Sleeping Boo
Marcia’s cat, Boo, was given to us when he was 1 or 2 years old. The son of a feral cat, Boo has always been a rather grumpy cat. He doesn’t like to be touched except to occasionally have his chin or ears rubbed. He can clearly say just one English word: “No!” But curiously, Boo likes to be near people, just not touched.
Over the 12-13 years Boo has owned us as caregivers, I’ve sought to help him enjoy the social side of life. Whenever I passed him I would quickly pet his back with just one gentle swipe. He would give me his “no” but before he could protest further I would be already gone. Then, when I caught him sleeping (which is most the time), I’d give him a chin rub, scratch his ears and pet his back for a longer time. He never seemed to mind this in his sleepy stupor. Over the years Boo would let me pet him more and more when he was awake. Admittedly, there are still times when he goes into a yoga “cow” position to avoid my approaching hand. But he has become more and more social. He even sometimes comes to lie in my lap when I am watching a movie!
It’s not been a matter of changing Boo. It has been an endeavor of learning to mutually appreciate one another. And I too have learned to appreciate this critter with a seemingly innate grumpy disposition.
I’m guessing you know someone who is by nature a bit grumpy, negative, and/or distant. Maybe they are like “sandpaper people who seem to always rub you the wrong way.” (Probably, we are sandpaper people to others too!) Perhaps you’ve tried to either change them or ignore them. But really, we don’t have the right to change others. Attempts to control others are generally well beyond our means and seldom work. It is as I learned from a career in working with adults with intellectual disabilities and behavioral challenges: we are more similar to one another than different. We all have filters through which we view our world, filters that sometimes skew our focus and understanding.
The opportunity we have is to help each other by creating environments that are conducive to change, conducive to making mutually beneficial social decisions. What kinds of things create an environment conducive to change? Surprisingly, you already know them and have them within your reach: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Against these things there is no law. And they all are hard to resist. All are really helpful in reducing the “sandpaper” nature in others AND us.
Be a peacemaker as you rub shoulders with others who are different from you. You never know what rough spots of yours might become smoothed and what you might learn in the process!
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.” Matthew 5:9