Tag Archives: Picking up the pieces after surviving cancer

Recovering a sense of control

 

Control. We all want it. It drives our life. We want to control our lives and our future. We want to control our circumstances. If we’re honest, we probably want to control others. God’s word says we should have self-control. It’s one of the fruit we exhibit when we walk in God’s light under the power of His Spirit. Maybe you felt you were making progress in this area, but when a life changing event comes upon you, you find yourself striving to recover a sense of control over your life. Authors Magee and Scalzo consider recovering a sense of control as the second phase in the transition from surviving to thriving*.

 

Esther suffered with aplastic anemia (AA) and required a stem cell transplant that was in one sense a cure, but also caused major upheavals in her life and her family’s. In addition to the physical challenges, they struggled with medical bills and emotions. Like many who face cancer, Esther became proactive in researching the condition and treatments, focusing on and gaining understanding of the daily medical test results. My experience is that this strive to gain some sense of control can both help and hinder the recovery process.  There is the pervasive thought that if you just understand more you will be able to control the situation. Often our circumstances will just not be controlled. But how we deal with them can be.

 

Esther made it her goal to get well. The journey was a rough one filled with disappointments: lost hair, painful mouth and skins sores, GVHD of the digestive system, financial challenges, and emotional roller coasters. But through it she says, “We may have sad days, scary days, disappointing days or feeling unwell days, but never a BAD day.” What? Never a bad day with all that suffering? How is that possible? She answers, “I couldn’t always control my physical condition, but I could control my attitude. Focusing on my priorities put things in perspective and kept me motivated. As I rebuild my life, I realize that my experience changed me. I am more grateful, nicer, more compassionate, and less judgmental. I have less patience for nonsense, complaining and ingratitude. I’m more confident now. I live more fully and authentically, recognizing that life can end at any time. What we make of it is up to us. Some things are worse, but most are different and better. The key was letting go of what I had before so I was open to loving my new life. I had to mourn the loss of the past so I could embrace today. It’s not about pretending but about letting myself be sad for a period of time and then getting over it and moving on.”  She adds that there are some things she can’t do anymore, but for every limit she creates a new alternative to finding joy. “Today, life is good. Not always easy, but good…not only surviving but thriving.”

 

We can’t always control our circumstances. But can take control over negative habits and thoughts that limit our life. We must “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and … take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

 

Ask yourself how you can actively participate in the recovery from whatever limits you. Make assessment of the real risks you face. Define the kind of life you want to live and what does living well look like – even if your circumstances don’t change. Choose to recover the one thing you can control – the way you think and respond to life. Let God help you.

 

* Picking up the Pieces – Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer