Tag Archives: healthy grief

Recovering from grief

 

The cancers of our life eat away at everything we’ve ‘gained’ and leave us with a profound sense of loss. By ‘cancer’ I mean not only that wretched medical condition that ravishes the body but also the other life tragedies that act as a cancer to our soul: Alzheimer’s disease, chronic pain, depression, the deep lostness that separates us from a loved one who has died or one who has severed a loving relationship while they still live. We grieve over our losses: lost dreams, lost opportunities, and loss of those we’ve befriended over the years. We might even experience ‘survivor’s guilt’, questioning why we survived and others didn’t.

 

Be it immense or small, it’s all grief to us and we have to find helpful ways to express it. Healthy recovery always involves coming to acceptance with what was, what now is and also a future that still can be fulfilling. It also always seems to involve building and strengthening mutually supportive relationships. It’s part of how God designed us. For sure, many will offer countless bits of counsel that seem to bring little solace at the time. We’re told to snap out of it, move on, and look on the bright side. True, some ways of handling grief are unhealthy and need prompting. Some try to deny their grief, thinking it is unfitting of them, conjecturing that Christian soldiers should be stronger in battle. The truth is grief is real and a necessary part of our recovery and healthy grieving brings us to a stronger place.

 

“I have never heard anyone say, “The really deep lessons of my life have come through times of ease and comfort.” But I have heard strong saints say, “Every significant advance I have ever made in grasping the depths of God’s love and growing deep with him, has come through suffering.”  – John Piper

 

Positive growth is a natural outcome of suffering and healthy grieving. It’s not just ‘moving on’ as if to escape from the past. It’s finding purpose and meaning in moving to a healthier future. You might come to interpret your grief journey as an unexpected blessing. Then again, maybe you won’t. Your interpretation of the journey is a personal one. You might find that keeping a daily journal of your thoughts, experiences, and revealed truths will help you sort things out. Sharing with trusted and mature friends can also guide you on the difficult path. I consider that any journey that brings me closer to God and closer to others is a worthwhile journey.

 

One aspect of grief recovery may seem strange but I’ve both seen and experienced its benefit: pouring yourself into others. Investing in others is biblically sound. Beyond distracting us from remaining too long in an unhealthy place, investing in others offers growth opportunities. God designed us to be strengthened when we strengthen others. Sharing your recovery experiences may help someone else who is going through a similar challenge. You can encourage others in ways you were encouraged or even in ways you wish you had been encouraged. Visit someone who is suffering or alone. Write letters of encouragement. Finding even small ways to bring light into their darkness will cast light into your own.

 

Do what you can and what is mutually beneficial but don’t try to do it all. The recovery process is one of balance. Acknowledge your grief in this difficult path but be also intentional about discovering daily reasons to give thanks and celebrate the continuing journey.