Tag Archives: Picking up the pieces

Recovering a sense of meaning

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We’re reflecting on the thoughts of authors Magee and Scalzo who wrote, Picking up the Pieces – Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer. Their premise is that there are four ‘corner pieces’ in transitioning from surviving to thriving and that understanding these helps us to put the rest of the pieces back together.

 

Nicole is a stem cell transplant survivor. Initially she didn’t respond well to chemotherapy; at one point she only weighed 72 pounds. Determined to love stronger and care more, she set her eyes on staying focused and regaining her energy. She says, “I gradually got back to living life! I was doing the things I did before, but with a greater purpose. Staying focused on the future and continuing to plan for tomorrow helped. Getting this far was not easy.” She describes financial struggles that compounded her physical and emotional suffering. “I had to stay focused, take small steps, and not let the struggles get in the way of my progress. Making it through a tough time inspires me to live each day in the moment. I am passionate about volunteering. Being an example of hope for others is what I love about survivorship.”

 

Have you been in that place? Maybe it wasn’t fatigue or cancer, but maybe you’ve come to that same sense of wanting – and needing – lasting meaning in life. Maybe you’ve felt a sense of disconnectedness from others or even from life itself. Maybe you’ve realized that we’re meant to be part of a ‘community’ but you feel like your piece of the puzzle is insignificant. Don’t believe it. God doesn’t make insignificant pieces. Each piece of the puzzle has purpose; none is without meaning.

 

As you reflect on your life, consider what insight you’ve gained from your journey. Try to see your life not only on how it impacts you right now, but how it impacts others. Looking at your life from the perspective of the whole journey, even up until your last breath, will help you find the purpose and meaning you seek. This is especially true if you consider your life as it relates to the grand plan of God.

 

Let your mind leave behind what was lost and even all that surrounds you. Ask yourself what you’ve gained from your life experiences. What parts are making you stronger? Out of the confusion and disappointment of trials God can bring a sense of clarity and vision that was clouded before. Ask Him to reveal greater meaning in your life as you read His Word.

 

Recovering your sense of meaning, or discovering it for the first time, is a vital part of thriving and living the ‘abundant’ life that God designed for you.

 

 

Recovering a sense of self

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It’s not all about you – or me. In one sense becoming a follower of Christ means losing our sense of self. “Out of our selves, into Christ, we must go. His will is to become ours and we are to think His thoughts, to ‘have the mind of Christ’ as the Bible says.” C.S. Lewis

 

And yet our sense of self, even God’s Spirit in ourself, is how we interpret the world and how we relate to God. Your sense of self, either as feeling separated from God or of belonging to Him, probably vacillates throughout your day – and life.  At one moment you see yourself as standing on your own two feet, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and the master of your own destiny. And then something happens to make you realize you are ultimately a child of God dependent on resting in His loving arms. Sudden loss cuts to the core of who we are and may cause us to question ‘who remains’ after surviving a tragic life event. Authors Sherri Magee and Kathy Scalzo describe recovering a sense of self as the first of four phases of transitioning from survival to living well.*

 

Stem cell transplant recipient Kristina says, “Cancer wasn’t supposed to happen to me.” She describes her vibrant life before cancer, living on the edge, “fiercely independent and passionate.” It was who she was ‘B.C.’ – Before Cancer. Determined not to let cancer keep her down, Kristina resolved to focus on recovering the quality of life she desired. Devastating setbacks with GVHD and long periods of fatigue led to isolation, inactivity, and feelings of self-pity.  But she continued her pursuit of recovering her sense of self. “As post-transplant survivors, we have to drag ourselves out of it,” she says. “The initial step of recovery is just to get moving. Whether you do this alone, with a caregiver, or through a program, little steps make a big impact.”

 

She describes her “new normal” as including her mindset, physical changes, how people react to her, and her emotional well being. “While I experienced many changes and realized new things about myself, I was able to get back the part of my life that I loved.” She discovered the path from surviving to thriving.

 

As for me, I’m still in process.  It often feels like I am balancing two lives: the one I have now and the one I had before cancer. How about you? Recovering your sense of who you are, especially who you are in God’s sight, isn’t a process unique to cancer survivors. It’s an essential journey we all face. As you look at the struggles in your own life ask yourself:

In what ways has my sense of self remained constant, and in what ways am I becoming someone new?

What have I gained and what have I lost along the way? (I urge you to focus on what you’ve gained!)

How do I let go of what must be left behind and move on to a better future? (… If not better than where you once were, but better than where now are now.)

 

You don’t have to figure it out today. And you don’t have to figure it out alone. Talk to a trusted friend. Grieve over your loss, but don’t stay there. Talk honestly with God about where you are and who you really are in His sight. There are more pieces of your puzzle yet to discover! Let God who designed your puzzle help you put all the pieces together.

 

* Picking Up the Pieces – Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer

 

 

From Surviving to Thriving

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Two years after my stem cell (bone marrow) transplant, I’m reflecting on how this journey has changed us. I say ‘us’ because if you are tightly connected to family or friends, you know that others share your journey and the caregiver bears a very large portion of the burden. It’s not just a cancer phenomenon. Name your battle, be it the death of a child, divorce, depression, chronic illness, or unresolved grief, few escape the path of suffering and sorrow. And so while I reflect on my journey through AML, feel free to adapt the reflections to your particular challenges.

 

Life altering events often come with no warning. One day everything is fine and suddenly your world is turned upside down. The prognosis of “12 weeks to live” quickly got my attention. There’s no room for denial. The focus was survival. The few options were evaluated and a treatment plan was quickly initiated. One month of chemo became two because the first chemo round didn’t knock out the cancer. Then after achieving remission, the aggressive nature of the cancer required a third round of heavier dose chemo followed by a stem cell transplant. What we didn’t realize is that surviving and enduring the transplant was to be a much tougher and longer battle than beating the cancer.

 

You know the fight to survive is not won by all.  But if you do find that you’ve survived whatever overwhelming ordeal you might ask if you will ever learn to thrive again.

 

Authors Sherri Magee and Kathy Scalzo describe four phases of transitioning from survival to living well*:

1. Recovering a sense of self
2. Recovering a sense of control
3. Recovering a sense of meaning
4. Recovering a sense of the future

 

The authors liken these as four ‘corner pieces’ of the recovery jigsaw puzzle. Understanding these helps us figure out how the other parts of recovery fit together to make us whole again. If you’ve gone through the valley of surviving a sudden life change you might be wondering, “Is there anything beyond mere survival?” The answer is ‘Yes.’ God intends for us not only to survive but to thrive, that is to live an abundant life. This doesn’t look the same for everyone. Getting “back to normal” may be an unrealistic goal, but there is a ‘new normal’ to be discovered. You may be creating a new picture, different from the one you thought you were putting together. And along the way you find that others hold some of the pieces to your puzzle and you hold some of the pieces to theirs.

 

It’s not an easy process, but it’s possible and it’s worth it. “My experience broke me down,” says transplant recipient Kristina. “But it also built me back up.” Perhaps it will help to spend time reflecting on the four ‘corner pieces’ of your own puzzle. As you do, remember that God isn’t ‘one of the pieces.’ He is the puzzle designer. Give Him all your broken pieces and let Him help you put them back together as you transition from surviving to thriving.

 
Tomorrow: The recovery of self
 
* “Picking Up the Pieces: Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer”