Tag Archives: Peacemaker

Called to be a peacemaker

 

We are a diverse group of people who inhabit this earth. Even if you were to look at your city or church or employment, we are becoming an increasingly dissimilar people there too. We are diverse in our appreciation of the arts, our food preferences, and the movies we watch. Even things like skin color, education, or degree of sophisticated thinking could be lumped in with this list of superficial yet real layers of diversity. But what makes us incredibly different is the basic tenets of life and faith to which we firmly hold. In these areas we sometimes become at opposites with one another over deeply engrained and staunchly defended beliefs and ways of viewing the world. In these vital, life-view areas we become to each other: hot and cold, wet and dry, black and white, left and right, and sometimes upside down. How in the world are we to live in harmony with one another?

 

One of the inspirational stories to come out in the aftermath of the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was his close friendship with Justice Ruth Ginsburg. With regard to their interpretation of law, they were often polar opposites, the real “odd couple.” But with regard to the bond they felt with each other they were in their own words, “best buddies.” They shared a common love for the constitution but their interpretation of that law was oh so very oppositional. In the context of their completely diverse view of law, their personal friendship was evidently as deep and profound as it was unexpected.

 

Sometimes opposite forces or beliefs are actually quite complementary to each other in nature. Surely, you have observed this in your own life where two people in a relationship, though seemingly opposite actually complement each other well. It is the “unity of opposites” proposed by Heraclitus in the 5th century BC. We see a similar vein of thought in Paul’s personal approach to conflict:

 

“I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel.” (1 Corinthians 9:22-23)

 

The idea of unity in diversity is found also in Paul’s description of the “body” of Christ, that is the group of followers who are unified in devotion to Christ, yet so diversified in their expression of that devotion! We have different roles and gifts, different personalities and strategies, but we are called to be unified with a common purpose, to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength. . . Not for the sake of diversity, but for the sake of the gospel.

 

It’s a challenge though, isn’t it? Don’t we often prefer to hang out with like minded people who share our interests, views and approaches? That’s a temptation that allows us to stay in our comfort zones. But learning to live with those who share diverse views is the stuff that makes for an increasingly mature Christian life. Jesus was criticized for spending time with outcasts and sinners. Yet it was to these he was called. In Mark 2:17 he is recorded to,say, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

 

How about you and me? If I were to stand only with those who agreed with everything I believed, I might find myself standing alone! For sure, we will encounter difference in views, even among believers. Sometimes you find yourself deeply loving someone…except for the times you want to strangle them! But we persevere with each other even as Jesus commanded us to love our enemies and pray for those in authority (even if we disagree with them).

 

How do we demonstrate such certain unity in our lives? How do we learn to live in harmony with each other? Perhaps we could start with the humility that recognizes “I don’t have the complete understanding of all things.” As a husband was backing the car out of the drive his wife next to him kept repeating, “I can see the mailbox.” He replied, “Yes, I see it too….” until he ran over the mailbox. As we learn to listen to the perspective of others we increase our own perspective of things. As Justice Ginsburg reflected on a case where she and Scalia disagreed she acknowledged that while his views “ruined my weekend, they improved the product.” We must be willing to listen to those who disagree with us if we truly want the best solution.

 

And even when you have convinced yourself you absolutely know that you are right about a specific matter, the more important relationship is strengthened when we recognize the right of the other person to hold a contrary position. We learn to be agreeable in our disagreements. It’s called respect.

 

Be the peacemaker God wants you to be, especially among other believers. Be willing to embrace others even if you don’t embrace their beliefs. Pursue unity even when unanimity is not possible.

 

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” Romans 12:18

 

The danger of ‘the last word’

 

Have you ever won an argument only to found out that you really lost more than you gained?

 

Having “the last word” of an argument isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact it might be just the first word of the next argument!  There might be a momentary feeling of satisfaction in winning the argument but it’s both a fleeting and empty gain if someone else had to be disrespected in the process. Think for a moment. If you win the argument but lose the respect, trust, and affection of the other person was it worth the ‘win’?

 

Even temporary relationships like the encounters you have while shopping and traveling have a bigger impact than we might think. I remember being in a restaurant when someone ripped into a waitress because the coffee was not hot enough. Is it not enough to stand your ground when requesting good service without having to resort to belittling or deriding another human being? (I’ve read that the ‘Sunday lunch crowd’ is regarded as one of the worst in this regard by restaurant workers…a point for somber reflection.)

 

Relationships aren’t meant to be battle grounds. Especially when we argue about such petty things, how a decision is made might be as or more important than the actual decision. The last one standing is not the victor. In fact, if someone has to lose in order for the other to win, the best part of the relationship may be lost. Great relationships are best characterized by cooperative and synergistic efforts that build each other up. And we don’t build something up by tearing it down. You can’t protect, preserve, defend, support, sustain or shield with words and actions that attack, offend, belittle, or disparage the other person.

 

Here’s the challenge. The next time you find yourself at odds with someone else, consider what is really important. Ask yourself how ‘winning’ this argument will affect the rest of your relationship with this person and future decisions. In our attempt to be understood, let’s make sure we are first attempting to understand what is important to the other person. We can do this by being people of peace who build up others, not tear them down. After all, don’t we so very much appreciate grace and forgiveness when it is extended to us that we should also be eager to extend it to others?

 

There is a line from a gentle Christmas song that would guide us well all year long in our relationships and especially or ‘arguments’:

 

Let there be peace on earth  –  and let it begin with me.

 

Make sure your ‘last word’ can live with all the words that follow.

 

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”  Romans 12:18

 

 

The Christmas gift of peace

 

 

And he will be called “The Prince of Peace.”

Isaiah 9:6

 

I love Christmas Eve. I love it when work stops, the presents are wrapped, preparations are completed, and the hectic pace of the holiday part of Christmas slows down. And for a moment, there is peace.

 

Silent night, holy night, All is calm, all is bright.

 

Jesus is the Prince of Peace. We know that He came to the world to bring us peace, a peace that transcends all understanding. He offers a peace that is different from what the world offers, a peace that overcomes our troubles. It’s the calm that remains in us even when the storm rages around us. It’s the confidence that our circumstances don’t define who we are. It isn’t the false peace of this world but a real peace that permeates our life and overflows onto others around us.

 

Jesus brings us peace so that we can bring peace to others. He calls us to be peacemakers in a world of warring relationships.

 

Sometimes Christmas gatherings are anything but peaceful. Too often they are marked by the busyness of preparations, the chaos of excitement or sadly, the bitterness of conflict. How can we be peacemakers in these and other situations?

 

Exhibit humility and gentleness. (Ephesians 4:2)

 

Put others first (Philippians 2:3-4). This sometimes means overlooking when others are inconsiderate to us.

 

Be patient and wise. (Proverbs 19:11) Strive to maintain relationships more than differences of opinion.

 

Avoid unnecessary quarrels. (Proverbs 17:14) Learn to appreciate others who think differently from you. It’s not your job to change everyone to think just like you. Our job is to shine a helping light, not to blind them with our insisting ways. It’s God’s job to change people.

 

Let love be your guide. (1 Peter 4:8) Love covers a multitude of sins.

 

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32).

 

Don’t let annoyances and conflicts ruin your Christmas. Receive the Christmas gift of peace that the Prince of Peace offers you and BE the gift of peace to others.

 

 

Don’t Drop Your Weapons

No right-minded soldier would drop their weapons in the middle of heated conflict. Neither should we in our pursuit of peace. It may sound strange to speak of weapons and peace together, but that is how it is described by Ken Sande, author of Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict.

Everyone encounters conflict in their life. Some of it is good to get differences of opinion and facts out in the open. However much of the time conflict becomes a destructive process because the wrong ‘weapons’ are used, like defensiveness, anger, self-justification, and gossip. Sande reminds us that scriptural ‘weapons’ are actually effective in real life. These include: scripture, prayer, truth, righteous (Ephesians 6:10-18), and the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). (Galatians 5:22-23)

These are the tools that help us pursue peace and conflict resolution. They help us to seek first to understand and then to be understood. They elevate the other person’s interest while making your principles and interest clear. They help us approach others with respect. Held firmly, not meekly, scriptural weapons defuse anger, resentment, jealousy, disrespect, and other emotions that incite further conflict and derail the resolution process. They are the same weapons Jesus used to defeat satan. We are well counseled to use them also.

What conflict are you facing? Take time to reflect on Romans 12:14-21 and become skilled at using the ‘weapons’ of peace so you can stand your ground as a peacemaker.

The Four Promises of Forgiveness

In his book, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Conflict, Ken Sande shares four promises essential to forgiveness:

“I will not dwell on this incident.”
“I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
“I will not talk to others about this incident.”
“I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”

Making – and keeping – these promises removes the barriers that create and maintain conflict in a relationship. They bring you and the other person closer whereas not forgiving drives you apart. Remembering that these are the same promises God makes when forgiving us should serve as motivation for us to be faithful in keeping these promises with others.

Have you tried to keep these promises and not succeeded? Maybe you are trying to forgive in your own power. The best reconciliation efforts are those surrendered to God. Take your struggles to him and let him guide and equip you to be a peacemaker in your relationships today.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Peacemakers are teachable and moldable

Years ago, iconic former speaker of the house, Sam Rayburn, made an astute observation (paraphrased): “(Anyone) can kick over a barn door. It takes a carpenter to build one.”

What truth that offers for us today. Anyone can rail against something or someone, ridicule them, and point out every negative aspect of another position. But it takes a peacemaker, a skilled craftsman, to build something positive and lasting. I don’t know if Rayburn considered the double entendre of his use of the word carpenter. Jesus, of course, grew up as a skilled carpenter. And he is still crafting and sculpting his followers with his creative and purposeful skills. In fact, he gave us his own Spirit to live in us to guide us, convict us, comfort us, and intercede for us.

The question is, are we willing participants in this process? Or are we resistive materials in his hands? Do we tend to, like wayward and stubborn sheep, go our own way or do we listen to and follow our master’s voice? The bible describes us like clay in the potters hand. Are we moldable and able to be shaped according to his purpose, or do we have our ambitions set on being a certain type of vessel, quite apart from his design?

The many versions of the Christian prayer attributed to 13th century Saint Francis of Assisi speak to this. Some versions mention being an instrument of God’s peace; others a vessel:

“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is error, the truth;
Where there is doubt, the faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”

Being an instrument or vessel that conveys God’s peace requires the surrender of our lesser ambitions and desires for God’s greater will. It requires attuning our mind and heart to his loving voice, and to being an eager disciple of his teaching. And in doing so, to let his light actively shine into the lives of others. Choose today to be a vessel of God’s peace and truth, his unending love and amazing grace. Let the master carpenter mold you into his likeness so you can carry his peace to others.

“As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right.” 1 Samuel 12:23

Are you an obstructionist or a peacemaker?

An obstructionist is one who so steeped in their convictions they methodically cause problems for others who want to accomplish their objectives. There is no negotiation, little if any understanding, but much confrontation. Unlike the cartoon, I don’t think we aspire to become obstructionists, but high levels of frustration lead us to such destructive behaviors instead of pursuing our call to be peacemakers.

We quickly associate obstructionism with the political process. But it easily finds itself in the work environment and personal relationships where what someone is against speaks louder than what they are for. Lines are drawn sometimes arbitrarily in the sand; walls are built. Obstructionist behaviors take the form of discrediting, ridiculing, and dishonest passive aggressive manipulative efforts. Behaviors like the silent treatment, refusal to honestly communicate feelings, gossip, bringing up old issues, ‘compliments’ that feel like back stabbing, and intentional feet dragging also create tension and conflict rather than peaceful and respectful resolution of issues. Honest conflict is difficult enough to resolve, but indirect conflict is insidiously problematic. It creates a shifting darkness that make shining light difficult.

In the classic negotiation example, one will keep the other from getting all the orange. Though they only want the pulp for juice, they haven’t taken time to seek to understand the other’s interest. If they had, they would have discovered the other only wanted the rind to make marmalade. They could have both had EVERYTHING they wanted. Instead they settled for half or less.

The peacemaker realizes that dealing with these destructive behaviors calls for a “critical conversation” approach. Critical conversations are those that need to happen but are difficult, even painful, to conduct. Five points are essential to the success of these conversations and the disarming of covert obstructionism behavior:
1. Identify and keep focus on the behavior, without attacking the person.
2. State how you feel about these behaviors,
3. And why you find them harmful.
4. Ask for affirmation of your interpretation.
5. Communicate your desire to understand and be understood, to find common ground for harmonious resolution.

In doing this, you are not attacking the person or their values. Rather you are communicating a concern for a situation that harms a productive and caring relationship. Though difficult, critical conversations convey mutual value and build a bridge for a stronger relationship and improved outcomes.

God does this for us when he convicts us of our destructive behaviors. Godly peacemaking allows us to maintain our deepest beliefs through a forthright and honest discussion, based on love and respect. It builds any relationship, whether that between a husband and wife, parent and child, employee and employer, coworkers, friends, or positional opponents. The result, when we pursue peace instead is always greater joy, contentment, and purposeful meaning in our lives.

Are you an obstructionist or a peacemaker? Isn’t it time to let God’s light shine through you and give peace a chance?

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9