Generally races are meant to be run fast, to be the first one to finish and win the prize. Four months after my stem cell transplant and eight months into this journey with Leukemia, I am still a novice at this marathon. But I know this: there is no fast about it. In fact, sometimes walking across the room before sitting down again makes it hardly seem like a race at all. But it is a long-range marathon of perseverance.
The last two months has been marked by loss of appetite, weight loss, and stomach distress. The docs don’t know what is causing it. Our theory is that the treatments killed all the good and bad bacteria in my GI system. Docs say it could take a year or two to build that up again (really?!) and that probiotics are out of the question because of their link to death in post transplant patients. Apart from the very occasional bouts that double me over, most of it doesn’t seem like it should be a big deal compared to the score of other symptoms Leukemia patients, including myself, face.
But have you ever noticed in your own life how some pain, though not as intense as others you have faced none the less carries a similarly heavy weight? Whether it is a relational tension, a financial burden, or a physical pain, there is something about the cumulative effect of an ongoing pain. That’s where it becomes a marathon of perseverance.
What gets you through those difficult times, when it is months, years, maybe decades or a lifetime of waiting for resolution? Though I have sometimes been known for my tenacity, in this situation, I have found there is no simple “gritting your teeth and bearing it” because it completely wears you down. (My accomplishment for this whole day was to change a light bulb today…with Marcia’s help… and that is more than I’ve done in a week.) There are times you think you can bear no more. It has only been God’s enduring response to enduring faith that is a suitable answer to Leukemia. Faith is grown day by day, sometimes moment by moment, by believing God’s Word and finding it to be true and applicable in every aspect of your life. It is finding real hope to be not a wish, but a reality not yet revealed.
Got faith? We need it to persevere the marathon race when trials come our way. The time for building faith and believing God’s promises is now.
“…because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:3-4
Those are the times I try to remember my favorite quotes from Footprints in the Sand, “It was then that I carried you.” Sometimes that is the only thing you can do. Give it over to God and let him carry you. Keep up the fight! Love, Light, & Prayers ~ Trish
Thanks Trish. I was reading the blog of another transplant patient who is further down the road than me. She looks back at when she was in my phase, thinking “those were the good old days.” But then it got better. This is definitely a long haul that can only be lived one day at a time. Last night it was one minute or moment at a time all throughout the night. Jesus has to carry me through some of this and I am so thankful He does!
Woke up in the middle of the night last night with The Lord prompting me to pray for you. So sorry for what you are going through. Two contemporary Christian songs keep running through my head: Not For A Moment by Meredith Andrews & Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns. Continuing to lift you up, Susan Ottsen
I hope you can persevere and the pain is eased very soon. As always, your family and you are in my thoughts and prayers every day. With Love, Emily