One of the joys of the Thanksgiving holidays is giving thanks for great friends. Actually ANYtime is a good time to give thanks for friends and to remind them how much you value them. (Admit it, we all like to be reminded we are valued don’t we?)

 

As I think about friends I think about people who are friendly toward one another, courteous and interested to some degree. Other friends are people we do things with. I’m wired to be a doer so I like helping friends with projects and so appreciate when they help me with projects. I’ve always said two people can do the work of three just because they’re an encouragement to each other. Working by yourself for too long can be discouraging and slows everything down.  Probably, you have friends that you regularly hang out with, celebrating  the joys of life.

 

But what about really close friends? Friends like David and Jonathan who were totally invested in each other and would give up their lives for each other. That’s a rarity and I suspect you are well privileged if you have just one of these. They may be close or far away. We are thankful to have a rare lifetime friendship that is separated by thousands of miles but always picks up where we left off.

 

The thing about friendships is they are a two way street. What we put into it is what we receive. What we want in a friend we have to be willing to display in our own behaviors.

Want respect? Show respect even when you think they are wrong. Everyone has the right to their own opinion. I don’t understand friendships that are based on thinking exactly alike. We are made differently so we should come to appreciate each other’s differences especially those wired by God – even though they bug us. Marcia has come to appreciate my being wired as a planner/strategist and I have come to appreciate her insight when planning is not the solution we need but trusting is.

Seeking devotion? Ask what level of devotion am I willing to invest? Commitment to stay with each other through the tough times is a hallmark of great friends.

Listening. Most friends like to talk…about anything. But the key is in listening with interest because their thoughts and feelings matter to you. Dale Carnegie was asked how he became a great conversationalist. He said the key is being a good listener.

One of the tough parts about being a friend is being able to speak truth with grace. Too much truth is harsh and grace without truth makes the relationship shallow. If I can’t be honest with a friend in a way that expresses kindness and concern what kind of a friend am I?

 

Have you ever considered a vitamin might be the best approach to developing friends? Try Vitamin B 1.  The best way to find friends is to be one. As I look at the list above I recognize I have some work to do in becoming the kind of friend I want to have. How about you? Friendships that are too lopsided tend to fall away.

 

As you give thanks and count your blessings, remember the friends who enrich your life and whose Iives are likewise transformed by yours.