Monthly Archives: March 2015

Traveling through no-man’s land

Leave a reply

 

Between South Korea, where our son lives, and North Korea, is a stretch of land called the DMZ. In fact it is the heaviest militarized border in the world. It is what you might call a ‘no man’s’ land, extremely unwelcoming and dangerous.

 

Suleika Jaouad wrote an insightful blog about such a place in her cancer journey that resonated with me. She describes the transition from where it was difficult to say, “I am a cancer patient,” to where that statement defined who she was. I think most people think that when a person is ‘cured’ of cancer, all is well. Close that chapter and move on. But even after the ‘cure’ is found and the cancer is gone, there is a place that is in some ways the hardest part of the journey: the land in between sickness and wellness, filled with anticipation of the next illness and the myriad of medical, financial, professional and psychosocial issues to deal with. There is the search for and deep longing to find the person you once were. Few know this, but the caregiver goes through the same process. The task of rebuilding your life is as confusing as it is disrupting. Cancer doesn’t affect only the cells that the chemo destroyed. “Cancer affects all of who we are.” (Xeni Jardin, cancer survivor) Susan Sontag wrote, “Everyone holds dual citizenship in the land of the well and the land of the sick.”

 

But there is also another citizenship we hold in the no-man’s land between those other kingdoms. For those with suppressed immune systems that land’s borders are very wide and extensive. The recent recurrence of my graft-Versus-Host Disease reminds me I am still in that transitional place. It seems a useless struggle to try to “go back” to where we were, however strong the desire to do so. You cannot step in the same stream twice. There really is no ‘going back’, only going forward. Forward to a ‘new normal’, whatever that might be.

 

Have you ever been in a ‘no-man’s land’? Maybe it wasn’t one marked by military occupation or cancer. There are no-man’s lands in relationships with our spouse, our children, and our friends. There are those transitional deserted dry places in our relationship with God. Whatever your no-man’s land experience, you recognize the painful interlude between one chapter and another in your life. It’s a waiting room where we feel we cannot either move backward to where we were or forward to where we want to go.

 

Your no-man’s land is both unwelcoming and dangerous because it tempts you to feel abandoned. But do not fear. You are not alone. For those of faith, the great promise is that God will go with you and show you the way. In fact, he has already gone before you and prepared a place for you that you haven’t realized yet. No-man’s land is a place for meeting God, even if you are sure there are no more lessons remaining to be ‘learned’, even if it seems a waste of time and energy and life itself. God doesn’t waste pain. and you are not here forever. God will bring you to a place that you can not travel alone, apart from him. Faith will guide you there. Faith doesn’t make the journey easy, but it does make it possible.

 

Blessings to my fellow sojourners.

 

 

NOT a heart attack

Leave a reply

 

I repeat: It was NOT a heart attack.

 

I have to say this with the disclaimer that I’m a man. And I know we men have an innate ability to discount the serious while amplifying the trivial. (Bullet to the stomach? It’s only a flesh wound. A few days of diarrhea? Oh my goodness, Come Lord Jesus! Actually, in all fairness, I think I’ve been through some significantly tough times with this cancer journey. Being nearly ‘killed’ three times with heavy doses of chemo in hopes the body will resurrect itself time and again took a certain toll. But this was different.

 

While driving to Des Moines, I – a man – recognized that I needed to pull over. The pain in my chest was severe to the point of nearly matching the incident when the millions of immature white blood cells broke through to my back. So calmly, I pulled over and walked to the passenger side so I could rest. I was doing pretty good until I fainted and smashed my knee on the pavement and then fainted into the ditch. My loving wife got me turned around and back to the car. No problem. But apparently seeing my eyes roll into the back of my head and my lips turning blue scared her. I remember her calling 911 and me saying I just need to lay down and rest. I remember ‘waking up’ to her yelling at me to breathe. My tender and loving wife never yells at me, so you can understand that after nearly 43 years of marriage, I almost immediately recognized this as a cue to open my eyes and remember to breathe again. Men have this innate ability to sense such subtle cues.

 

The ambulance crew came to ‘check me out’ but when they strapped me in the gurney and loaded me into the ambulance I knew I wasn’t going to get my way. So they started an IV, EKG, and oxygen ‘just to be sure’. These paramedic types are cautious folk. All I wanted was to get warm and lie still. After some 1800 miles on a bumpy dirt road, we arrived at the hospital where I got all I wanted, to lie down under some warm blankets…in the ER hallway…for three hours.

 

Those poor medical staff must have been busy. I remember thinking how many *really* sick people they must have to deal with. All I wanted was a GI cocktail (simethicone, maalox, and lidocane). And a sip of water. And once all my symptoms disappeared after a couple of hours, they gave it to me. Apparently some pigmy tribe stole my blood work and that of four other patients, so after a CAT scan, they reran the tests. As I suspected, everything was fine. I’m healthy as a racehorse, just not as strong.

 

So eventually my dear wife collected the discharge papers saying I should rest and notify my doctor if symptoms recurred and lasted more than two weeks. And we drove home, thinking about the experience. Is it just me or do you also have the capacity to waste your own time and money without any difficulty, but find it unbearable when someone (or something) else is in charge of the wasting? So I bring up the checklist of lessons learned:
1. God saved me from something that might have been serious. Check.
2. God is always faithful. Knew that. Depend on him daily. Check.
3. My dear wife and devoted son are always dependable to be at my side in a moment’s notice and without a whisper of complaining. Knew that. They proved that over and over this past two years. Check.
4. Sometimes there doesn’t seem to be any great benefit to waiting. It’s just part of life. The key is to not let it make you bitter. Discipline yourself to be thankful. Check.
5. Hospitals have some sort of meter that measures how many tests and procedures are required to drain your bank account. You generally get better in proportion to the number of tests they run with negative results. Maybe I would have felt like I got my money’s worth if they actually found something wrong! Check. (At least, I think this might be true.)
6. Learn to laugh at yourself. Check.

 

All is well. God is good – in tough and scary times and the great times too. I have the most amazing wife in the whole world. Sleep is one of the greatest gifts of all.

 

 

A Titanic reminder

Leave a reply

 

Titanic (8)
We were more drawn to walks in the Smoky Mountains than tourist attractions. However, we were glad to visit the Titanic museum in Pigeon Forge. Upon entry, we were assigned boarding passes with the identities of historic Titanic passengers. I was 16-year-old Harry Sadowitz, a Jewish tradesman who made fur coats, taking third class passage to follow my father who had immigrated to America. Marcia was Amalie Gieger, a 35-year-old Prussian immigrant and personal maid to the wife of “Pennsylvania’s richest” George Widener, traveling first class on the luxury ship. This was interesting because John Borland Thayer and his wife Marian, had just returned to their cabin after dinner with the Wideners when the Titanic struck the iceberg. I (Harry) did not survive the voyage. Nor did John Thayer. Marcia (as Amalie) survived, as did Marian Thayer and her son Jack.

 

It must have been amazing. It was implied that even the 14 young people who had fled poverty in the poor county of Addergole, Ireland, would have found third class steerage on the Titanic to be luxurious in comparison to their homeland life. In fact, all 2,224 Titanic passengers were likely bathed in some degree of lavish luxury for four days, before being sent into the icy Atlantic waters. Only 710 survived. As my boarding pass stated, “There were no passenger favorites when Titanic went under. Rich and poor were tossed together in a struggle for survival – some in fur, some in cheap woolens, but all in the hands of God.”

 

The museum creators recreated the famous Grand Staircase true to the original blueprints. Before ascending them, we were greeted by a man dressed in character as Titanic third class passenger Austin van Billiard. He told how he had discovered diamonds in Africa and had sewn these ‘most prized possessions’ into the lining of his coat. With plans to become a diamond merchant in America, he went ahead on the voyage with his two oldest boys, hoping to bring the rest of his family over later. With poetic license, van Billiard told of trying to convince his two boys to get on the lifeboat as the disaster struck, but they would not leave their father’s side. In the end, he concluded he had prized his diamonds above all, realizing too late that his family was his very most valued ‘possession.’ He and his sons all perished.

 

Whatever degree of luxury you live in today – and it is lavish compared with most in the world – we enjoy it for just a short voyage. Whatever ambitions and hopes you have for this present voyage, they will soon come to an end. This might seem like a somber reflection, but consider it a joyful reminder to celebrate the life we have this very day. Live it fully and intentionally on purpose, remaining faithful to the specific call God himself has placed upon you.

 

 

Rejoicing in salvation

Leave a reply

 

On our drive home we encountered a lockdown on I-64 in Louisville. There were two accidents within a couple of miles of our exit. Both were nonserious, though significantly disruptive to those involved. The exit traffic itself was completely congested with three interstates in downtown Louisville tied up at the same time. So we sat on the interstate until eventually everything slowly became unplugged. It delayed us an hour but was really no big deal.

 

But what about when we get stuck in the traffic of life? You’re moving along smoothly and then all out of nowhere comes a congested area where the ‘stuff’ of life quickly piles up. You try to move forward to get out of the quagmire but no matter what you try you can’t get any momentum. You call to the Lord to rescue you from your trouble, but you hear no answer. You ask: Has God forgotten me? Will He eventually ‘remember’ me and reveal Himself to me? HOW LONG will it take to get out of this situation that has me stopped still? I’ve felt that way before and I’m guessing you have too. Guess what? “The man after God’s own heart”, David, felt that way too.

 

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.” Psalm 13:1-4

 

To David it seemed that he was stuck in the traffic of life. Worse yet, he was about to be run over by his enemies! And there were no signs of letting up. No indication that things were about to get better. No shining light in his present darkness. I’m not talking about an hour delay on I-64 in Louisville, nor even about the longer and costlier delay and suffering incurred by those whose cars were damaged. No, David’s situation, and maybe yours too, was one whose time of redemption was not in sight, nor even apparent it would come at all! It seemed that defeat at his enemies hands was might be imminent! And what was David’s response?

 

“But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:5-6

 

David trusted in God’s unfailing love. He rejoices in God’s salvation. He sang God’s praise. Why? Because, despite his present circumstances, “he has been good to me.”

 

In the middle of our ‘stuck’ situations we too can keep trusting in God’s unfailing love and praise him for our salvation. If you had nothing else, wouldn’t that alone be quite enough? Enjoy God’s goodness even while you wait for your resolution.

 

 

The freedom road

Leave a reply

 

image At the Richmond Civil War Battlefield in Kentucky you can take a free tour of the historic Roger’s house that witnessed the fierce fighting of that time. Caretaker Phillip Seyfrit is eager to share historical perspective on the happenings of that era. One of the items that caught my eye was a quilt pattern from the underground railroad.

 

It wasn’t uncommon in those days for quilts to be aired out on a fence or window ledge. The underground railroad used specially ‘coded’ quilts in this inauspicious way to send alerts to slaves planning to escape. Each quilt pattern signaled a specific action to take when the quilt was aired. A wagon wheel indicated they should pack things in a wagon but a ‘drunkard’s path’ pattern warned they should move in a staggering manner and avoid straight lines to keep from being detected by slave hunters. A bow tie indicated they should wear formal clothes as if going to a wedding or other special function. The pattern of a log cabin indicated the slaves were on the right route. There were a dozen or so of these special quilt patterns that held no significance to the casual eye. But to the watchful eye, they spoke the code of freedom and outlined the path to escape from captivity.

 

Today we revel in our freedom. We think of it as our inalienable right. Yet you might not feel free. You may feel imprisoned in trouble that never ends. You keep looking for an escape path but there seems to be no way out. And it’s not just our troubles that bind us. So do our pursuits.

 

The bible says we all remain slaves – that whatever we obey becomes our master. We don’t like to think of ourselves as being addicted, but we are drawn like moths to the fire by our appetites and ambitions. We imprison ourselves in unforgiveness and let ourselves be chained to harmful opinions and beliefs that separate us from others and separate us from God. We willingly handcuff our minds to the pursuit of indulgent lifestyles that confines us to an island isolated from the rest of our brothers and sisters around the world. We think we are free but our minds and hearts remain captive to what we pursue. Our spirits yearn for the freedom road but our fleshly appetites and desires long to remain in Egyptian captivity. How do we find a way out? Is there a secret code we can follow?

 

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.” (John 14:6) The message is in plain sight, not hidden in some secret pattern, though most will not see it still. Is His message quilted into the fabric of your daily life and freely aired as a constant reminder to you and others to stay on the freedom road? It seems intolerable in today’s pantheistic society, but it is The Way of freedom, not just for salvation, but for today!

 

 

Who holds the keys?

Leave a reply

 

Before we leave the house or hotel and before we shut the locked car door, we always ask each other, “Do you have the keys?” We don’t want to be locked out and we don’t want the keys to fall into other’s hands. We have keys to the garage and keys to the shed. You could say we have ‘keys’ to our bank and internet accounts. Keys have value to us and so we hold them close.

 

Whoever holds the keys has authority. Whether it’s a metal key, a plastic card, or some electronic smart device, your keys give you access and power. Whoever holds the keys to your life has control.

 

Preparing people to receive Jesus, John the Baptist said, “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.” (Luke 3:11) Over the course of time, we may learn to hand over the keys to some of our belongings to God, persuaded that they should go to someone else because of a greater need.

 

We might hold other keys closer to us as if to say, “God, you can have my belongings and even a portion of my income. Just let me keep my house, my job, my family, my friends, my health.” When we hold the keys we THINK that we know best how to take care of them. We trust in our plans and our abilities to bring about good results in all the areas of life represented by our keys.

 

Have you ever wondered what would happen you offered all your keys to God’s control? Would He snatch them from you and leave you empty-handed? Hardly. Jesus, speaking to Peter in Matthew 16:19, promises to give him the “keys of the kingdom of heaven.” In fact, He gives the same promise to all true followers. After all, He is the one with authority to set the prisoners free and unlock the gates of heaven!

 

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32)

 

You might say, “I’ve given God the keys to my house, my belongings, and my bank account.” Great! He is the one who knows best how to care for you. But what else do you hold close thinking you alone can protect? It’s easy to ask for God’s blessing and protection on our children. But have you ever prayed, “Whatever it takes, Lord, to bring them closer to you?” Do you trust God with the ‘keys’ to your family? None of us seek suffering or illness, but can you trust God with the ‘keys’ to your health? Do you believe God will open the doors of His kingdom for you – here and in heaven – even if you surrendered the keys to your hobbies and life ambitions?

 

You can hold the keys or you can place them in God’s hand and watch the doors to real ‘treasures’ open before you. It’s your choice. Who is going to hold your keys?

 

 

An appetite for less

Leave a reply

 

After nibbling on a few saltine crackers I laid down to rest again, and it struck me. Three pieces of toast, a cup of applesauce, and a few spoonfuls of rice have quite appeased my appetite and sustained me over the last four days. Yet, when I am well my appetite borders on voracious. I’m always hungry for more.

 

Have you discovered this too? Our appetite for ‘more’ grows exponentially as we feed it. Our appetites of every kind become harder and harder to satiate the more we feed them. The more we feed them the less satisfied we find ourselves.

 

I remember primitive camping with our family in Colorado in a place called the Craggs. Everything takes longer when tenting than at home but there is a certain fulfillment found in gathering wood for the fire, prepare a rugged meal, cleaning up, and taking a hike. And there is this realization of how refreshingly simple everything is around you: the wind rustling through the pines, the bubbling brook nearby, the beauty of the blue sky above. There is no need for newspapers, TV, or electronic gadgets.

 

It’s a common reflection of those returning from mission trips to comment on the happiness of the poor children they encountered. I wonder how our constant pursuit of ‘more’ sometimes leaves us missing the simple joy of ‘less.’

 

I wonder what you will find today in being mindful of the ‘simpler’ things in life, those everyday blessings that beg to be discovered. Sit quietly and focus only on your effortless breathing and your constant heartbeat. Marvel in how God designed your body to carry on without your even giving it a thought. Savor a sip of refreshing water in your mouth. Close your eyes and rejoice in the freedom to choose whatever thoughts you want to fill your mind; they aren’t determined by your circumstances. Open your eyes and find one thing of beauty and wonder that you hadn’t noticed before. Listen for and speak a few words of sincere gratitude and encouragement. Choose to praise God for his endless love. Like the boundless waves that wash ashore a mere 100 yards from me as I write, His waves of mercy wash over us wherever we are and however we feel.

 

There is a certain level of satisfaction to be found even in sickness. I don’t want to stay here in sickness, but I don’t want to forget the lessons of a simpler appetite when I am well.

 

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

(written last week – I am well again)

 

 

Beyond disappointment

Leave a reply

 

I was between chemo treatments and before my stem cell transplant. With a quite unsure future ahead of us, we purchased a prepaid vacation to make some memories while we had time together. Little did we know I wouldn’t be well enough to use it for two more years. But at last, the time came and we packed the car for the transcontinental journey. Unfortunately, as has happened with each attempt to get away, I became sick again mid-trip. It seems the spirit is indeed willing but the flesh is too weak.

 

Disappointment doesn’t begin to describe our emotions. Marcia had to drive much more than she is comfortable doing, making frequent stops for me. The pristine white sands and emerald-green waters of the Florida beaches would have to wait. Our time of fellowship and encouragement with our good friends from New Orleans was interrupted. Preparations were made for a possible out-of-state hospital admission (that thankfully was averted).

 

You’ve been there, right? Maybe not the same situation, but you can empathize with the frustration and disappointment, the sense of wasted opportunity and resources. Maybe you poured everything you had into preserving a relationship that didn’t work out. Maybe you prayed and prayed for a specific outcome that never arrived. Maybe you worked ever so diligently toward a lifetime goal only to have your efforts thwarted by some opposing force. You thought you had an appointment with fulfillment but it seems the road sign looming ahead of you reads, “Welcome to Disappointment Valley.” What now?

 

Maybe we should look at that road sign again. What’s that it says at the bottom?

 

“Don’t stay long!”

 

We can’t avoid disappointment. We elevate our hopes and expectations in anticipation of a coming reward. But what do we do when the storms of life wash away our dreams? It’s a natural response to be sad, frustrated, disappointed, maybe even angry. But don’t stay long in that place. It only adds to the disappointment. Instead of bemoaning the loss, look for what you have been given.

 

Even while seemingly trapped in the middle of Disappointment Valley there is a place to go. It isn’t filled with giddy laughter or outrageous joy. But it’s a lot better place than frustration will take us. This place is called rest.

 

Our weapons of anger, bitterness, or regret, only infuriate the battle of disappointment. Jesus said, “Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) What do we find in that place of rest? We find the peace that knows the battle is not up to us to win. We find assurance resting in the arms of a mighty and faithful God that our battles are not the only ones, not even the most important ones. We find thankfulness in realizing that it could be worse, much worse. There is also thankfulness in the caring of others. In rest you will discover perseverance, perspective, solace, and hope.

 

When you’re in the Valley of Disappointment, don’t let your heart stay long. Find a place of rest.

 

 

Focus your thoughts

Leave a reply

 

It’s a well-known and wise adage: “Begin with the end in mind.”

 

Runners envision past the finish line before they start the race. Pole vaulters envision the inches above the horizontal pole before they jump. Architects imagine the whole building completed before they draw up the detailed blueprints. Before each day of travel we review the map (yes we still use those) and make note of both our destination and the roads that get us there. Probably you do the same with your road map of daily to-do lists. Starting the day with the end in mind is a good way to prepare for this gift called today. Beginning with the end in mind is another way of saying, “Keep your eyes on the goal.”

 

Paul refers to this theme a number of times in his writing. In the book of Hebrews he writes, “Fix your THOUGHTS on Jesus.” Of all the things you can and maybe must think about today, Jesus is our only constant, faithful, and most worthy focal point. Our commission in this lifetime is to build up the body of Christ. We are called to be encouragers not cynics, peacemakers not argument makers. He warns us that when we turn our attention to other appetites, vainful thoughts, and meaningless human philosophies, we get carried off track. We become enthralled with so many hobbies and ambitions that fill our schedules and minds while taking us away from our purposed goal. And sometimes the detours are both painful and lengthy. Our hearts become hardened and dulled to the Word of God in our lives.

 

Keeping our eyes on the goal means keeping the confidence we had when we started a project. I remember some folks who were so excited to embark on a mission trip with us but lost their confidence and joy when the work got tough and messy. I’ve been there too and maybe you have also. But keeping our thoughts fixed on the goal gets us through those tough times. Why? Because if the goal is worthy, the process is worth it! What goal could you pursue that is more worthy than Jesus? Family, business, satisfaction, fulfillment? Our best satisfaction in these is found through Jesus. And our very best satisfaction is found in Jesus Himself!

 

Wherever you are in your journey, today is the day for fixing your thoughts on the goal of your life. Begin with the goal of paying attention to what God is doing in and around you. Let this be a consuming focus. Where do you want to end up when all is said and done? What words and actions will take you toward your ultimate goal and which ones only distract you from that prize? We put our confidence in so very many things, but none of them last. With what confidence do you want to approach the Lord when your last day comes? Hold onto that confidence to the end. Don’t lose focus. It really matters how you fix your thoughts today because your actions follow them. Make your thoughts and actions count today and let them lead you to the goal you most desire.

 

 

What do you hear?

Leave a reply

 

I have a problem. Okay, I have a lot of problems. One of them is listening to and hearing God’s voice, especially when I am frustrated or really interested in something. You too?

 

It seems there are so many other distracting ‘noises’ in my life that compete with my ability – or interest – in listening to what God has to say to me. It’s like the Tinnitus, constant ringing in my ears, that hinders me from attending to anything else. As I was lying in bed, hearing the ringing continue, I began to wonder…

 

How many of us have ‘Spiritual Tinnitus’?

 

Spiritual Tinnitus is not a recognized condition. In fact, I never heard the phrase until I typed it a few seconds ago. But Spiritual Tinnitus could be described as attuning our life to certain things so THAT is all we hear, making it difficult for us to attune to spiritual matters in our life. It could be getting revved up listening to opinionated radio talk show hosts or spirited Facebook debates. Or being so attuned to sports that any ‘sound’ of sports news quickly grabs your attention. Or maybe it’s the ‘sounds’ of beauty, health, diet, and cute things that prompt the brain’s antennae to ‘pop up’. Sometimes I’ll be attuning to something else and find the question I ask my wife was just answered – by her – a few minutes earlier! (Busted.)

 

I sometimes use ‘masking’ sounds to keep me from focusing on the distracting ringing in my ears. But what about our ability to attune to God’s voice? With so many competing ‘noises’ in our lives I wonder if we need a ‘masking device’ to tune out the distractions so we can hear His voice astoundingly grab our attention and speak to us throughout the entire day!

 

There’s (maybe) nothing wrong with having interests in different things. But when our passions so greatly consume us that we have little ability to tune in to God’s guiding and encouraging voice, isn’t that a problem? This might not seem like a big deal if you view God as an important ‘part’ of your life. This view allows us to delegate a certain ‘quality’ (not quantity) time to talking and/or listening to Him. But what if you’ve come to the conclusion that He IS your life and you say you want to dedicate your WHOLE life to Him? Then something has to give.

 

If this discussion ‘rings’ in your ears for a while, make mental note of the things that really grab your attention more than God’s voice throughout the day. Ask yourself, is listening to this ‘voice’ hindering me from hearing God’s own voice and pursuing His call on my life? If so, ‘mask’ it out so you can focus on what God has to say to you.

 

Don’t let Spiritual Tinnitus drown out God’s voice. Actively watch and listen for opportunities to see and hear God at work all around you. And go there with Him.