If you hear I died of Leukemia or fusariosis, don’t believe it. It was death by insurance.

We came back early and empty handed from our second Mayo Clinic. No tests, no doctor consultations, nothing.  The insurance company completely reversed the decision yesterday to authorize a hosts of consultations and tests at Mayo, leaving us back at square one to start over with new referrals. It’s a matter of the left hand not knowing or agreeing with what the right hand is doing. Meanwhile the lab tests indicate the cancer continues to grow rather quickly. Doctors are hesitant to treat the Leukemia because 1) more chemo could make me vulnerable to a fatal fusarium outbreak and 2) the treatment itself may be fatal. More tests are required to better assess the situation and present a potential treatment plan.

Even in the face of physical evidence to the contrary, I feel like I am getting stronger. Though the doctors say I am “cachectic,” I am gaining weight and walking better. The pain continues but is less than three months ago.

I know God will heal all his children in heaven, and believe he intends to heal me in this lifetime and grant Marcia and I more years of ministry together. He doesn’t have to do so. He is sovereign and his ways are so much higher than ours. While this further delay makes no sense to us, we know that our great God specializes in bringing good out of bad. His plan has always been a rescue mission to redeem us and “restore the years the locusts have eaten.”

One of my favorite stories is from the Old Testament. Because Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego would not deny their one true God, and because they would not bow down before  King Nebuchadnezzar, they were sentenced to death in a fiery pit. So real was the evidence of this fiery trial that some of the king’s own men died from its heat. But the three who were faithful proclaimed that their God would save them from the fire. And that even if he didn’t, they would not bow down to Nebuchanezzar.

We feel like we are in a similar position. As the real medical evidence heats up like a fire around us, we believe God will save us from this. But even if he doesn’t, he remains our true and faithful, merciful God.

So we live with one foot in heaven and one foot on earth. Truthfully, that is the plight of each of us, though we often live as if to deny it. We continue to fight the fight and to ask God for his guidance through this difficult part of the journey.

We’re thankful for insurance and hope things will work out so I can get the treatment I need. But God can heal me even without such treatment. And even if he doesn’t, he remains a good and gracious God, always faithful, always loving.

Thank you for your ongoing prayers too. They matter!