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Getting along with sandpaper people…and cats

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Sleeping Boo

Sleeping Boo

Marcia’s cat, Boo, was given to us when he was 1 or 2 years old. The son of a feral cat, Boo has always been a rather grumpy cat. He doesn’t like to be touched except to occasionally have his chin or ears rubbed. He can clearly say just one English word: “No!” But curiously, Boo likes to be near people, just not touched.

Over the 12-13 years Boo has owned us as caregivers, I’ve sought to help him enjoy the social side of life. Whenever I passed him I would quickly pet his back with just one gentle swipe. He would give me his “no” but before he could protest further I would be already gone. Then, when I caught him sleeping (which is most the time), I’d give him a chin rub, scratch his ears and pet his back for a longer time. He never seemed to mind this in his sleepy stupor. Over the years Boo would let me pet him more and more when he was awake. Admittedly, there are still times when he goes into a yoga “cow” position to avoid my approaching hand. But he has become more and more social. He even sometimes comes to lie in my lap when I am watching a movie!

It’s not been a matter of changing Boo. It has been an endeavor of learning to mutually appreciate one another. And I too have learned to appreciate this critter with a seemingly innate grumpy disposition.

I’m guessing you know someone who is by nature a bit grumpy, negative, and/or distant. Maybe they are like “sandpaper people who seem to always rub you the wrong way.” (Probably, we are sandpaper people to others too!) Perhaps you’ve tried to either change them or ignore them. But really, we don’t have the right to change others. Attempts to control others are generally well beyond our means and seldom work. It is as I learned from a career in working with adults with intellectual disabilities and behavioral challenges: we are more similar to one another than different. We all have filters through which we view our world, filters that sometimes skew our focus and understanding.

The opportunity we have is to help each other by creating environments that are conducive to change, conducive to making mutually beneficial social decisions. What kinds of things create an environment conducive to change? Surprisingly, you already know them and have them within your reach: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Against these things there is no law. And they all are hard to resist. All are really helpful in reducing the “sandpaper” nature in others AND us.

Be a peacemaker as you rub shoulders with others who are different from you. You never know what rough spots of yours might become smoothed and what you might learn in the process!

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.” Matthew 5:9

 

 

What Makes A Beautiful Life? Kindness

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MarciaWithGirlWho is the kindest person you know? My bride Marcia comes to my mind. It seems if there is a hurt to be healed, a loneliness to be comforted, a joy to share, she is on the spot to the job. This little girl in Bolivia crawled up into Marcia’s lap during school lessons. What would you say she is thinking? What do you notice about the kind people in your life?

Have you noticed that people who are characterized by genuine kindness and goodness seem to have a beautiful life? The fruit of the spirit indicates we should demonstrate both kindness and goodness. They share a lot of the same qualities: both are selfless, both extend good to another, both are generally given without anything expected in turn.

I generally think of kindness as those things we DO that doesn’t expect anything in return that involve a personal and intimate touch. For example, you have probably heard of and perhaps participated in random (better yet REGULAR) acts of kindness. Maybe you paid for the fast food takeout of the person in the car before you, or the entrance ticket for a stranger in line behind you. Maybe you have wiped the snow and ice off a car in the parking lot when no one expected, or simply held the door open for an approaching stranger at the store.

Reaching out to a particular person in need may be more reflective of a kind nature whereas writing a check to support needy children may be an act of goodness. You see in this case goodness also acts, but it is generally motivated by standing up for what is right, for fighting a worthy cause, for being virtuous. Kindness often does good things but goodness often goes to a deeper level of solving injustices.

I remember Larry Thorson talking about “sandpaper people,” you know those people that naturally just rub you raw. He talked about the virtues of extending goodness to these people because sometimes God intends for them to smooth out some of your own rough edges. (And by the way, YOU are sandpaper people to some people, and so am I.) goodness would approach these people instead of always walking away, praying for (or WITH) them instead of gossiping about them. Goodness is about doing the right thing when no one is watching.

What happens when each day you strive toward doing good in an increasingly wicked world? You bring light to darkness. And THAT makes for a beautiful life!