Tag Archives: disagreement and division

The battle for who’s right

 

There was discord and disagreement.  A battle over whose voice would prevail. Finger pointing and plenty of blame to go around. Who’s right and who’s wrong. Words that should have been left unsaid were spoken in frustration and anger. It seemed everyone was keeping score. Does it sound like a political debate? Or a recent business meeting, or maybe a family gathering?  It seems that wherever two or three gather together there is room for disagreement. Everyone wants to be heard. Truthfully, we’d all like to have it our way.

 

It’s a scene that has been played out to various degrees over the centuries and is plenty common today in our communities, our businesses, our homes, and sometimes even in our churches. It was the situation when Paul was writing the church in Corinth (1 Corinthians 11). There were disagreements over whether men and women should cover their heads or not, disagreements over the length of hair, even disagreements when they came together to commemorate the Lord’s Supper. Paul reprimanded them for their divisive behaviors, offering really good counsel – for them – and for us today:

 

Everyone ought to examine themselves… (V 28)

 

What does examining ourselves do to a disagreement? Examining ourselves checks our motives. Do we want to understand the other person as much as we want to be understood? Are we seeking a wise and just resolution to the problem or do we just want to be right? Is it our intent to build understanding or to attack? Are we interested in peace or just giving someone a piece of our mind? (Be careful, we all only have so many pieces!)

 

Examining ourselves also checks our behaviors. I spent decades of my life working in crisis deescalation situations. One of the key lessons learned was to examine our own body language: our posture, our muscle tension (relaxed, not clenched), our tone of voice, facial expression, and words. The louder the other person became, the softer we would speak. Examining our behavior defuses a fueled situation. It speaks calm and compassion, first to ourselves and then to others. It’s one thing to be firm and stand our ground and quite another to belittle another person.

 

While examining ourselves is a practical and helpful discipline toward resolving disagreement, there’s an even more effective approach. Jesus said that wherever two or three gather together in his name, he would be there also. Jesus, with his authority, grace, wisdom, love, and power is ready to present himself whenever we invite him into our discussions, whether they be about politics, business, or who takes out the garbage. We learn to follow the example of Jesus when we invite him into the fray of our disagreements. When he is the head, we have fewer battles about whose idea prevails because the matter is submitted to him first, and we seek to follow his example in building understanding and unity.

 

When do we examine ourselves? Paul instructed that we should do this before taking communion. Actually, each and every meal invites us to quiet ourselves before God, to humbly confess our wayward ways, and ask him to bless us with his presence. We could gain a greater sense of peace and harmony if we’d learn to examine ourselves whenever we meet with others, especially when disagreements abound.

 

The battle over who is going to be right, especially over trivial matters, is better shifted to who is going to behave rightly. Let’s find many opportunities to invite Jesus into the business of our daily lives, and especially into our relationships. And may peace be yours to enjoy and share.