Tag Archives: Francis of Assisi

The dangers when you are hurt

 

How do you typically respond when someone has hurt you? Perhaps they were careless with hurtful words or they betrayed a trust. Maybe it’s become a pattern of behavior for them to speak down to you or insult you in hurtful ways. Or maybe the hurt comes from being shut out, ignored, disregarded and disrespected. There are two dangers that come upon us in such times. One is to be overly lenient and allowing abuse to continue. The other is being unforgiving and holding a grudge against the offender, which ends up hurting us as much as the offender.

 

Paul came across such a situation when writing the church at Corinth (2 Corinthians 2). Someone had committed an offense against the body of believers and their response was not to be too lenient but to discipline the fellow and furthermore, to hold his abuse over him. Maybe you can recall a time when you hurt someone, whether intentionally or carelessly but having asked forgiveness found that others would not let it go. It’s a dangerous place, both for the prisoner and for the one who holds them captive. Paul’s response was to caution them to not be overly severe in their discipline and to make sure that real forgiveness is shown. When forgiveness is withheld there is danger of being “swallowed up with too much sorrow” (v 7) for the offender and too much bitterness for the one holding the grudge. Not forgiving is like drinking poison you intended for the other person.

 

Repentance (the real turning away from abusive ways) and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin. Together, they mark how we are to spend our lives. Actually, isn’t it how we are designed, to compassionately and intentionally invest ourselves in harmonious relationships? In relationships, there is no room for pride when someone else comes humbly seeking forgiveness. In fact, we are called to forgive “as we have been forgiven” (even before we repented). Forgiveness is simply for giving. Too often in public cases we sense some sort of “righteous indignation” when one’s wrongs are discovered. But our goal is not to destroy the individual but rather restore them.

 

Is that how you approach matters when you are hurt? Is it how you feel when some well known public figure is knocked down? There are prices to be paid for hurtful deeds, including those which can never be fully undone. But a humble spirit realizes its own failings and readily forgives. We can’t always restore relationships, but we can be vessels that encourage restoration – peacemakers at heart. Do you want more peace in your life, and more joy? Consider making this your daily prayer:

 

“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.” – Prayer of Francis of Assisi