Funny man, Stephen Colbert, makes his living making jokes. But as is true with most of us, there’s more than meets the eye. Colbert suffered the tragic loss of his father and two brothers in a plane crash when he was ten years old. He could have become bitter. But Colbert credits his mother and his faith for not letting bitterness take root in his life. In his own words, “I am here to know God, love God, serve God, that we might be happy with each other in this world and with Him in the next. That makes a lot of sense to me.” He says that by his mom’s example he’s not bitter; broken, yes, but not bitter. If Colbert says that faith kept him from becoming bitter, I’m taking him at his word.
How does faith keep us from letting bitterness erode our life? There probably isn’t any one size fits all answer. Bitterness tries to maintain control over a situation and over others. Sometimes bitterness refuses to forgive. Other times, bitterness says, “I’ll forgive (with clenched teeth and fists), but by golly I’m not ever gonna forget!” (Which doesn’t seem much like forgiveness, does it?) In contrast to bitterness, faith learns to “let go and let God;” Faith makes us better.
Bitterness holds onto a grudge against past wrongs and angst. Faith holds onto the promise of future justice and peace. Bitterness poisons our soul, continually scratching at the open wound. Faith is a healing balm; restoring and building us up. Bitterness denies. Faith believes. Bitterness focuses on the pain, sorrow, and despair. Faith lives in the midst of pain and sorrow but focuses on hope.
Dr. Adrian Rogers said, “Bitterness blows out the candle of joy and leaves the soul in darkness.” Faith reminds us that God’s Word is a lamp unto our feet and a light to guide our path (Psalm 119:105). Billy Graham said “Every destructive emotion bears it own fruit, but the anger fruit is the bitterest of them all. Uncontrolled resentment and anger is a devastating sin and no one is exempt from its havoc. It shatters relationships and destroys marriages.” Faith bears its own fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness… and more. Which fruit do you want to eat every day? We’re repeatedly warned to get rid of bitterness, slander, wrath, and malice. It only destroys. But how do we give it up?
Giving up bitterness starts by deciding you want to be better, not bitter.
Being better moves us to forgiveness, knowing that we ourselves are forgiven only to the extent we forgive others. Forgiveness is as much for you as it is the other person. Getting rid of bitterness requires a conscious decision to live in harmony with others, in so far as it’s possible. A heart that is free of bitterness learns to listen more. It seeks more to understand than to be understood. It finds pleasure in building others up, not tearing them down. Bitterness makes us harsh; giving it up makes us more gentle and peaceful. Finally, bitterness is smothered by thankfulness. The more we find reason to give thanks, day by day and moment by moment, the less bitterness has room to grow.
I really don’t know if you can give up bitterness on your own. I couldn’t. I had to give it up to God and ask him to forgive my bitter heart. I needed him to give me a heart transplant; to give me a new heart that is so filled with his love, there just isn’t room for bitterness too.
You may feel broken. But you don’t have to be bitter. Be better instead. Let God change your heart.
