One of the things I have noticed about myself in this walk with Leukemia is how much I pay attention to my daily numbers. (I know, some of you who know how God wired me are saying, “Duh!”) Everyday, at 4:00 a.m., the nurses draw my blood and every morning the doctor stops by to check on me and review how my blood counts are going. These counts determine whether I need more transfusions or not. They indicate how the chemo is doing destroying my blood cells (good and bad), and how my body is doing at producing new (hopefully just good) blood cells. (They also tell me when I get to go home!) There is nothing wrong with being aware of the daily numbers or the statistics about the difficulty of this battle. But the tendency to use these to predict how well I will do, or when I will get better is sometimes strong…even if ultimately of little value. It is a classic case of a personal strength actually at times becoming a weakness. As Steve Rabedeaux keenly reminded me, medical statistics are pretty insignificant compared with the plan of God.
We know that God wants us to trust Him and we should know that His plan is immensely wiser than ours. But as nurse Marci said in a conversation about this, none of us have it all together all the time. We are, she says, a “hot mess.”
Trusting God is not that the same thing as being ignorant, or indulging ourselves and then crying out to God in our time of need. We are urged to “count the costs” before starting a project (Luke 14:28). The story of Joseph cautions us to make preparation and save during good times to prepare for the lean times (Genesis 41). But we are also taught that God is strong in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) and that our ‘wisdom’ is “foolishness” to God (1 Corinthians 3:19).
In Judges chapter 7, God tells Gideon to reduce his army from 32,000 fighting men to just 300 who are faithful and diligent. And their task was to fight against 120,000 enemy soldiers! Such ridiculous odds were sure to reveal that the battle’s victory would belong entirely to God alone, not men.
There is a distinct difference between knowing about faith and living it. Ultimately, I completely trust God with the outcome of this cancer. But one of the lessons I am continuing to learn is how much I need Jesus to show me the way to live out my faith moment by moment.
Numbers can be related to health, finances, weather forecasts, job security, house cleaning, friendships, and so much more. How do you balance faith and numbers in your life?
“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” Psalm 20:7
Through my mysterious season of pain I have seen a long list of health care professionals. Last year during a particularly tough phase what seemed like a door of opportunity for help abruptly closed. While recognizing God was ultimately in control of each detail, at the moment it was confusing and disappointing. A friend shared Psalm 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man (doctors). This was a huge blessing to me and I have reflected on it many times and found it comforting.
As I believe and practice …someone else’s ‘numbers’ mean nothing for your situation…it is YOUR life and your situation that matters …and oh yes, Let Go and Let God!
Lovely to hear the testimonies! Thanks. I have to share my verse for this week – Daniel 10:19 God loves you, so don’t let anything (including numbers) worry you or frighten you. Hey, what comforting reassurance is that? Bless you Bryan.
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8 God listens, “really listens” as Jane would say, and that makes all the difference. Loving prayers are with you both.