Tag Archives: Let go let God

A Time to Rest – Bryan’s medical update

The doctor appointment on Tuesday went quite sideways to expectation. It’s a bit like a “perfect storm” where we came to the top of the wave thinking we might just make it over the crest, only to have our hopes dashed by yet another crushing wave. Such has been this long journey through cancer.

The bottom line is, because fusarium never actually goes away completely, it rules out the possibility of a second transplant, my only small medical hope for a potential cure. In light of my recent test results the prospects of using hypomethylating agents (“soft chemo”) to hold the leukemia at bay makes the doctor “terrified” for the potential “disastrous” effects it could have on my health. In my complex situation, with two terminal illnesses, there is only a slim chance the treatment would give us a little more time and a very large probability that they could actually shorten life because it would present an environment that is more susceptible to infections, including the existing fusarium which continues to persist after nearly 7 months. Each treatment yields ever diminishing prospects and ever-increasing risks. In light of this, the doctor suggests that we might consider enjoying the time that remains, without treatment. Having discussed this and prayed overnight and into today, we are at peace with this.

imageWe’re not giving up. We’re leaving it up to God.

We have persistently and repeatedly pushed against doors that would not budge. We’ve both endured the devastating effects that 3 1/2 years of “treatment” have wreaked on my body. Together we both have fought the good fight and run the hard race. Now, it seems to us, a time to rest and let God do what is best in the grand scheme of things. It’s been in his hands from the beginning and we’ve endeavored to honor him each step of the way, asking only for his perfect will to be done.

We have no real definitive timeline. It could be “weeks or months”. Or, God could still work a miracle. Thanks to those of you who have been praying and fasting to this effect.

Our intent is, as it has been all along, to celebrate the life God has given us, thankful for so very many blessings, and to live with the great purpose to which he has called us. Death is not defeat. For us, death is a graduation from this phase of life to the one in heaven that lasts forever in peace.

We intend to continue to live life fully with purpose and passion. We encourage you to do the same. Trust God. Ask for his very Spirit to teach, guide, comfort, and strengthen you, to follow Jesus daily. After all is accomplished and all is experienced, all that remains and all that counts, is faith, expressing itself through love. (Galatians 5:6)

Know how very much we appreciate your ongoing prayers and support. They are a treasure to us.
Love,
Bryan and Marcia

 

Stop holding on and just be held

 

One of the misunderstandings of the Christian life is that we are always strong. We say, “In Christ I can do all things” as if it means we can jump tall buildings and stop speeding locomotives at our whim. Really, it speaks about learning the secret of being content and practicing the discipline of endurance. The heart of its message is depending on and being fully satisfied with God. When we are weak we need to hold on to God because he is our only real strength, the one who is faithful to us through all circumstances, however unbearable they seem.

 

But the premise is that we have enough strength to even hold on. If we could always hold on until things got better, would we need a great God to help us? In fact, many of you know by experience, there are times when you have no strength even to hold on. Life beats you up to the point you feel like you’re at the end of your rope and you are so weak, you can’t even hold on to the rope. You feel your faith is not enough and you want to give up, and let go. I’ve been there myself many times.

 

The good news is it’s not up to us to cling to God in our own strength. In fact, his strength is made perfect in our weakness. It’s his Spirit who empowers us (Acts 1:8) when we cooperate with him. It’s not all up to your effort. Instead of always holding on, there are sometimes you just need to let go and be held in his arms. Jesus says, “Come to me all of you who are tired and I will give you rest.”

 

Sometimes we’re called to be strong. But when you aren’t, stop holding on and just be held by your mighty and ever loving Father – the one who knows you, who sees you where you are, and longs to draw you close to him.  Let go and let yourself be held in his loving arms. Let him show you “your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place,” as you let him hold onto you.

 

Reflect on the lyrics of “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns:

Hold it all together, everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There’s freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held
Just be held

If your eyes are on the storm you’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross you’ll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held
Just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you’ll find Me
And where you are, I’ll hold your heart
I’ll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won’t let go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held (stop holding on)
Just be held
Just be held

 

 

Let go – let God

 

 

A comedian once observed that “home is where you keep your stuff while you go and buy more stuff.” It’s a plague that affects not just the rich and famous; we all have too much stuff. Stuff crowds our lives and causes us to ask if we possess things or if they possess us.

 

Have you ever gone through your belongings and asked yourself, “Why have I held on to this for so long?”  Sometimes, we are reluctant to let go of the stuff that surrounds us. Like the monkey in it’s self-imposed trap, we cling to stuff we want only to find that it is the thing that possesses us. If you’ve ever thought, “I could never bear to part with ‘that'”, you know what I mean.

 

Sometimes it’s not things we cling to but relationships, feelings, and habits that have governed our past. We’re warned to “not let a bitter root grow up to cause trouble.” (Hebrews 12:15) But sometimes we cling to that bitterness, resentment, fear or other crippling emotion. Sometimes when things go wrong in our life, we clench our fists, desperately trying to hold onto things and control them. . . sometimes even things that hurt us and prevent us from experiencing peace and joy.

 

When you find your fists clenched (really or figuratively) it’s a good time to open your hands before God. We can only hold onto so much at one time. Let go of that which keeps you from experiencing God’s best for you. Let God replace it with His peace and contented joy.

 

An exercise you might find helpful when you pray is to hold your hands before you, palms down as you confess anything you are grasping that you need to let go in order to hold onto God’s peace.   Turn your hands palms up and feel your hands relax as you release your belongings and relationships and let God fill you with the grace and joy He freely offers you.

 

The position of our hands often determines the nature of our heart. Clenched hands seldom hold things of value. Open hands release that which is not really ours and frees us to receive all that God desires to put in them. Open hands are also free to hold onto God’s own hand as He seeks to reach out to us and lead us.

 

“I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13

 

 

A Time To Run – A Time To Be Still

We just realized that I’ve completed my first “Leukemia Marathon” here at Mercy Hospital, over 26.2 miles. And it only took me 30 days to finish the job, one very slow quarter-mile at a time! 🙂

The second round of chemo is more exhausting than the first, I suppose because my body didn’t have opportunity to really bounce back before getting knocked down again. Some days are made for resting, not ‘running.’

Knowing how tired I’ve been getting, one of my dear nurses gave me a huge mug with just the message I needed for today:

Be still and know that I am God. – Psalm 46:10

This has long been one of my favorite verses and one of great encouragement. It reminds me that God is more than enough when I stop striving and just be still before Him. Resting does not come easy to me, in fact it often fights against my nature. But God’s solution for us often does go against our nature.

Don’t we all have areas of our lives where we just need to be still before God?