Tag Archives: no complaining

Another rock in my shoe – complaining

Complaining and grumbling. We probably all fall into this trap at some point or another. Sometimes complaining and grumbling about things we can’t change becomes an habitual pastime. Complainer becomes our name. We complain and fuss over things that have little real importance yet irritate us in some small way. Constant complaining about things is like purposefully putting rocks in your shoe before a long hike.   If complaining is a rock in your shoe I hope you’ll read the blog post below (reprinted from 7/29/2014) and take the 24 hour “no complaining” challenge.

I’m guessing that at some point in your life you have attended a whine party, maybe even threw one yourself. No, not ‘wine’ but ‘whine’. You know what it is like: someone complains about something and then someone else ups the ante with an even bigger complaint. And so the conversation slides quickly downhill, dragging everyone with it.

Complaining seems to be a national pastime. It’s easy to fall into the trap, isn’t it? When we get wrapped up in our own world of hurts and misfortunes all we see is ourselves.  I comment about my arm always hurting. My wife reminds me to be thankful because some people don’t have arms. Adding sarcasm to my whining, I think to myself, “Yeah, well they probably don’t hurt then, do they?”  See how easy it is? (sigh)

Paul warns us about grumbling and complaining in Philippians 2 where he encourages us to take our eyes off ourselves and seek the mindset of Jesus, the One:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death  –   even death on a cross!” Philippians 2:6-8

And so, Paul continues, we should:  “Do everything without grumbling or arguing…” (v 14). Why? So we can:

  • Be blameless and pure, behaving as children of God. 
  • Stand out from a warped and crooked generation.
  • Shine our light among others like the stars of the sky.
  • Hold firmly to the truth of the Word.
  • Live life with purpose and passion, not in vain, even if our life is one of continual sacrifice and faith, ‘poured out like a drink offering.’

How can we live pure lives by constant complaining? How can we behave like children of the king, privileged in so many ways and still be whiners? How can we live our life set apart from a crooked generation when we complain about things just as they do? Does grumbling make our light shine brighter? Does complaining help us to hold onto the truth?  No, it works against us! Complaining begets more complaining and a dissatisfaction with our plot in this temporary and short life. It destroys a thankful heart.

My wife is absolutely right: the cure to complaining is being thankful and learning the secret of being content. (Philippians 4:11-12) We stop complaining when we start being thankful and practice contentment. You’ve heard the saying, “I complained I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” Let’s declare a ban on personal complaining for at least 24 hours, and then renew the pledge the next day, and the next. See how your life changes and how your light shines brighter, when we refrain from grumbling and complaining when things don’t go our way.

Living without complaint – Can you do it?

 

For years, I’ve had a note to myself that reads, “What goals can I pursue, that impacts the world in such a great way, that even if I failed would mean success?” Ending hunger came to mind. Even if we didn’t succeed in ending world hunger, ending it for someone would be success, right?

 

On a much simpler scale, consider “Stop Complaining.” Complaining is not “world hunger” but it is a drain our our emotional happiness, our relationships, and our productivity. And it’s COMPLETELY within our own power! So what if we simply vowed to stop complaining? Would it be possible? Imagine what your life would be like if you could cut out complaining? Would you become more aware of your relationships with others and your purpose for living? Would you experience more happiness and peace? Would your positive behavior encourage others to complain less?

 

You already know it’s hard to put the brakes on long-lived habits so you might even question if it’s possible to “give up” complaining. But what if we committed to this anyway, recognizing that every bit of complaining we avoid contributes to a more satisfying and happier life!

 

Jessica Hullinger wrote an article about people who signed up for the Complaint Restraint Project with the goal of living more positive lives not weighed down by negativity. Physicians tell us that grumbling is costly. When we exhibit negative and unproductive behaviors like complaining or getting angry, our brain emits stress hormones that harm the brain in small but potentially cumulatively damaging ways. This happens even when we listen to others complain. “It’s as bad as secondhand smoke,” says Jon Gordon, author of The No Complaining Rule. “It’s secondhand complaining.”  Even when we think it feels good to vent, it drags us down; it never builds us up. So how do we stop complaining, or at least reduce the impact of Negative Nancy in our lives? Hullinger has some helpful tips:

 

1. START BY DEFINING WHAT A COMPLAINT IS
If it’s a fact and you have no emotion attached to it, maybe it’s an observation. But if it negatively affects the way you feel, if your insides churn or your muscles tense up, maybe it’s really a complaint.

2. TRACK HOW OFTEN YOU COMPLAIN AND WHAT ABOUT
Change starts with awareness. Keep track of your complaining comments. The numbers may astound you at first and give you more incentive to end this negative behavior.

3. SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM CHRONIC COMPLAINERS
If you have to be part of a complaining conversation, try to add something positive. Commit yourself to positive conversation – with others and with yourself.

4. TURN COMPLAINTS INTO SOLUTIONS
Look for and focus on solutions. “Don’t sit around and admire the problem.” Do something about it!

5. USE THE “BUT-POSITIVE” TECHNIQUE
If you find yourself complaining, add “But…” and say something positive. (“My legs hurt but I’m thankful I have legs.”) Yes, it seems awkward at first, but it will become part of your natural response over time.

6. CHANGE “HAVE TO” TO “GET TO”
Change your complaint to thankfulness. Saying, “I get to” instead of “I have to” nurtures our thankful hearts. (“I have to pick up the kids” becomes “I get to pick up the kids.”)

 

Maybe you won’t stop all complaining in your life. But every bit of complaining you avoid will make your life happier, and probably others’ too. So are you in? How about committing to stop complaining for one month? If you slip up, move on. Try again. It’s not about the power of positive thinking. It’s about the power of positive living. Living thankfully and celebrate the life you have.