidating and oppressing than my 2 1/2 hour hike.

??????????What do you need to equip yourself in such a journey? Certainly real hope that secures your footing and keeps you from stumbling along the path. Also faith that allows you to see beyond your current suffering. And perseverance that produces the character that doesn’t give up, and the ability to find the secret of contentment in both the journey and the destination. Finally, we all need a friend who will walk with us all the way, who helps us up and encourages us to push on. Jesus calls us ‘friend’ and He also provided such a wonderful friend in my soul mate, Marcia. (If photos do not show in the email post, click on link to website to view.)

God promises to make a way through the mountains in our lives. Today is a great day to trust Him with your journey.

“And I will make all my mountains a way and my highways will be exalted.” Isaiah 49:11

Now arriving

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While traveling on a ‘memory maker’ trip last week, we were greeted by this sign in one of the airports.

NOW ARRIVING:
HOPE
DREAMS
FAITH

It was a refreshing greeting and reminded me that wherever we go, our hopes, dreams, and faith (also love) go with us. And I wondered, are these evident when we go about our routine daily travels? Are they ‘carry ons’ or ‘stow away luggage’? Are faith, hope and love generally manifest when we walk into a room? Is our everyday conversation more often characterized by these or by complaining? Do we carry the dreams of who we want to become when we go to the grocery store or pay our bills? Or do we reserve these honorable qualities for more ‘spiritual’ times?

While visiting with my sister, the question came up:
Are we primarily spiritual beings with an earthly body, or are we earthly beings with a spiritual component? How would you answer? On the one hand, the earthly side of us is quite evident. We breathe, laugh, cry, suffer in pain, and experience the wear and tear on our physical bodies. And of course we have ambitions tied to those earthly bodies, desires for certain foods, clothes, shelter, and so much more. We readily feel and experience the effect of both pain and pleasure on our physical bodies, don’t we?

On the other hand, the bible tells us that while we are created both physically and spiritually, our essence and purpose is spiritually and relationship driven. Paul writes that we are aliens and strangers in this land, ambassadors to a foreign country. He further says that this earthly body is like a temporary tent while our spirit is our permanent temple.

If that is the case, why don’t we more often experience the world through our spiritual self? Why don’t we more often see with spiritual focus, hear with spiritual enlightenment, and touch with spiritual compassion? After all, our lives are blessed as are others when we experience life in this manner. Perhaps it is because we lack the regular discipline to consider spiritual living as our default mode. We are often distracted by ‘shiny things’ and the call of worldly things. We get off track dozens of times each day. I confess, sometimes I find myself distracted even while praying! What are we then to do?

Consider what you do when you encounter a road detour. Your choice always is to either focus on the problem or focus on the solution. It doesn’t help to ignore the physical situation but focusing on your hope of finding your way to getting back on track is the solution that sees you through. Isn’t the same true with spiritual living? There is no need to beat ourselves up over life distractions; simply turn our focus back to God and enjoy the reconnection with his presence.

Here is a practical application. Whenever you change environments this week – from one room to the next, from one meeting to the next, from home to work – ask yourself, “Is faith, hope and love arriving with me?”

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13