I am reading a book about one man’s experience with Leukemia. His words (distraught, fearful, nerve-wracking, dreadful, tragic, horrible) seem so strange to us in our journey. I fully understand how each person’s journey is unique to them, and also how extremely blessed I am in my situation. I have to remind myself that my body is battling a deadly disease because apart from being tired most the time I have no real suffering.
Even though we don’t yet have any solid prognostic information, we are not naive to the “statistics.” But we have no fear because our great God is not ruled by statistics. And besides, circumstances don’t have any hold on faith. Honestly, we have had only two things bring on tears:
1. The news that our move to pursue full time mission work in Bolivia is off the table for the foreseeable future until I am fully well.
2. When the body is so physically exhausted the emotional storm walls are easily and unexplainably breached, resulting in “tears without sadness.”
So why do I consider Leukemia to be a win-win situation? Let me paraphrase some basic ‘livable’ truths we hold to be ‘self-evident’:
1. Live or die, we belong to the Lord. Romans 14:8 (A life verse)
2. To live is Christ, to die is gain. Philippians 1:20-21
3. This present ‘suffering’ is not worth comparing to what the future holds. Romans 8:18
4. I believe God will save me from this fire. But even if He doesn’t, He will always be my One True God. Daniel 3:16-18
5. This light and momentary struggle is producing good things. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
6. God’s power is strongest in my weakness. 2 Corinthians 13:9-10
7. When something dies (part of my nature or myself) it bears fruit. John 12:24-26
8. What I am striving for, Jesus has already accomplished. Philippians 3:12
9. All things work for good for those who love God. Romans 8:28
10. Through Jesus we are more than conquerors. Romans 8:37-39.
I get it that some folks will think this sounds “churchy” or unrealistic. I also am aware of how imperfectly I live out these truths on a day to day basis. When something is true it isn’t changed by what we believe. But we are changed by the truth we believe.
Sometimes Jesus calms the storm. Sometimes He calms the sailor in the midst of the storm. Either way, He is the only one with power to bring about true peace.
It’s hard enough to see this illness eye to eye and say: I don’t fear you.
It’s even harder to understand that whether we deserve it or not, God is in control.
Yet only by acknowledging that, we are more than conquerors, because we know Whom we serve.
Bryan, Marcia… you’re truly being used by our God, Lord and Savior in perhaps what we see as a detour from your plans, but for a greater purpose. His ways are always better.
Blessed are you, that have the disposition to be used by Him.
Julia, I think it becomes easier when we finally realize that any attempt to control our own lives is an illusion. Give our love to everyone in the Cochabamba church!
Trust and obey takes on new significance as I watch you both trusting completely on Him. Great love n prayers go to you daily.