Tag Archives: Lillian Carter

Defibbing white lies

 

From early childhood, we’re told that lying is wrong and it leads to bad consequences. Kids get punished for lying and sometimes punished for admitting the truth.  As adults, we also get caught between the two. Sometimes we tell “little white lies,” thinking they aren’t so bad.

 

We encourage children to believe that Santa Claus brings their gifts in a sled drawn by flying reindeer and warn them if they misbehave he will put them on his “naughty list.” (The “good works gospel” starts young.) We tell them “the tooth fairy” will bring them money when their tooth comes out so they won’t be afraid. We tell them their nose will grow long like Pinocchio if they tell a lie or their teeth will grow green and fall out if they don’t brush their teeth. I told one of my young children his dinner was “river chicken” because he hated fish. Truth be told, all these fibs are eventually outed as lies (except maybe the river chicken one).

 

But it doesn’t stop with parents and children. You probably recognize some of these “adult” lies:

I’m fine (when you’re not).

Nothing’s wrong (when we’re really upset).

No officer, I didn’t realize how fast I was going (when we knew we were speeding).

Of course, I’m listening (when we’re not).

I’ll call you (when we have no intention of keeping in touch).

This was delicious (when it really was horrible).

Just kidding (when we really meant it).

Sorry, I’ve already made plans (when we want to get out of something).

Sure, I remember you! (when we don’t have a clue)

I’m five minutes away (when we haven’t even left yet).

 

Sometimes we tell lies to excuse ourselves from some wrong doing…like the cartoon of the little blue crayon explaining all the blue marks on the wall. “Red did it” was caption. Or like when I worked retail and forgot a frequent customer’s name. “I know your name but tell me again how you spell it?” (He slowly replied, “S-M-I-T-H”)

 

Sometimes we tell lies to be polite. One of my favorite illustrations of this was when Lillian Carter was interviewed by a reporter known for their unscrupulous reporting. Hoping to dig up some dirt on the president’s mother, the reporter asked Mrs. Carter, “Have you ever told a lie?” Mrs. Carter replied, “Once.” “When was that?” the reporter snickered. “Earlier when I said I was glad to meet you,” Mrs. Carter retorted.

 

Sometimes we tell “little white lies” that exaggerate the truth, like the big fish that got away or the extent of that brave deed we once performed. We also tell lies to avoid stress (“Of course, that dress doesn’t make you look fat!”) or to make ourselves look good.

 

But the truth is we all know that lying is deceptively wrong. It undermines trust. It inhibits our ability to work through real conflict. It compromises our moral beliefs. It encourages us to live shallow lives. And, as our mothers probably told us, it catches up with us and tarnishes our reputation. Additionally, lies take on their own life once the words leave our lips, wreaking consequences we didn’t intend. Let’s admit it. Lies, even those “little white lies” are bad for us.

 

So how about we make a pledge today that we’ll try to be more honest with ourselves and each other. Not brutal or uncaring, but honest. Let’s admit our forgetfulness and mistakes and own up to our insecurities and doubts. Let’s take a lesson from cardiac resuscitation and “defib” our own hearts and honor our character by protecting the truth in our lives.

 

Speak the truth

I think it was Jimmy Carter’s mother’ “Lillian,” who was being interviewed one day by a snippy young reporter known for twisting the truth in the articles she wrote. “Have you ever told a lie, Mrs Carter?” Asked the young reporter?” trying to get some dirt on the presidential family. Mrs Carter replied, “Well actually, yes… A few minutes ago, when I said It was nice to meet you.”

We laugh understandably at her reply. After all, how would you feel about someone who spoke sweetly to your face but unkindly to you when speaking to others? Or someone who gives one side of a story when talking with you but the other side when speaking to others? Their actions are considered two-faced and indicative of a lapse of integrity on their part, not to be trusted.

Living and speaking the truth becomes more challenging as our society wrestles and twists the meaning of truth. The United States Declaration of Independence acknowledges that “we hold these truths to be self-evident.” God’s truth, always considered to be absolute, has been challenged for the last 50+ years by universities that have professed that truth is relative and dependent on our interpretation of the situation. Recently, Google and Merriam-Webster have taken up to define the word “literally” in a nonliteral meaning: “Used to acknowledge that something is not literally true but is used for emphasis or to express strong feeling.” In other words, literally doesn’t mean literally in our new society.

But we are intended to live one true life that is consistent from one place and time to another, and consistent and honoring to God. And it is for our own benefit. Have you ever noticed that when you speak the truth you don’t have to worry about getting caught up in what you said to whom three weeks ago? 🙂

This is a basic leadership truth for living with integrity and respect of others: Always speak truth to all persons, with grace, and you will experience freedom.

What is the moral compass or plumb line that guides you in speaking and living with truth and integrity -with grace- each day and in all your interactions?

“To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Romans 8:31-32