Tag Archives: incompatible behaviors

Complaining

 

There’s a story about a monk who lived in a monastery. He had taken a vow of silence and was not allowed to speak at all, except once every ten years, he was allowed to speak just two words. When his first ten years at the monastery were completed, the abbot said, “It’s been ten years of silence. What two words would you like to speak?”  “Bed…hard…” replied the monk. “I see,” replied the abbot.

Ten years later, the abbot again said, “It has been ten more years. “What are the two words you would like to speak?” “Food… stinks…” said the monk. “I see,” replied the head monk.

Ten more years passed and the abbot asked the monk, “What are your two words now, after these ten years?” “I… quit!” said the monk.  “Well, I can see why,” replied the abbot. “All you ever do is complain.”

 

We all find reasons to complain, don’t we? I complain a lot more than once every ten years. Probably you do too. We complain about the weather when it’s cold and also when it’s hot, when it’s raining and when it’s dry. We complain and grumble when someone doesn’t do something exactly the way we like it even when they were well intended. We complain about being bored and also complain when life is too busy. We find reason to complain about all kinds of troubles, forgetting what our troubles look like in comparison to the still heavier burdens others bear. We complain about most everything that ultimately tests and strengthens our faith.

 

It doesn’t serve us well. In fact it always works against us and is a detriment to our Christian testimony. But still we give in to complaining. We don’t want our reputation to be that of a complainer but what are we to do? The key to shutting down a bad habit like complaining is choosing something that is incompatible with it. What if you pinched yourself every time you found yourself complaining and instead focused on one of these behaviors:

Accepting – Stop fighting what you can’t change and find peace in the storm.

Commending – Find reasons to appreciate someone – or your situation.

Agreeing – It’s hard to complain when you find some piece of common ground.

Helping – The cure to many disappointments is found in helping others.

Rejoicing – We can complain about what we’ve lost or rejoice in what remains.

Applauding – Discover the the joy of catching someone (and yourself!) doing something well!

Surrendering – Give up to God what you’re not handling well.

 

Give yourself the gift of happiness.  Commit to reducing your complaining.

 

“Be hospitable to one another without complaint.” 1 Peter 4:9

 

Stop grumbling – Give thanks instead!

 

 

The new year is filled with resolutions of things to START doing. Start to exercise more, eat healthier, read the bible, pray more…you get the idea. But the secret to starting something new is often found in STOPPING something you are presently doing that is working against your better behalf. The reverse is also true: stopping a negative behavior requires replacing it with a new appropriate one. The secret to keeping your resolutions is to pay attention to incompatible behaviors.

 

Let’s say you want to stop grumbling and complaining. That’s a worthy goal for a year lived well! You can resolve to not complain. You can write notes to yourself to prompt you to be more positive. You can wear a rubber band on your wrist and give it a painful snap whenever you catch yourself grumbling. But I guarantee you will be pushing a very heavy stone uphill all year, only to have it come crashing back down on you.

 

Instead of vowing to stop complaining, choose to replace it with something that is incompatible with grumbling. GIVE THANKS. As long as you are cultivating a thankful heart, your grumbling withers away.

 

Consider the story of a young mother whose young daughter loved to wear frilly things decorated with sequins. Every day the little girl would play all around the house in her sequined clothes. And everywhere the girl romped, sequins would leave a messy trail. Every day the young mother would have to stop what she was doing in order to pick up yet another lost sequin. “Why can’t she be more careful when she plays?” grumbled the frustrated mother. Then while picking up another sequin, she realized how thankful she was to have a delightful and happy girl. At once, she resolved that every time she picked up a sequin, she would give thanks to God for the gift of her precious little girl.

 

See how it works? Replace grumbling and complaining with an incompatible behavior: giving thanks. Instead of grumbling about that person who always rubs you the wrong way, you can thank God that they help to knock off your own rough edges. Instead of complaining about the weather, the economy, or the way you look, think instead of what you are thankful for and let your speech and behavior reflect that.

 

How important is this? Consider this. For thousands of years God’s people grumbled and complained. They were never happy. They rebelled against God and sought after other false gods. I wonder if God was even more upset at their grumbling than their sinful deeds. A complaining heart is an ugly thing.

 

Let your story of 2015 be one of giving thanks, not grumbling and complaining!

 

“He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me.”  Psalm 50:23

 

“Through Him, therefore, let us constantly and at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, which is the fruit of lips that thankfully acknowledge and confess and glorify His name.”  Hebrews 13:15