Tag Archives: marriage

“I Still Do!”

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Valentine’s Day 2015

Forty two years, seven months, and 21 days ago, I spoke two words to a beautiful woman. Thankfully, she repeated them back to me. Though not an eloquent speech, these two simple words would shape the rest of our life together:

 

“I do.”

 

It was a great day. We both remember our faces hurting later from smiling so much. Within hours we were whisked away to a paradise flight that started our journey together. We had no idea where such journeys would take us through life: magnificent islands, stunning fjords, majestic mountains, amazing beaches, the rugged outback, active volcanoes, countless forests and meadows, and also the poorest of neighborhoods in devastated cities.

 

When we said “I do” to each other, we were also pronouncing these words to our future children and grandchildren. It remains a promise that love and faithfulness are for real. While we’ve desired to give ‘more’ to our children, the promise of “I do” was the gift that mom and dad were committed to each other and to them, always.

 

“I do” is as much a promise of commitment as it is a profession of love. The harsh reality is that we don’t always feel like loving and we aren’t always so lovable. Feelings wax and wane more than the moon. “I do” is not lived out perfectly in our marriage, our friendships, or our relationship with God. But faithfulness perseveres. In good times and troubled ones, faithfulness consistently speaks three words:

 

“I still do!”

 

“I do” signs the mortgage. “I still do” writes the checks.

“I still do” gets up when “I do” falls down.

“I do” gets tired. “I still do” presses on.

“I still do” speaks determination when “I do” doubts.

“I do” looks for good. “I still do” seeks the best.

“I still do” is a legacy commitment that looks beyond today.

“I still do” lights a candle wherever darkness falls.

 

“I still do” is the bedrock of God’s design for marriage. It brings us through the terrible twos and the troubled teens. It conquers where cancer corrupts. “I still do” fulfills when “I do falters.” God’s story consistently speaks, “I still do” to His people even when they are unfaithful. He’s saying it to you and me right now. He presents Jesus as our bridegroom and the church of true believers as the bride. When we say, “I believe” to God, we are really saying, “I will keep on believing” – “I still do”.

 

“I still do” is the daily payment on the promise note of “I do.” It is the test of truthfulness of the heart. “I still do” takes us from fairy tales to ‘for real’ ones. When “I do” fails, “I still do” becomes the promise of repentance, renewal, and restoration.

 

On this Valentine’s Day and always I’m saying, “I still do” to my bride. Let’s each of us as the bride of Christ say the same: “I still do.”

And then watch the love grow!

 

 

Keeping the relationship young and strong

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An older married couple had fallen into a rut of ignoring each other and taking one another for granted. So they went to a counselor who recommended they say sweet things to each other. “Like what?” the husband asked. “Well,” replied the counselor, “when you are at the dinner table you could say, “Would you please pass the sugar, Sugar?” Or “Pass the honey, Honey.” The husband thought he’d try this the next day. So at the table, he asked his wife, “Would you pass the tea, Bag?” (Oh my, he didn’t get it, did he?!)

How do you keep a relationship both vibrantly young and growing in maturity? My bride and I have only been married (almost) 42 years, so we are still growing in this area. 🙂 Trust, me, we have made our share of mistakes along the way. But we have also committed ourselves to investing in our relationship. Here are some thoughts on building a strong relationship.

Commitment eliminates fear and anxiety.

Hold hands while walking. Gentle affection meant for you also inspires others.

Weekly dates.* It might be a walk, or a trip to McDs for a $1 cone. Or even a tour of the Menard’s lumber store. Also spend some time knee-to-knee, face-to-face, reminding each other how glad you are that they said, “I do.” Remind each other, “I still do!”

Monthly get aways.* Marcia really likes road trips. They don’t have to have a particular destination, just the opportunity to enjoy each other’s company and enjoy God’s creation on the back roads. Once in awhile, go to a restaurant where you have to look DOWN at the menu, not UP. Talk about your dreams and aspirations.

Yearly memory makers.* I really enjoy our peaceful acreage that speaks peace to both of us. But we have found that getting away to make some memories is important. Ours aren’t often exotic or expensive. But they always provide an opportunity to enjoy each other away from the daily chores at home. We always take a reflective view of our married years on our anniversary, recalling favorite people, events, and places.

Be honest with each other. We have always had this ‘rule’ since when we were first friends: never complain about your spouse to others. The bible instructs us that if we have problems with each other, go to THAT person, not others. It makes for a lot more respectful and honoring relationship. Don’t you agree?

Admit when you are wrong. And even if you aren’t wrong, practice saying, “You might be right,” instead of arguing some needless and trivial point that really doesn’t matter.

Read the bible together and pray together. Make God the center of your marriage.

These are just some ways we try to keep our relationship alive and focused on our values. Maybe you have suggestions you’d like to share. We’d love to hear them.

* (Thanks to Robert Lewis for these 3 suggestions.)

Meet Thuong

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Like many of the relationships God is building here at the hospital, we met Thoung on one of our daily walks. With her permission, let us tell you about this remarkable young lady. (I say young lady because she reminds us she could be our daughter! 🙂

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Here, Thuong is pictured with her new friend, Marcia. Here at the hospital, it seems I live in an, “Everyone Loves Marcia” world… Sometime I am sort of the “side kick with cancer.” Which is quite understandable because she is after all, so utterly amazing. 🙂

Our relationship with Thuong began with smiles in the hallway and thanking her for the important job she has delivering supplies to all the rooms. This simple gesture has resulted in numerous visits with Thuong. Through these we learned how she escaped communist Vietnam as a teenager, how she met her husband in a refugee camp in the Philippines, how she has grown into adulthood in the United States. We have learned about her family and she about ours. As we begin to share our faith, she kindly tells us that she is Buddhist. And so on this basis, we begin our friendship.

Thuong has actually been ministering to us this past week, bringing us two delicious home-cooked Vietnamese meals to our room. (I have been so touched and humbled by hospitality of others. It spurs me on to be more intently sensitive to others.) When she came back to our room today after her shift ended, we learned more about this incredibly brave woman who speaks of leaving destructive country specific customs and forging NEW relationship patterns. (It is interesting to hear this gentle Buddhist lady speaking of such basic Christian truth, that we are not bound to our past, that new beginnings, in Christ, are available to us now.) We talked about God’s plan for the sanctity of marriage, calling on the Ephesians 5 passage about the Love and Respect husband and wife need to demonstrate to each other.

Without this “extra month” in the hospital we may have not had the opportunity to discover this chapter in our relationship with Thuong. We are very happy to get to know this remarkably kind, generous, brave, and compassionate woman, and look forward to many more visits. I wish the picture conveyed the brilliance of her warm smile.

Postscript: I am old enough to have lived through a number of Evangelistic campaigns and methods. Sadly, many of these seemed to be more concerned with befriending people with the primary purpose to convert them, but not to really love them. If you are a nonChristian reading this, I am guessing you may know what I mean. Yes, believing Christians are motivated by the great commission call to make disciples, baptize, and teach everything Jesus has taught us…and to do so with urgency, because we are not guaranteed another day on this earth. We believe that the choices and relationships we make effect eternity. But. . .

. . . over the years, it has seemed to me that we should let the love us Jesus shine in and through our lives, and let HIM touch others through us. Some relationships will last for a season or for a lifetime. Others will last for all eternity. It is Jesus who changes others, not us. We simply are called to love Him and love others in His name.

I’ll close with a quote from an Anglican bishop who decades ago wrote a personal letter to me advising:

“Let us remember to hold hands
as we climb the mountain of God together.”