An obstructionist is one who so steeped in their convictions they methodically cause problems for others who want to accomplish their objectives. There is no negotiation, little if any understanding, but much confrontation. Unlike the cartoon, I don’t think we aspire to become obstructionists, but high levels of frustration lead us to such destructive behaviors instead of pursuing our call to be peacemakers.

We quickly associate obstructionism with the political process. But it easily finds itself in the work environment and personal relationships where what someone is against speaks louder than what they are for. Lines are drawn sometimes arbitrarily in the sand; walls are built. Obstructionist behaviors take the form of discrediting, ridiculing, and dishonest passive aggressive manipulative efforts. Behaviors like the silent treatment, refusal to honestly communicate feelings, gossip, bringing up old issues, ‘compliments’ that feel like back stabbing, and intentional feet dragging also create tension and conflict rather than peaceful and respectful resolution of issues. Honest conflict is difficult enough to resolve, but indirect conflict is insidiously problematic. It creates a shifting darkness that make shining light difficult.

In the classic negotiation example, one will keep the other from getting all the orange. Though they only want the pulp for juice, they haven’t taken time to seek to understand the other’s interest. If they had, they would have discovered the other only wanted the rind to make marmalade. They could have both had EVERYTHING they wanted. Instead they settled for half or less.

The peacemaker realizes that dealing with these destructive behaviors calls for a “critical conversation” approach. Critical conversations are those that need to happen but are difficult, even painful, to conduct. Five points are essential to the success of these conversations and the disarming of covert obstructionism behavior:
1. Identify and keep focus on the behavior, without attacking the person.
2. State how you feel about these behaviors,
3. And why you find them harmful.
4. Ask for affirmation of your interpretation.
5. Communicate your desire to understand and be understood, to find common ground for harmonious resolution.

In doing this, you are not attacking the person or their values. Rather you are communicating a concern for a situation that harms a productive and caring relationship. Though difficult, critical conversations convey mutual value and build a bridge for a stronger relationship and improved outcomes.

God does this for us when he convicts us of our destructive behaviors. Godly peacemaking allows us to maintain our deepest beliefs through a forthright and honest discussion, based on love and respect. It builds any relationship, whether that between a husband and wife, parent and child, employee and employer, coworkers, friends, or positional opponents. The result, when we pursue peace instead is always greater joy, contentment, and purposeful meaning in our lives.

Are you an obstructionist or a peacemaker? Isn’t it time to let God’s light shine through you and give peace a chance?

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9