Tag Archives: chemo

This too will pass

 

This too shall pass.

 

We say this when we’re going through tough times. It reminds us to hold on to hope that our trials will not last forever. It teaches us to not take the good times for granted.

 

While “this to will pass” is not found in the bible, the concept is a common thread throughout biblical teaching. The writer of Ecclesiastes says, “For every thing there is a season and a time for everything under heaven.” Whatever you are experiencing now, be it happiness or sorrow, pleasure or pain, it will not last; it too will pass with time.

 

I remember thinking between my second and third rounds of chemo that my innards would never heal. The chemo wreaked havoc on my mouth, esophagus, stomach and intestines. After two months of daily pain I wondered if this was to be my new normal. But in time, the pain passed. Even as different pains replaced it, I remember being thankful not to have to endure the same pain for a third month.

 

Yet sometimes the same pain or sorrow DOES last for seasons, years, or even a lifetime. What are we to say then? Paul suffered some ongoing ‘thorn in his side.’ After considerable prayer he moved on, accepting it would continue. Still he wrote that his troubles were small compared to the glory that awaits us. In other words, pain and sorrow doesn’t last forever for the follower of Christ. That may seem impossible to grasp when the pain is so intense and when the darkness of the night seems it will never give way to morning. But this too will pass. In fact, Paul writes that not only will our present troubles pass, but they are actually working to create this new glory. Our troubles are the building material that creates future glory. We understand that hard work and perseverance create accomplishments. We can grasp that loving acts build up loving relationships. But pain building up greatness and glory?

 

Glory isn’t a word we often use in every day conversation. It might help to think of it as being held in highest honor. What kind of honor do you think is built up by your suffering? Could it be the honor of faithfulness, perseverance amongst trials, or simple obedience to do what God says? Or is it the magnificent and radiant glory of the perfect God who lives in you, joining you to himself, to his glory?

 

Whatever you face today, turn your eyes from that circumstance and focus on the goodness yet to be revealed by God. Let his presence calm you, his grace sustain you, and his promises give you great hope. . . because this too will pass.

 

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18

 

 

Filled up?

I remember my first round of chemo nine months ago. And actually, all three rounds, 21 days total, had the same effect. Each daily dose seemed to fill up my body a bit more. It felt just like filling a jug with water, until after day seven, it seemed I was quite “over filled,” and the nausea set in. Interestingly, my last chemo was five months ago and yet the results continue to work through my body. I just lost my ten fingernails and the ten toenails are not far behind. It’s a very minor thing and hardly worth mentioning except as related to the cumulative effect of troubles. Little things, repeated over and over and added to others have a cumulative effect of wearing on our body and soul. (As a celebrative side note, the steroids have jump started my appetite and given me a little more energy. I think my Failure to thrive diagnosis will go away in 2-3 months. After three months of living on 700-1000 calories a day and near continual pain, it is good to feel good even if temporary! The diabetes and insulin routine has returned with the steroids but that is likely temporary. It reminds me how God is ALWAYS good, but oh how we love to sing His praises when prayers are answered with his restoration and healing!)

I suspect most ongoing troubles you face have a similar tendency to make you feel more and more filled up until you are sure you cannot take anymore: an irritating coworker, a family or other relationship conflict, constant struggles with finances, the vain pursuit of happiness in worldly things. Even relatively small troubles seem to have power to diminish comparatively large blessings in your life. Things easily get out of perspective. I know. I’ve been there too.

Yet we are well to remind ourselves that the Lord’s compassions never fail. They are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23) He IS good and everlasting (Psalm 100:4) and His goodness in us is much stronger than the troubles that beset us. And like the troubles that seem to fill us up more and more until we feel we can barely swallow, God responds with
His practical love. come to me. trust me in this. Rely, I can handle it. Get some sleep and rest in Me for awhile.

Are you filled up and fed up with troubles today to the point that you can’t take anything else in? Find that quiet place with God and pour them out before Him as an offering of trust, and be filled with His peace that surpasses all understanding.

“Come to me all of you who are weary, and I will give you rest.” – Jesus, Matthew 11:28

Top Ten List: Benefits of Being a Patient at Mercy Oncology

There is nothing funny about cancer. It is a tough and deadly disease to fight. But I am fighting hard and am reminded daily of God’s great mercy. I also love to laugh and find that looking at the light side of life is sometimes good medicine. With that in mind, let me offer my Top Ten List: Benefits of Being a Patient at Mercy Oncology. (I hope YOU don’t have to be here to appreciate the humor! I’m sure the nurses will understand! ๐Ÿ™‚

10. With all the fluids they give you there is NO CHANCE of getting a urinary tract infection!
9. Overnight vitals, bed checks, pills, IV changes, 4 a.m. Daily Blood draws… NO ONE complains of over-sleeping!
8. On chemo days you can order good food whenever you DON’T feel like eating.
7. About the time you lose your appetite completely, they give you a beautiful room…with a kitchenette.
6. Those stylish hospital gowns.
5. Chemo makes ‘bad hair days’ a thing of the past!
4. Getting blood marked “VOLUNTEER Donor,” not the stuff taken from unwilling donors. (Credit to son Mike for that observation.)
3. Anti-infection procedures designed by Michael Jackson.
2. Coupon for a free haircut…after you lose all your hair.
1. NOT having a “red slippers” day! (See December archive, “Life in the Hospital” for explanation)

I’m thinking I might write a book about this experience someday and already have some of the page numbers done.

Life is serious stuff. Don’t forget to laugh along the way. And help others do the same!

“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21

Waiting

There is apparently is a lot of waiting with Leukemia treatment:
Waiting to complete first round of chemo – 7 days
Waiting for the chemo to finish it’s work – another 7-10 days
Waiting for your digestive system and energy to return – (unknown)
Waiting for the immune system to ‘start’ itself again -7 to 10 days+
Waiting for the bone marrow biopsy test results – couple days
*Repeat process as needed*

We are about ten days from learning whether the second round of chemo knocked the cancer down. The goal at this point is simply remission. There will be more waiting to determine next treatment steps if/when remission is achieved by this attempt.

Today was one of those days when you walk across the room and lie back down. Then later there is enough energy to take a short walk. I got off unit privileges today so was able to get a breath of fresh air for the first time in 39 days. That was pretty special!

The Bible is filled with true stories of waiting. It seems a prerequisite for everything good. And we don’t need to worry because the Bible is a manual for practical living by faith. I think some of the best instructions the Bible gives is to keep on believing and to put that faith to work; to set yourself apart from the way the rest of the world responds to things (worry, fear, speculation); and to seek the peace that Jesus offers in the middle of any storm.

If you have to wait for something, it seems that holding on to your faith is an essential strategy. What do you think?

“Fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience which some have rejected and so have suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith.”
1 Timothy 1:18b-19

Staying Healthy

As a Leukemia patient, a significant part of my energy each day is spent keeping myself healthy. Having finished my second round of chemotherapy, my immune system is again on its way down to zero. It seems at this point at least that infection, not Leukemia, is my biggest threat. As well as I am doing through this treatment, a single infection or common cold can drastically change things quickly. And that is true for each of us in this severe flu season.

I have always strived to live a healthy life, but never have been THIS focused on protecting myself from infection. (I’m not quite to the Michael Jackson phase.) We love having visitors but ask them to come only when completely healthy. We ask them to wear masks when they enter my environment and I always wear a mask when I leave my room.

Apart from that, the elements of my regime are beneficial to all of us in this flu season: Wash hands with soap and use hand sanitizer frequently throughout the day. Keep the skin moist. You know the drill.

But are we as careful to practice other essentials of maintaining a healthy immune system?

  • Maintain consistent and quality sleep patternsย 
  • Avoid useless (and harmful) worry
  • Cultivate a sense of humor and find reason to laugh
  • Enjoy time with family and friends
  • Encourage others
  • Take short breaks throughout the day to refresh your mind and spirit
  • Pray
  • Find reason to give thanks throughout the day, regardless of how crummy the day seems

    “Be joyful always; pray continually;
    give thanks in all circumstances,
    for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
    1 Thessalonians 5:16

    Stay healthy…in body, mind, and spirit!

Belief Trumps Attitude

I am learning some important lessons in this journey. For example, as strength varies throughout the day and when appetite diminishes, I learn to eat my ice cream FIRST! ๐Ÿ™‚

I have heard many folks say we have good spirits or a strong attitude in the face of this cancer. The simple truth is this:

“Our gospel came to you not simply with words, but with POWER, with the Holy Spirit, and with DEEP CONVICTION. The word of God is AT WORK in you who BELIEVE.” 1 Thessalonians 1:5,13

None of us get this right all the time. We all get distracted. (For example, getting up the courage to eat was sometimes a struggle for me during the chemo, as was forcing myself to walk at least a half mile on my weakest days.) But God’s Word promises there is real power available to those who believe it…power to live out our moment by moment lives according to what we believe.

I remember teaching a values clarification class on stress management years ago to a group of adults with mental illness. In the middle of the discussion, a young man raised his hand and asked, “So you are saying that whenever we act in ways that contradict our true beliefs, we will always experience stress?” Exactly!

Belief is an active word. It doesn’t just refer to an historical discovery of some principle. True belief drives us to present action despite what circumstances may present themselves. We choose to love in unlovable moments. We keep quiet when we are tempted to complain about someone. We reach out when we are inclined to withdraw. We believe even as doubts cross our mind.

When the Bible says ‘believe’ it actually means “Keep on believing.” We can’t simply rely on a past decision or experience. We have to keep believing in the midst of each circumstance, the great ones and the challenging ones. True belief reminds us of our passion and purpose and doesn’t let the storms of life distract us. True belief keeps us focused with eyes firmly fixed on our goal, so we can continue to press on toward the prize we seek.

Dealing with this Leukemia requires all the prayers that many of you are offering on behalf of Marcia and me. (It matters!) And it requires believing and acting on belief, in what is and always has been true, and always will be true.

A Time To Run – A Time To Be Still

We just realized that I’ve completed my first “Leukemia Marathon” here at Mercy Hospital, over 26.2 miles. And it only took me 30 days to finish the job, one very slow quarter-mile at a time! ๐Ÿ™‚

The second round of chemo is more exhausting than the first, I suppose because my body didn’t have opportunity to really bounce back before getting knocked down again. Some days are made for resting, not ‘running.’

Knowing how tired I’ve been getting, one of my dear nurses gave me a huge mug with just the message I needed for today:

Be still and know that I am God. – Psalm 46:10

This has long been one of my favorite verses and one of great encouragement. It reminds me that God is more than enough when I stop striving and just be still before Him. Resting does not come easy to me, in fact it often fights against my nature. But God’s solution for us often does go against our nature.

Don’t we all have areas of our lives where we just need to be still before God?

Live life!

There are some words you never tire of hearing:
“I love you. I forgive you. Be my friend.”

There are others that are less inviting to hear:
“You have Leukemia.”
And after 27 days of treatment… “You STILL have Leukemia.”

We learned yesterday that there were more “blasts,” though only 10% compared to my original 96%. And so in the last 24 hours we have been contemplating two possible scenarios: 1) all is well (blasts might be normal); go home today or 2) the Leukemia is more resistive than anticipated and we basically start over with another 7 day round of chemo and another month hospital stay. It has been a day and night of pursuing faith in the midst of honest questions and human emotions.

Today’s news: The Leukemia remains.

But before anyone responds with, “How terrible,” we were instantly reminded that another month stay here means more opportunity to grow relationships here at the hospital, and that wherever God places you is a good place to be. My devotion for today is from Colossians 1:10-13 (summarized):
Live a live worthy of the Lord.
Bear fruit. Grow. Be strengthened. Have great endurance and patience.
Joyfully give thanks.

With the opportunity to continue to grow relationships here, I was not surprised to wake up this morning with this song on my mind, Mighty To Save…Let the words speak deeply to you today as they do to me:
V1
Everyone needs compassion, love that’s never failing, let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, the Hope of nations.
CHORUS:
Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.
Forever, author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave.
V2
So take me as you find me, All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow, Everything I believe in,
So I surrender.
(Repeat chorus)
Chorus 2:
SHINE YOUR LIGHT and let the whole world see,
We’re singing to the glory of the risen King!
(Repeat chorus 1)

A Hairy Confession

I have a confession to make. I’ve always had sort of a vain obsession with my hair. There, I said it. Since I was a young teen I have been a little too focused on my hair, especially the part that never laid down quite right. If you added a lifetime of minutes fussing over such a trivial thing, it would certainly amount to way too much wasted time. I wonder what other parts of my life have been completely wasted and the time I would like to redeem when the end of life draws near!

When I found myself responding so well to chemo, I thought to myself, maybe I will be the rare one who doesn’t lose his hair. Then, when it started thinning, I thought, maybe I won’t lose ALL of it. Then came today. With fistfuls of hair coming out with each comb stroke, I realized today was THE day. One of the ironic things here is that when you lose your hair, they give you a coupon for a free haircut downstairs. So my technician Lita escorts me downstairs on the first off unit “field trip” of my three week stay here. After the barber shaved my head, I thought this would be a good picture, Lita with her full head of thick curly locks and me with my bald head.

‘Not sure if I should start working on my Bruce Willis accent (“Hair loss is God’s way of telling me I’m human”) or Elmer Fudd (“Kill da wabbit.”)
image

Life In The Hospital

I was a bit upset with myself yesterday, one of my most tiring days, having found a Casey’s gas card separated from a large stack of get well cards. I’m sorry for not being able to thank the giver. People have been generous to pray for us and send cards. After receiving fresh blood transfusion today I am much stronger but still can’t remember who sent the gas card. Hopefully they will read this blog and know we are grateful. I’ll use this burst of energy to share a little about life here in the hospital.

Is it a sign of the vampire syndrome when you look forward to fresh blood? I get transfusions of blood products (either red blood cells or platelets) about 5 days each week, because my bone marrow isn’t yet able to keep up with the supply on its own. Our witty youngest son made this observation upon seeing a picture of the bag of blood which was marked “volunteer donor.” He quipped, “Does this mean that they sometimes use blood taken from people against their will?” ๐Ÿ™‚

I am learning that one of the benefits of chemo is when part of your hair doesn’t lie down properly, you can just tug lightly at it and it evens it right out. It has a way of making bad hair days a thing of the past. Hair today, gone tomorrow?

I had a really good night’s sleep last night; so good, I actually dreamt.
I dreamt I had Leukemia. The irony made me laugh when I awoke.

Being in the hospital is kind of like being a kid again. The nurses get all excited over my toilet outcomes.

I’m glad to be able to wear brown footy socks again. During my fever episode last week I became light-headed and fell. That automatically triggers ‘red socks’ which are given to patients at risk of falling. It was like a scarlet letter for me the next 24 hours while I felt tethered to someone there to assist me. I am normally very independent with all my personal cares but they suggested my perky 20-year-old technician should assist with my shower. Uh no. I told them I could wait until my wife arrived, thank you.

The other night I had a new nurse who encouraged me to use the call light if I needed anything. I told her that I almost never use the call button unless my IV machine is beeping. She thought for a moment and then said to Marcia and me, “You can push the button if you miss me.” She turned to leave my room and I called her back. “Yes?” she asked. I told her we missed her already. We all laughed.

Having to spend so much of my day paying close attention to keeping my body free of infection gives me a new outlook on Michael Jackson. I’m thinking about getting a white glove.