I was talking with another cancer patient recently, and the conversation turned to how crises have a way of getting our attention and how they often cause us to dig deeper in our life. We shared how this horrific disease drew each of us closer to our spouse and also to God. I suppose it is cliché to comment on how it encourages us to think about what is important in life, what we want to be known for and how we want to spend the days we have. The ‘need’ to BE right gives way more and more to focus on having the right spirit. Tozer writes in The Keys to the Deeper Life, “Always it is more important that we retain a right spirit toward others than we bring them into our way of thinking, even if our way is right.”

How many times have you found yourself in an ‘argument’ over some trivial matter? “It was in 1974.” “No it was 1975.” It will be faster if we turn left here.” “No, it will be longer that way; turn right.” I remember sitting in the back seat of a car as the couple in front spent a full five minutes berating each other over who was right. It is not that disagreement is unhealthy. Quite the contrary sometimes. But striving over trivial matters is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Even good relationships can be better, even great.

Marcia and I used to get caught up in such pettiness. I suppose sometimes we still do, but we are quicker to realize the trap before we fall too deeply into it. Sometime ago we discovered the wisdom of, “Maybe you’re right,” not as some psychobabble but of realizing 1) we might in fact be wrong and 2) that too much focus on trivial arguments is slippery slope toward relational distancing.

Sometimes, determining the right facts is crucial to a conversation. But many times not. Think on your interactions with others and how many times you find yourself sliding into trivial arguments that don’t matter. Is that really how you want to spend your time? How does having to be right affect the other aspects of your relationship with others? And your relationship with God?

Let’s all commit to living a deeper life, one where we measure when it is important to strive, and when striving becomes harmful.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. James 4:1-2