Confession is good for the soul. I have resisted this particular temptation for 15-20 years or more. I’ve especially fought hard against it during my three rounds of chemotherapy. I’ve recalled the true promise in 1 Corinthinans 10:13 which says: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
I’ve recited to myself over and over how God designed the body to behave in only a certain way, and violation of this is sure to bring discomfort and pain. But in a moment of weakness. . .
I threw up.
When nurses ask, “Have you thrown up today?” I respond, “No, it’s against my ‘religion.'” When they inquire further I tell them, “God designed the body for food to go in one end and out the other. I just want to honor Him.” This usually results in a chuckle or two. Of course, those who know me realize the funny thing is, I don’t believe much in ‘religion.’
According to wipipedia, “Religion is an organized collection of belief systems, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to spirituality and, sometimes, to moral values.” As a follower of Christ, I believe in the one true loving God who invites us to a personal relationship with Him. When I remain in this relationship, God lets me see the world through His eyes. The fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control) are available to those who remain in Him. As is strength to see suffering as ‘light and momentary,’ perseverence in the midst of struggles, and hope in seemingly hopeless situations.
Remaining in Christ is a decision we make hundreds of times a day. It is decided by what we choose to think about, what we do, how we respond to others, how we view the world around us. I think about the grapes that grow in my backyard. They don’t work and they don’t (as far as I know) develop “an organized collection of belief systems.” They just remain in the vine… and produce good fruit. My experience is that when it comes to the hopelessness of trying to keep a long list of do’s and don’ts, ‘purging’ can be a good thing.
And on an upbeat note, my blood counts are starting to increase and I am generally feeling better than yesterday. My goal is to get off the pain meds and to prove I can swallow real food on Thursday.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
As always, Bryan, you are eloquent in the face of adversity. Sorry to hear of your physical purging, but inspired by your spiritual purging. Let us always remain on the vine. Blessings!
AMEN!! Relationship not religion!!!!! Praying that you are able to eat and be off pain meds this day. Thanks so much for your posts Bryan – they have been very meaningful and helpful! Will send an update on prayer requests – hopefully tonight! Schedule has been a bit crazy lately 🙂 .
Bryan I’m so happy to hear your counts are improving!!! I know the days and nights are hard. You’re an inspiration and a true disciple. Please know my prayers continue for you. Please give Marcia a hug for me! Love to you both! Janet
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Thanks for those prayers, Janet. Today’s WBC jumped to 4.5 which is bottom of normal range and neutrophils at 2330. I need more red blood cells and also to be able to swallow real food. Then I should be released soon with this excellent progress note!
Keep chugging along! You’re comments about religion are pretty much why I didn’t turn back to God for 10 years. The religion got in the way of my faith and relationship with him. I couldn’t get past the money grabbers, hypocrisy, and mans’ hierarchy at churches visited, always hoping I’d connect and stay but ultimately just keep turning right back around and in turn, my back to the Father. I am grateful for you and your leadership in my once again newness in my faith. Thanks for keeping it real. I love you two very much…but hey, you already know that.
Thanks for the chuckle Bryan! I love reading your posts. We are so thankful that the counts are improving and pray that you will be able to eat “real food” soon:)
I find that I have to be patient with myself eating small amounts throughout the day rather than the full meals, which aren’t even an option. Sometimes it is one bite at a time. Isn’t it interesting that in the rough times of life God allows us to see the simpler things, almost in slow motion, and to enjoy His peace.
Hang in there Bryan. We pray the the pain and discomfort is behind you. For what it is worth i can remember throwing up several times when i went through chemotherapy. One time while i was in University Hospitals i almost threw up on my surgeon. We were both surprised. i just happens. Glad your counts are improving. God bless. Dave