Tag Archives: Not have to but get to

Living without complaint – Can you do it?

 

For years, I’ve had a note to myself that reads, “What goals can I pursue, that impacts the world in such a great way, that even if I failed would mean success?” Ending hunger came to mind. Even if we didn’t succeed in ending world hunger, ending it for someone would be success, right?

 

On a much simpler scale, consider “Stop Complaining.” Complaining is not “world hunger” but it is a drain our our emotional happiness, our relationships, and our productivity. And it’s COMPLETELY within our own power! So what if we simply vowed to stop complaining? Would it be possible? Imagine what your life would be like if you could cut out complaining? Would you become more aware of your relationships with others and your purpose for living? Would you experience more happiness and peace? Would your positive behavior encourage others to complain less?

 

You already know it’s hard to put the brakes on long-lived habits so you might even question if it’s possible to “give up” complaining. But what if we committed to this anyway, recognizing that every bit of complaining we avoid contributes to a more satisfying and happier life!

 

Jessica Hullinger wrote an article about people who signed up for the Complaint Restraint Project with the goal of living more positive lives not weighed down by negativity. Physicians tell us that grumbling is costly. When we exhibit negative and unproductive behaviors like complaining or getting angry, our brain emits stress hormones that harm the brain in small but potentially cumulatively damaging ways. This happens even when we listen to others complain. “It’s as bad as secondhand smoke,” says Jon Gordon, author of The No Complaining Rule. “It’s secondhand complaining.”  Even when we think it feels good to vent, it drags us down; it never builds us up. So how do we stop complaining, or at least reduce the impact of Negative Nancy in our lives? Hullinger has some helpful tips:

 

1. START BY DEFINING WHAT A COMPLAINT IS
If it’s a fact and you have no emotion attached to it, maybe it’s an observation. But if it negatively affects the way you feel, if your insides churn or your muscles tense up, maybe it’s really a complaint.

2. TRACK HOW OFTEN YOU COMPLAIN AND WHAT ABOUT
Change starts with awareness. Keep track of your complaining comments. The numbers may astound you at first and give you more incentive to end this negative behavior.

3. SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM CHRONIC COMPLAINERS
If you have to be part of a complaining conversation, try to add something positive. Commit yourself to positive conversation – with others and with yourself.

4. TURN COMPLAINTS INTO SOLUTIONS
Look for and focus on solutions. “Don’t sit around and admire the problem.” Do something about it!

5. USE THE “BUT-POSITIVE” TECHNIQUE
If you find yourself complaining, add “But…” and say something positive. (“My legs hurt but I’m thankful I have legs.”) Yes, it seems awkward at first, but it will become part of your natural response over time.

6. CHANGE “HAVE TO” TO “GET TO”
Change your complaint to thankfulness. Saying, “I get to” instead of “I have to” nurtures our thankful hearts. (“I have to pick up the kids” becomes “I get to pick up the kids.”)

 

Maybe you won’t stop all complaining in your life. But every bit of complaining you avoid will make your life happier, and probably others’ too. So are you in? How about committing to stop complaining for one month? If you slip up, move on. Try again. It’s not about the power of positive thinking. It’s about the power of positive living. Living thankfully and celebrate the life you have.