Category Archives: Humor

Beyond fear

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As a kid I was afraid of the dark, spiders, and heights. The first two don’t much bother me anymore. When Marcia and I first started dating (I was 15 or 16) I took her to the State Fair. Most fair rides make me dizzy but no young teen is going to admit this to his girl. So when she said she wanted to ride the double ferris wheel, I said sure, even though I was hoping more for the carousel…or the park bench. Now, in my mind the double ferris wheel, is a pure invention of evil. There is no practical reason a body should be thrust from three feet off the ground to, oh I think about a mile or two at what seems like 80 MPH. It might be a bit less than that but it is a high-speed, jerky ride no one should go on. But being in love, I was cool, calmly and through clenched teeth asking my dear to not shake the car while maintaining an iron clad grip on the one inch steel bar (you can probably still find my hand imprint today), you know, to make sure she didn’t fall through.

In my mind, I think I do a lot better now, but fears do have a way of grabbing us and not letting go, don’t they? Some fears are rational and others have no basis for existence. They are False Evidence Appearing Real; like when you thought there was a monster in the closet or spooks under your bed.

What do you fear? What False Evidence Appears Real to you? Evidently the fear of speaking in public still ranks high amongst top fears. Some people fear success so they never step up to a challenge. I’ve known some who feared talking with God because they couldn’t see him or wasn’t sure he would listen. (He will.) Some folk fear the future, imprisoned by teachings in their past.

Freedom in faith might be the opposite of slavery to doubt and fear. Faith isn’t just the absence of doubt and fear; faith is doing what you fear, trusting in the outcome. It is courage in the face of fear. I don’t know how this leukemia journey will end, any more than you know what unexpected turns you will face. But I believe in a good ending and this helps me break through fear.

Maybe it would be helpful to make a list of your fears, crossing out the ones based on false evidence. With the others, consider what God said to Joshua:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

You don’t have to live in the shadow of fear. Faith brings Light that casts out shadows. Be strong and courageous.
Put on faith and let your fears remain in the closet.

A Most Wonderful Day!

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One morning a woman said to her husband, “I bet you don’t know what day this is today.”
“Of course I do!” the husband indignantly replied as he went out the door.
At 11:00 that day the doorbell rang and when the woman answered it she was handed a box full of long-stemmed red roses with a card that said: ” From your loving husband.”
At 1:00 again the doorbell rang and she was handed a foil wrapped box of her favorite chocolates with another card stating ” May this be the sweetest day of your life” from your loving husband.
Later that afternoon, a boutique delivered a designer dress to her.
The woman was so ecstatic she could hardly wait for her husband to come home.
When he walked in the door she ran up to him and said ” Oh honey! First the flowers, then the candy and then the beautiful dress! Thank you so much! I have never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my whole life!”

One of the beautiful aspects of life is that we don’t have to wait for one of those “Hallmark” holidays to express love, appreciation, and respect. And the expression needn’t always be expensive gifts. (Fortunately for me, that isn’t my wife’s primary love language anyway.) I’ve found that a hand-made card, a note on the mirror, a surprise day trip, or a thoughtful email is generally received with appreciation.

I remember appreciating phone calls and visits from those special friends who stayed with us through the first difficult year with our battle with leukemia. One person called and said they were stopping by McDonalds and wondered if they could stop by with a couple malts. Another brought subs for lunch. Others watched our cats so we could get away for some needed R&R. It doesn’t take an act of congress to make someone’s day a little a little more special.

How about you? What ideas do you have for making this a wonderful day? Maybe there is someone in your address book you haven’ heard from for awhile. I rather expect that the joy you share by sending a note or email will often return to you in some special way. And if they don’t reply, enjoy the satisfaction of opening doors of opportunity to people.

Today is waiting for something wonderful. Why not see what you can do to make that happen in someone’s life?

Oh, and happy Ground Hog Day. 🙂

Welcome the children

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In honor of the grandchildren coming to play today with Grandma … AND Grandpa and in honor of my wife who really does know all this stuff!

“I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
“Why?” my granddaughter asked.
“Because it’s been on the ground. You don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty, and probably has germs,” I replied.
At this point, my granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?
“You are so smart.”
I was thinking quickly, “All Grandmas know this stuff. It’s on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Grandma.”
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
“Oh…I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don’t pass the test, you have to be the Grandpa.”
“Exactly,” I replied.”

“And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.”
Matthew 18:5 (Jesus speaking)

Beyond optimism

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One day the sun was shinning brightly and the optimist said, “Great day, eh?”
The pessimist said, “The stupid sun will burn the crops.”
The next day it rained. Again the optimist tried to engage his friend, but the pessimist’s only response was: “Stinking rain will wash out all the seed!”
So the optimist took his friend duck hunting, which he loved.
After the first duck was shot the optimist dispatched his dog to fetch the duck.
The dog ran on top of the water, picked up the duck and ran back.
The optimist exclaimed “Did you see that?”
The pessimist replied, “Dog can’t swim, eh?”

The difference between the optimist and the pessimist is plain to see. But what would you say if someone asked you the difference between someone who is merely optimistic and someone with real hope? Psychology tells us the optimist expects the best even though they may have no actual idea of how they will obtain better results. It seems a bit like throwing coins down an old wishing well, “cross your fingers”, and that sort of thing. The one with hope, on the other hand, pursues a path designed to reach a better end. That path may or may not be trustworthy but that doesn’t keep someone from placing their hope and trust in it.

Because hope is not unique to those of spiritual belief, that path might be faith or it might be the efforts of self or others or it might be traditions passed down to them. What all of these “paths” have in common is trust that they will succeed in leading us to our desired end.

What you hope for and what you trust are directly related to each other. The Hindu puts their hope and trust in the karmic perfection of self. A Buddhist hopes they have done enough good and trusts this hope will reward them. Some people who call themselves Christians believe this too whereas the biblical view clearly states that those who put their complete trust in God’s son Jesus will not be disappointed. Some people hope and trust that nature will sort everything out.

In what do you put your ultimate hope and trust? Your ability to earn money? Your talents and physical strength? Your health? Your friends? All of these could be literally gone tomorrow. But there is one hope that does not fail. Examine your heart today. Test your anxious thoughts and see if your hope and trust is firmly and rightly placed.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit. Romans 15:13

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19

Are you an obstructionist or a peacemaker?

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An obstructionist is one who so steeped in their convictions they methodically cause problems for others who want to accomplish their objectives. There is no negotiation, little if any understanding, but much confrontation. Unlike the cartoon, I don’t think we aspire to become obstructionists, but high levels of frustration lead us to such destructive behaviors instead of pursuing our call to be peacemakers.

We quickly associate obstructionism with the political process. But it easily finds itself in the work environment and personal relationships where what someone is against speaks louder than what they are for. Lines are drawn sometimes arbitrarily in the sand; walls are built. Obstructionist behaviors take the form of discrediting, ridiculing, and dishonest passive aggressive manipulative efforts. Behaviors like the silent treatment, refusal to honestly communicate feelings, gossip, bringing up old issues, ‘compliments’ that feel like back stabbing, and intentional feet dragging also create tension and conflict rather than peaceful and respectful resolution of issues. Honest conflict is difficult enough to resolve, but indirect conflict is insidiously problematic. It creates a shifting darkness that make shining light difficult.

In the classic negotiation example, one will keep the other from getting all the orange. Though they only want the pulp for juice, they haven’t taken time to seek to understand the other’s interest. If they had, they would have discovered the other only wanted the rind to make marmalade. They could have both had EVERYTHING they wanted. Instead they settled for half or less.

The peacemaker realizes that dealing with these destructive behaviors calls for a “critical conversation” approach. Critical conversations are those that need to happen but are difficult, even painful, to conduct. Five points are essential to the success of these conversations and the disarming of covert obstructionism behavior:
1. Identify and keep focus on the behavior, without attacking the person.
2. State how you feel about these behaviors,
3. And why you find them harmful.
4. Ask for affirmation of your interpretation.
5. Communicate your desire to understand and be understood, to find common ground for harmonious resolution.

In doing this, you are not attacking the person or their values. Rather you are communicating a concern for a situation that harms a productive and caring relationship. Though difficult, critical conversations convey mutual value and build a bridge for a stronger relationship and improved outcomes.

God does this for us when he convicts us of our destructive behaviors. Godly peacemaking allows us to maintain our deepest beliefs through a forthright and honest discussion, based on love and respect. It builds any relationship, whether that between a husband and wife, parent and child, employee and employer, coworkers, friends, or positional opponents. The result, when we pursue peace instead is always greater joy, contentment, and purposeful meaning in our lives.

Are you an obstructionist or a peacemaker? Isn’t it time to let God’s light shine through you and give peace a chance?

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9

Have it your way?

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US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS A LARGE DESTROYER. WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
….Hello?

This humorous old tale serves as a good illustration of the futility of our insisting on having our own way all the time.

Who will control your will today…you or God? Your call.

Speak the truth

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I think it was Jimmy Carter’s mother’ “Lillian,” who was being interviewed one day by a snippy young reporter known for twisting the truth in the articles she wrote. “Have you ever told a lie, Mrs Carter?” Asked the young reporter?” trying to get some dirt on the presidential family. Mrs Carter replied, “Well actually, yes… A few minutes ago, when I said It was nice to meet you.”

We laugh understandably at her reply. After all, how would you feel about someone who spoke sweetly to your face but unkindly to you when speaking to others? Or someone who gives one side of a story when talking with you but the other side when speaking to others? Their actions are considered two-faced and indicative of a lapse of integrity on their part, not to be trusted.

Living and speaking the truth becomes more challenging as our society wrestles and twists the meaning of truth. The United States Declaration of Independence acknowledges that “we hold these truths to be self-evident.” God’s truth, always considered to be absolute, has been challenged for the last 50+ years by universities that have professed that truth is relative and dependent on our interpretation of the situation. Recently, Google and Merriam-Webster have taken up to define the word “literally” in a nonliteral meaning: “Used to acknowledge that something is not literally true but is used for emphasis or to express strong feeling.” In other words, literally doesn’t mean literally in our new society.

But we are intended to live one true life that is consistent from one place and time to another, and consistent and honoring to God. And it is for our own benefit. Have you ever noticed that when you speak the truth you don’t have to worry about getting caught up in what you said to whom three weeks ago? 🙂

This is a basic leadership truth for living with integrity and respect of others: Always speak truth to all persons, with grace, and you will experience freedom.

What is the moral compass or plumb line that guides you in speaking and living with truth and integrity -with grace- each day and in all your interactions?

“To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Romans 8:31-32

Speak up for what you believe!

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At the 2013 National Prayer breakfast (YouTube), world renown neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson spoke up about our nation’s founding fathers’ emphasis on the importance of freedom of expression. In doing so he tells a humorous story about a rich man who loved to buy exquisite and exotic gifts for his mother on mother’s day. One year he came across a fascinating pair of singing, dancing and talking birds that sold for $5,000 each. So he bought the pair and had them sent to his mother. Some days later he called his mother and excitedly asked her how were the birds? She said, “Oh, they were tasty!” He cried out, “Mom, those were rare singing, dancing, talking birds! You weren’t supposed to have eaten them!” To which his mother replied, “Well, they should have said something!”

Dr. Carson makes the point that we need to speak up for what we believe while maintaining respect for the other person. Talk about things that matter, topics well beyond sports, entertainment, gossip, and the weather. We can’t afford, as a nation or as communities or as individuals, to live in a politically correct world where no one talks about important matters. We can’t afford to wear our own beliefs so perilously on our shoulders that any off comment will knock them off their perch. (If that is the case, how firm are those beliefs anyway?)

The comments echoed his 1997 Prayer Breakfast speech (C Span) where he encouraged us to remember the things that make our nation great…those things that make OTHERS around us great. When we look at things from the perspective of others we are able to have meaningful, respectful dialog. And he issues a challenge I think is appropriate for us to take on today:

Commit to one week of not saying anything bad about anyone else.

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.” Romans 12:9-11

You Oughta Write a Book

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I’ve heard this several times from blog readers, so I thought why not? Unfortunately, the material just isn’t rolling in. Maybe it’s the titles. What do you think? 🙂

The Funny Thing About Leukemia

Lose Weight the Chemo Way

Loving The People Who Bring You Poison

Wake Up and Take Your Sleeping Pill

Five Types of Bowel Movements and Other Things Nurses Want To Know

From Bed to Recliner: Defining Your Daily Goal With Leukemia

…And my very personal favorite…

I Laughed So Hard My Hair Fell Out

– – – – – –

“A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

An Odd Conversation With God

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Leonard Pitts Jr. is a writer for the Miami Herald. Recently, he wrote an article entitled “A conversation with the ‘universal spirit.'” In it he relays a conversation he had with God while they were standing in line to watch Monsters University. Leonard expressed his dismay over a recent “religious” study conducted last year that reported that 12% of people who don’t believe in God, nevertheless pray, and that some of them pray to a “universal spirit.” God seemed unmoved by the concern. Moving forward in the line, Leonard complained how hypocritical it was for atheists to meet together in ‘godless congregations’ to meditate and reflect. “And this annoys you?” replied God, waving at a little child in line with them. Leonard replied, “I’m just saying if you believe, believe. If you don’t, then don’t. Make up your mind.” God replies, “You think it’s that simple? It’s not. Faith and doubt do not oppose each other. They define each other, like light and shadow.”

“Here’s the thing,” God said as they got their tickets and approached the snack counter. “I designed you to seek me, to feel a need for me. Leonard ask, “But what if they don’t find you?” God replies that finding is crucial but so is seeking and reminds Leonard of the crazy things some Christians do in his name. He added, “I wish more often people would hug in the name of God, heal in the name of God, make peace in the name of God. I would like that very much.”

BT: The bible is clear in showing that God accepts us where we are. No one comes to God with a clean act. It was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us, each one. So let’s be patient with each other and encourage those around us to keep seeking. Let us bear truth and grace, the Light of the World, reminding our selves that ultimately, any decisions are between an individual and the Spirit of God who draws them to Him. And let’s hug and make peace in His name.