It was a good birthday: time for celebration with my amazing wife and time for reflection. A friend brought me a classic devotional, “Streams in the Desert.” This thought spoke directly to my heart:
“Perhaps your desire to receive what you want is stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled.”
For the past 77 days, every day, the realities of cancer have hijacked my life more than I have wanted. Yes, faith has guided us and sustained us daily. But medical appointments, blood counts, research, transplant plans, chemo, and the tiredness that keeps me from accomplishing simple chores… all these details that need attending to have taken residence in my life. Cancer has usurped our goals and replaced them with a goal of “getting through this” and being a two year “survivor.”
The sense of isolation and inability to work has weighed as heavily on me as the cancer itself. I thrive on interaction. I’ve committed my life work and future ministry to this. It just doesn’t ‘make sense’ to go through another ‘desert’ at this point in my life. I have been through others and thought I’d learned what I needed from those experiences. And then it hit me:
Cancer limits me but it doesn’t have to define my life.
My desire to get through this is strong. But my desire for God’s will to be fulfilled in the midst of this and through this is stronger. I don’t want to miss what He wants to reveal.
I wonder, what is defining your life?
Is it the desire to be accepted by others? Or maybe the need to always have your way. Is it the desire to ‘get ahead’ in life? The pursuit of health and fitness or some new fad? Or maybe a sense of belonging to a worthwhile cause, to do ‘enough’ good things. Is it an uncomfortable position you find yourself in? Or maybe hopelessness has filled you with despair? Or Facebook?
God has a marvelous plan for you. May your life be continually shaped and defined by His love and the hope He offers you.
“I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11