Monthly Archives: April 2015

Why does God allow tragedy?

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April 19, 1995. Twenty years ago today, a senseless act of evil took the live of 168 people as a bomb ripped through the Murrah federal building in Oklahoma City. Many cried out “Why?” And even today we cry out “Why, God?” when tragedy strikes our own lives. Why does God allow tragedy in our lives?

 

Reflect on some of the key points that Billy Graham made in answer to this question when he spoke at a statewide prayer service twenty years ago.

 

I appreciate reverend Graham’s honesty is first saying, “I don’t know ‘why’. I only know there are lessons to learn.” One of those lessons is that life is a mystery. We don’t understand all things. Job didn’t understand why he lost his wife and family, his good health, and all his possessions. His wife’s advice to him was “Curse God and die!” But in the face of tragedy and intense ongoing pain, Job remained faithful. He believed that despite his circumstances that God was a loving and good God.

 

Another lesson of tragedy is a reminder that evil remains in the world – for a time. It is the essence of the dEVIL’s name. In the face of evil, you and I have two choices: 1) We can become bitter and angry at God or 2) We can turn to Him in trust Him, even when we don’t have the answer to all our questions. It is the essence of our faith, to believe when we cannot see clearly.

 

A third lesson of suffering is that it brings together the real community of God. Job missed this. Maybe you’ve missed this as your own tragic circumstances have left you isolated. But suffering produces an environment that invites community to flourish. It invites each of us to BE that community. We saw this as a nation, if if only short-lived, following the Oklahoma City bombing and 9/11. We see it today in community-wide disasters. People come together, not because they can solve a problem, but as a reminder that God cares for us. He promises that those who mourn will be comforted. His compassions never fail. His mercies are new every morning.

 

We should be comforted that even Jesus asked, “Why?” He cried out in agony, “Why, God have you forsaken me?” And His answer was quick in coming. The message of Easter is that hope follows tragedy. There is hope for your suffering, hope for your pain, and hope for your despair. We are minded in tragedy that life is brief and uncertain. None of us know which moment will be our last. But the hope remains for those who love God that His comfort, compassion, love, and forgiveness are available to us today even in the face of tragedy.

 

If you haven’t surrendered the control of your life to Jesus, what better time than today – while time remains?

 

Watch the 8 minute video of Billy Graham’s 1995 message here:

http://billygraham.org/video/hope-for-oklahoma-2/?SOURCE=BY154ANL2&utm_source=BGEA+Today+email&utm_medium=bgemail&utm_campaign=bgemailnewsletter&utm_content=04.16.2015+email+1

 

Recovering from grief

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The cancers of our life eat away at everything we’ve ‘gained’ and leave us with a profound sense of loss. By ‘cancer’ I mean not only that wretched medical condition that ravishes the body but also the other life tragedies that act as a cancer to our soul: Alzheimer’s disease, chronic pain, depression, the deep lostness that separates us from a loved one who has died or one who has severed a loving relationship while they still live. We grieve over our losses: lost dreams, lost opportunities, and loss of those we’ve befriended over the years. We might even experience ‘survivor’s guilt’, questioning why we survived and others didn’t.

 

Be it immense or small, it’s all grief to us and we have to find helpful ways to express it. Healthy recovery always involves coming to acceptance with what was, what now is and also a future that still can be fulfilling. It also always seems to involve building and strengthening mutually supportive relationships. It’s part of how God designed us. For sure, many will offer countless bits of counsel that seem to bring little solace at the time. We’re told to snap out of it, move on, and look on the bright side. True, some ways of handling grief are unhealthy and need prompting. Some try to deny their grief, thinking it is unfitting of them, conjecturing that Christian soldiers should be stronger in battle. The truth is grief is real and a necessary part of our recovery and healthy grieving brings us to a stronger place.

 

“I have never heard anyone say, “The really deep lessons of my life have come through times of ease and comfort.” But I have heard strong saints say, “Every significant advance I have ever made in grasping the depths of God’s love and growing deep with him, has come through suffering.”  – John Piper

 

Positive growth is a natural outcome of suffering and healthy grieving. It’s not just ‘moving on’ as if to escape from the past. It’s finding purpose and meaning in moving to a healthier future. You might come to interpret your grief journey as an unexpected blessing. Then again, maybe you won’t. Your interpretation of the journey is a personal one. You might find that keeping a daily journal of your thoughts, experiences, and revealed truths will help you sort things out. Sharing with trusted and mature friends can also guide you on the difficult path. I consider that any journey that brings me closer to God and closer to others is a worthwhile journey.

 

One aspect of grief recovery may seem strange but I’ve both seen and experienced its benefit: pouring yourself into others. Investing in others is biblically sound. Beyond distracting us from remaining too long in an unhealthy place, investing in others offers growth opportunities. God designed us to be strengthened when we strengthen others. Sharing your recovery experiences may help someone else who is going through a similar challenge. You can encourage others in ways you were encouraged or even in ways you wish you had been encouraged. Visit someone who is suffering or alone. Write letters of encouragement. Finding even small ways to bring light into their darkness will cast light into your own.

 

Do what you can and what is mutually beneficial but don’t try to do it all. The recovery process is one of balance. Acknowledge your grief in this difficult path but be also intentional about discovering daily reasons to give thanks and celebrate the continuing journey.

 

Recovering a sense of future

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When life comes crashing down, either suddenly or over the crushing weight of burdens carried too long, our vision becomes clouded and it’s hard to imagine a better future, or even any future at all. But recovering a sense of future is necessary to transition from surviving to thriving… to living well today. Despite the pain, sorrow, and disappointment that darkens our world right now, we need to recover a hope for the future.

 

Robert was one of the NYC firemen who responded to the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center. But experiencing that tragedy didn’t prepare him for the crisis he experienced when diagnosed with crippling MDS four years later. Losing his job to disability and surviving a stem cell transplant, he had to redefine how he saw himself, the limited control he still had in his life, his sense of purpose and meaning, and his sense of the future.

 

“I’m still dealing with GVHD, as well as weight gain and mood swings from steroids. The hardest part is not being able to keep commitments because I never know how I will feel from one day to the next. It’s hard to accomplish tasks I set for myself. On the positive side, I’m getting better. My fear about getting sick has decreased. I don’t need blood transfusions anymore and I don’t worry about blood tests. And even though I miss working, it’s a relief to not have to worry about returning to work and wondering if I’d be able to perform my duties.”

 

“There was never a time when I didn’t look to the future. I worked toward short-term goals, like getting my central line removed, controlling my GVHD, and being able to quit taking steroids. Some days, I might be struggling with fatigue or just feeling down, but…once I’m on my feet I am able to keep going. Sometimes it’s hard to accept the changes I’ve been through, but I’m still getting better and adjusting to my ‘new normal.’ The main thing is that I’m here for my family and to see my kids grow up, and that gives me something to look forward to.”

 

Boy can I empathize with Robert! It’s like he is reading a page from my Leukemia journal. Keeping an eye on the future, without losing your focus on living well today, is a crucial element to making a successful transition from just surviving a tragic circumstance to living a thriving life. And our future is not just tomorrow or next week or even the years to come. Our greatest hope for the future is found in spending all eternity with God and reuniting with loved ones who have gone before us. Living with the future of heaven in mind is a great motivator for living well today!

 

Some thoughts to ponder as you consider the future:

Am I learning to better accept uncertainties in life?

How can I better adapt to uninvited change in my life?

What practical steps can I take to live fully today while planning for tomorrow?

 

If you struggle with the uncertainties that come with change or the thought of an unknown future, talk about your concerns with a trusted friend. Include God in your honest conversations. Recovering a hopeful sense of future helps you live purposefully and well today.

 

Recovering a sense of meaning

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We’re reflecting on the thoughts of authors Magee and Scalzo who wrote, Picking up the Pieces – Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer. Their premise is that there are four ‘corner pieces’ in transitioning from surviving to thriving and that understanding these helps us to put the rest of the pieces back together.

 

Nicole is a stem cell transplant survivor. Initially she didn’t respond well to chemotherapy; at one point she only weighed 72 pounds. Determined to love stronger and care more, she set her eyes on staying focused and regaining her energy. She says, “I gradually got back to living life! I was doing the things I did before, but with a greater purpose. Staying focused on the future and continuing to plan for tomorrow helped. Getting this far was not easy.” She describes financial struggles that compounded her physical and emotional suffering. “I had to stay focused, take small steps, and not let the struggles get in the way of my progress. Making it through a tough time inspires me to live each day in the moment. I am passionate about volunteering. Being an example of hope for others is what I love about survivorship.”

 

Have you been in that place? Maybe it wasn’t fatigue or cancer, but maybe you’ve come to that same sense of wanting – and needing – lasting meaning in life. Maybe you’ve felt a sense of disconnectedness from others or even from life itself. Maybe you’ve realized that we’re meant to be part of a ‘community’ but you feel like your piece of the puzzle is insignificant. Don’t believe it. God doesn’t make insignificant pieces. Each piece of the puzzle has purpose; none is without meaning.

 

As you reflect on your life, consider what insight you’ve gained from your journey. Try to see your life not only on how it impacts you right now, but how it impacts others. Looking at your life from the perspective of the whole journey, even up until your last breath, will help you find the purpose and meaning you seek. This is especially true if you consider your life as it relates to the grand plan of God.

 

Let your mind leave behind what was lost and even all that surrounds you. Ask yourself what you’ve gained from your life experiences. What parts are making you stronger? Out of the confusion and disappointment of trials God can bring a sense of clarity and vision that was clouded before. Ask Him to reveal greater meaning in your life as you read His Word.

 

Recovering your sense of meaning, or discovering it for the first time, is a vital part of thriving and living the ‘abundant’ life that God designed for you.

 

 

Recovering a sense of control

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Control. We all want it. It drives our life. We want to control our lives and our future. We want to control our circumstances. If we’re honest, we probably want to control others. God’s word says we should have self-control. It’s one of the fruit we exhibit when we walk in God’s light under the power of His Spirit. Maybe you felt you were making progress in this area, but when a life changing event comes upon you, you find yourself striving to recover a sense of control over your life. Authors Magee and Scalzo consider recovering a sense of control as the second phase in the transition from surviving to thriving*.

 

Esther suffered with aplastic anemia (AA) and required a stem cell transplant that was in one sense a cure, but also caused major upheavals in her life and her family’s. In addition to the physical challenges, they struggled with medical bills and emotions. Like many who face cancer, Esther became proactive in researching the condition and treatments, focusing on and gaining understanding of the daily medical test results. My experience is that this strive to gain some sense of control can both help and hinder the recovery process.  There is the pervasive thought that if you just understand more you will be able to control the situation. Often our circumstances will just not be controlled. But how we deal with them can be.

 

Esther made it her goal to get well. The journey was a rough one filled with disappointments: lost hair, painful mouth and skins sores, GVHD of the digestive system, financial challenges, and emotional roller coasters. But through it she says, “We may have sad days, scary days, disappointing days or feeling unwell days, but never a BAD day.” What? Never a bad day with all that suffering? How is that possible? She answers, “I couldn’t always control my physical condition, but I could control my attitude. Focusing on my priorities put things in perspective and kept me motivated. As I rebuild my life, I realize that my experience changed me. I am more grateful, nicer, more compassionate, and less judgmental. I have less patience for nonsense, complaining and ingratitude. I’m more confident now. I live more fully and authentically, recognizing that life can end at any time. What we make of it is up to us. Some things are worse, but most are different and better. The key was letting go of what I had before so I was open to loving my new life. I had to mourn the loss of the past so I could embrace today. It’s not about pretending but about letting myself be sad for a period of time and then getting over it and moving on.”  She adds that there are some things she can’t do anymore, but for every limit she creates a new alternative to finding joy. “Today, life is good. Not always easy, but good…not only surviving but thriving.”

 

We can’t always control our circumstances. But can take control over negative habits and thoughts that limit our life. We must “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and … take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

 

Ask yourself how you can actively participate in the recovery from whatever limits you. Make assessment of the real risks you face. Define the kind of life you want to live and what does living well look like – even if your circumstances don’t change. Choose to recover the one thing you can control – the way you think and respond to life. Let God help you.

 

* Picking up the Pieces – Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer

 

Recovering a sense of self

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It’s not all about you – or me. In one sense becoming a follower of Christ means losing our sense of self. “Out of our selves, into Christ, we must go. His will is to become ours and we are to think His thoughts, to ‘have the mind of Christ’ as the Bible says.” C.S. Lewis

 

And yet our sense of self, even God’s Spirit in ourself, is how we interpret the world and how we relate to God. Your sense of self, either as feeling separated from God or of belonging to Him, probably vacillates throughout your day – and life.  At one moment you see yourself as standing on your own two feet, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and the master of your own destiny. And then something happens to make you realize you are ultimately a child of God dependent on resting in His loving arms. Sudden loss cuts to the core of who we are and may cause us to question ‘who remains’ after surviving a tragic life event. Authors Sherri Magee and Kathy Scalzo describe recovering a sense of self as the first of four phases of transitioning from survival to living well.*

 

Stem cell transplant recipient Kristina says, “Cancer wasn’t supposed to happen to me.” She describes her vibrant life before cancer, living on the edge, “fiercely independent and passionate.” It was who she was ‘B.C.’ – Before Cancer. Determined not to let cancer keep her down, Kristina resolved to focus on recovering the quality of life she desired. Devastating setbacks with GVHD and long periods of fatigue led to isolation, inactivity, and feelings of self-pity.  But she continued her pursuit of recovering her sense of self. “As post-transplant survivors, we have to drag ourselves out of it,” she says. “The initial step of recovery is just to get moving. Whether you do this alone, with a caregiver, or through a program, little steps make a big impact.”

 

She describes her “new normal” as including her mindset, physical changes, how people react to her, and her emotional well being. “While I experienced many changes and realized new things about myself, I was able to get back the part of my life that I loved.” She discovered the path from surviving to thriving.

 

As for me, I’m still in process.  It often feels like I am balancing two lives: the one I have now and the one I had before cancer. How about you? Recovering your sense of who you are, especially who you are in God’s sight, isn’t a process unique to cancer survivors. It’s an essential journey we all face. As you look at the struggles in your own life ask yourself:

In what ways has my sense of self remained constant, and in what ways am I becoming someone new?

What have I gained and what have I lost along the way? (I urge you to focus on what you’ve gained!)

How do I let go of what must be left behind and move on to a better future? (… If not better than where you once were, but better than where now are now.)

 

You don’t have to figure it out today. And you don’t have to figure it out alone. Talk to a trusted friend. Grieve over your loss, but don’t stay there. Talk honestly with God about where you are and who you really are in His sight. There are more pieces of your puzzle yet to discover! Let God who designed your puzzle help you put all the pieces together.

 

* Picking Up the Pieces – Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer

 

 

From Surviving to Thriving

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Two years after my stem cell (bone marrow) transplant, I’m reflecting on how this journey has changed us. I say ‘us’ because if you are tightly connected to family or friends, you know that others share your journey and the caregiver bears a very large portion of the burden. It’s not just a cancer phenomenon. Name your battle, be it the death of a child, divorce, depression, chronic illness, or unresolved grief, few escape the path of suffering and sorrow. And so while I reflect on my journey through AML, feel free to adapt the reflections to your particular challenges.

 

Life altering events often come with no warning. One day everything is fine and suddenly your world is turned upside down. The prognosis of “12 weeks to live” quickly got my attention. There’s no room for denial. The focus was survival. The few options were evaluated and a treatment plan was quickly initiated. One month of chemo became two because the first chemo round didn’t knock out the cancer. Then after achieving remission, the aggressive nature of the cancer required a third round of heavier dose chemo followed by a stem cell transplant. What we didn’t realize is that surviving and enduring the transplant was to be a much tougher and longer battle than beating the cancer.

 

You know the fight to survive is not won by all.  But if you do find that you’ve survived whatever overwhelming ordeal you might ask if you will ever learn to thrive again.

 

Authors Sherri Magee and Kathy Scalzo describe four phases of transitioning from survival to living well*:

1. Recovering a sense of self
2. Recovering a sense of control
3. Recovering a sense of meaning
4. Recovering a sense of the future

 

The authors liken these as four ‘corner pieces’ of the recovery jigsaw puzzle. Understanding these helps us figure out how the other parts of recovery fit together to make us whole again. If you’ve gone through the valley of surviving a sudden life change you might be wondering, “Is there anything beyond mere survival?” The answer is ‘Yes.’ God intends for us not only to survive but to thrive, that is to live an abundant life. This doesn’t look the same for everyone. Getting “back to normal” may be an unrealistic goal, but there is a ‘new normal’ to be discovered. You may be creating a new picture, different from the one you thought you were putting together. And along the way you find that others hold some of the pieces to your puzzle and you hold some of the pieces to theirs.

 

It’s not an easy process, but it’s possible and it’s worth it. “My experience broke me down,” says transplant recipient Kristina. “But it also built me back up.” Perhaps it will help to spend time reflecting on the four ‘corner pieces’ of your own puzzle. As you do, remember that God isn’t ‘one of the pieces.’ He is the puzzle designer. Give Him all your broken pieces and let Him help you put them back together as you transition from surviving to thriving.

 
Tomorrow: The recovery of self
 
* “Picking Up the Pieces: Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer”

 

It all goes back in the box

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Do you like to play games? Our family does: Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, Sorry, Connect Four, Operation, Break the Ice, Guess Who, Monopoly, Scrabble, Checkers, Chess, Risk, and so many more. But when the game’s over we gather all the pieces and it all goes back in the box.

 

Storyteller and author John Ortberg reminds us in his book by the same title, that it’s like that in real life too. When it’s all said and done and our time is spent, we only take with us what we brought to the game. Everything else, all our possessions and achievements, like the tokens and games pieces – it all goes back in the box.

 

It’s been said that Americans too often work at their play, play at their worship, and worship their work. Looking back at my own life, I certainly can see that I made Trivial Pursuit as much my life as a simple board game. How about you? It’s easy to get so wrapped up in the game we think it’s all there is. You’ve probably known some people for whom the game is cutthroat business. They’re after all the hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place and they don’t care who they have to walk over to get there. It’s fun to ‘win’ and get all the prizes we sought to gain. But we work so hard in life to gain things that don’t last and matter least in the end while making play out of the things that are eternal and matter most. But when the game’s over, it all goes back in the box. And we need to remember, the game IS going to be over at some point; probably before we expect.

 

Let’s aim higher, Let’s live with passion and purpose. Let’s fill our game board with what matters most in life – and beyond. Let’s desire to BE rich in character more than to HAVE material riches. Let’s choose our moves with wisdom and not leave our decisions to Chance or a toss of the dice. God has a better plan.

 

Let’s live for heaven’s sake. Choose today which ‘game’ we’re going to play and what priorities and strategies are needed to keep your eyes fixed on the prize that lasts. Make sure that when everything goes back in the box, that the prize you won is one that matters for all time.

 

 

Do lukewarm Christians go to heaven?

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It’s a provocative question but I think it’s one we should ask; not to cast judgment toward others. I think we should ask it when we look at ourselves in the mirror.

 

Some people think they have it all figured out – everyone goes to heaven: you, Mother Teresa, and Hitler. Many people think whoever who does ‘enough’ good works will go to heaven. Others ‘imagine’ that there is no heaven or hell. But none of these views align with what I read in the bible.

 

Thankfully, I can’t judge the hearts of my fellow sojourners. God says, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy.” (Romans 9:15, quoting Exodus 33:19) His grace cannot be earned or bought. It’s a free gift to all who truly believe and repent of their sin. But if we really believe that Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life” we should live accordingly, full-out, right?

 

The wheat and tares grow up together but are separated at harvest. There is a narrow gate that few go through and a broad gate to destruction that many enter. We’re told that all of Israel will be saved. But just as “not all who are descended from Israel are Israel,” (Romans 9:6) it seems not all who think themselves Christian are actually followers of Christ. Scripture calls for an active and living faith, evidenced by actions, that continually grows in maturity and fruit.

 

Jesus says, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.” (Revelation 3:15-16)  It’s a warning to those who profess to believe one thing but live in ways that contradict that belief.  While the natural response of a devoted follower of Christ should be ‘hot’ (on fire for the Lord), He’d rather us be hot or cold than lukewarm. His warning is to take a stance and live according to your belief. Otherwise, He will ‘spit out’ the lukewarm, unless they come to repentance. Does it seem likely He will spit out authentic Christians?

 

For sure, none of us live a perfect life.  If we could, we wouldn’t need a Savior. We all seek to live too much in the comfort zone instead of growing up in his likeness. It’s not a matter of who is a better Christian than someone else. It’s a matter of the heart.

 

God searches and knows our heart and invites us to do the same. Ask yourself if your desires and ambitions in life truly match His. Ask God to reveal the secrets of your heart that even you might not know. Ask Him to reveal if there is anything lukewarm about your faith and to change your heart.

 

Lukewarm is great for baths and picnics, but it’s a dangerous place for us spiritually. Don’t judge others. Simply yield your life to our wondrous and merciful God who wants to draw you into his presence – now and for eternity.

 

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Psalm 51:10-12)

 

 

The crowns of heaven

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To be honest, I grew up without much interest in the crowns of heaven. It seemed plenty good to me that God would mercifully provide me with any place in His kingdom. It’s far more than I deserve. But the bible tells us there’s something worth striving for beyond enduring this race. Whether the five crowns awarded in heaven to believers are literal crowns or another form of honor, they are rewards God intends for us to seek and they warrant our attention:

 

The Imperishable Crown (1 Corinthians 9.24-25) goes to those who run their race in a manner to actually win it. Their lives are marked by rigors of discipline and perseverance, not idle comfort. While most toil all their lives for things that become obsolete, break and rust, the imperishable crown goes to those who labor for the prize of heaven that does not decay but instead lasts forever. Pursue the prize that never fades!

 

The Crown of Rejoicing (1 Thessalonians 2:19) goes to those who continue to rejoice in God – all the time. That’s a hard teaching for those in the midst on ongoing suffering. But our greatest rejoicing is not in whether our circumstance is either ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Our rejoicing is in the presence of God and His goodness in and through all things that work together. We rejoice because our Lord sees us where we are. He blesses us with His grace and comfort, His strength and love. The crown of rejoicing speaks to God’s presence in your life now and also when He will wipe away all tears, sorrow, and pain – forever!

 

The Crown of Righteousness (2 Timothy 4:8) is awarded to those who love Jesus and look forward to His return. Jesus says the ones who love Him, obey Him. They pull away from the things of the world and express their faith by loving others in His name. We cannot earn righteousness. We inherit it by humbling ourselves and putting on His righteousness while we endure life’s troubles.

 

The Crown of Glory (1 Peter 5:4) goes to those who long for the return of Jesus, who regard God’s glory as greater than life itself. Remember how Stephen was able to see the glory of heaven even as he was being stoned? Paul said, “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8.18) Do you long for that glory to be fully revealed more than the things of this world?

 

The Crown of Life (Revelation 2:10) is for those endure suffering for the sake of the kingdom. “Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.” In the biblical sense, ‘life’ is not just eating and breathing; it’s having a right relationship with God, living ‘abundantly’ with Jesus even in trials. “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12) As you experience pain, sorrow, disappointment, and suffering of all kinds, look to Jesus, “the author and finisher of our faith.” (Hebrews 12.2). The crown of life awaits you.

 

In each case, the crowns go to the faithful who not only endure this life but run as to get the prize worth pursuing. Isn’t that what you really desire?