Monthly Archives: December 2015

Good news edition

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Ready for some good news? Day 73:
We have verbal approval that Pfizer Pharmaceutical will provide the medicine Bryan needs to fight this blood infection…for free! $5,000 per month. This is such a relief and the final thing on the discharge checklist.

 

Pain, though still constant seems to be decreasing a little in intensity.
Some of the nodules look like they are decreasing in size. The lesions are
healing nicely… Just a matter of time.

 

Looking for discharge Thurs or Fri, depending on the coordination Home Health care services and actually receiving the medicine.

 

Praise God in the tough times. Praise him again when the good news comes!

 

Thanks for your prayers.
Bryan and Marcia

How do you attain the deeper life?

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You might think that the deeper life would be attained by more bible study, more prayer, more witnessing. But the deeper life, like life itself, is based on desire, not works. The deeper life is marked- by some of the things listed above. But unless you experience in your heart a longing desire to know Jesus more, even to participate in his sufferings, you will not likely find it. It will become a chore and tiresome pursuit.

 

How do you build such desire? It is not unlike your desire for your child or spouse. The more you spend time with them, value them, and learn about them the more you desire them.

 

The more we draw close to God the more we come to trust him and cherish our time with him. We learn that indeed “the Lord is good and his move eqndures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations* – even in painful situations, even in the midst of grief, even in sadness and times of feeling all alone. (* Psalm 100:5)

 

Being honest with yourself will help you with this matter of desire. When I look at where I send my time and money and the things that easily pull me toward them I can quickly scan where my desires are. I can say I love my family but if I am more eager to do something else, my real desire is not for my family.

 

As you spend time with God and pray and read his Word, consider his attributes. God is mighty, all powerful, just, compassionate, and full of mercy. His love endures through all generations. He is patient and faithful. He will not break a promise. You might do a study of the names of God and come to know he is the one who sees you where you are. He is your refuge, your friend, the one who has a good plan for your life.

 

Ask him to reveal more of himself to you. Ask him to show you how to look at people and possessions though the eyes of Jesus, so you can understand his will.

 

Let your desire for God grow in your heart. It’s a lifetime process and right here on the path with you.

 

Day 71 update

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The original skin lesions are healing nicely.

The painful nodules under the skin are NOT Sweet’s Syndrome. Docs think they are they remainder of the fusarium infection. The only treatment for these would compromise my immune system allowing the remaining cancer and the fusarium infection to expand. So we are waiting to see if the Voraconazole medicine will eventually dissolve these and relieve the pain.

 

The things affecting discharge next week are the funding for this expensive drug and my mobility. Walking is still painful and tiring but important to get the blood flowing and building strength.

 

Thankful for your prayers,

Bryan and Marcia Thayer

 

One desire

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Jim Caviezel played the role of Jesus in the movie The Passion of the Christ. It was a tough movie to watch because it so vividly portrayed the degree of pain and anguish Jesus endured for our behalf. It was a tough movie to make too. Caviezel recalls that during the filming, something went wrong in the flogging screen. The whip with metal ends was supposed to hit a pole hidden behind him but instead ripped into his back, requiring 14 stitches to repair the wound. Twice he dislocated his shoulder, once while carrying the cross and once when hanging on the cross and they dropped the cross into the hole. At the end of the filming while on the cross he said he was struck   by lightning. At one point he told God that if he was going to die in this role it would be his honor to do so.

 

Such is is the power of drawing close to Jesus. Paul wrote:

“I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” – Philippians 3:10

 

We all like the good times, but sometimes lack commitment when the tough times come. We all want to know the Jesus’ resurrection power in our lives, the same power that transforms us to live victorious lives. But how many want to participate in his sufferings, to be like him in his death? Caviezel observes, “Everyone wants resurrection. Few want suffering.” We all love Palm Sunday, waving palm branches and singing “Hosanna in the highest!” But we shy away from the night he was betrayed, his torture, and his agonizing execution on the cross.

 

A life of commitment, be it to your spouse, your unconditional love to your children, or your relationship with God – this life of commitment goes way beyond the fun times when all is well. The real test of commitment is when things go very bad.

 

Commitment is what you dedicate your life to. Caviezel says:

“I want to give my life for something. What better than to give my life to the one who gave his life for me?!”

 

Commitment is being ALL in. It’s like the baseball player running toward home plate and sliding into base giving everything he had, leaving nothing left over. One of my hospital aides talked about her husband who was “all in” for Hawkeye football. Whenever it’s game time, he has all his Hawkeye paraphenalia surrounding him, his Hawkeye attire, and the rituals he has set up. I wonder how life would change if we were as excited about our relationship with God as that man is about his team.

 

Ed Mc Cully was martyred in a river in Ecuador while trying to bring the gospel to the Huaorani people. He said,

“I have one desire now – to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy into it.”

 

He wasn’t speaking of being a reckless daredevil performing life endangering stunts. Rather, he spoke to prioritizing his time, energy, money, and ambitions. We can pour all these things into our hobby or lavish vacations or a stellar home. But in the end they all disappear. Only what’s invested for the Lord lasts for all time. McCully’s fellow missionary who was also martyred that dark day said,

“He is no fool who gives what he can’t keep to gain what he cannot lose.”       – Jim Elliott

What about you? As you consider the span of your life and eternity that follows, what’s the one great cause that you want to invest in with “reckless abandon?”

 

The deeper life -2

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In some ways our lives are rather shallow from a spiritual viewpoint. They include some religious behavior and perhaps genuine worship, but largely they are filled to the brim with all kinds of things that don’t add to our deeper goals. We have ambitions that have nothing to do with God and quite frankly, sometimes our passions for them exceeds our passion to draw closer to God. It’s like we think we have two lives to live, a sacred one and a secular one.

 

Those who choose the “deeper” life realize we have but one life to live – for God. One life whose consistent thread of devotion to God is woven through the fabrics of their everyday lives: their work, house chores, recreation … they seek to make everything they do an extension of God’s love and his will. More than that, they strive to BE the same man or woman of God regardless of their activity. They seek to bear the mark of Jesus in every setting.

 

They are marked by a keen sense of passion and purpose. Life goals and daily activities are evaluated against criterion that examine if they contribute toward those goals or distract from them. It’s not unlike living on a budget and battling impulse buying. The deeper life is a disciplined one. The runner who fixes their eyes on the goal wins the race. The ones who look behind them and into the crowds are more concerned with the thoughts of others than the prize before them. What type of runner do you want to be?

 

Of course, there are some seasons of life that are busier than others. One of my nurses was talking with Marcia and me about the busy season of her life, raising children, being a devoted wife, working a tough job, managing a household. “There just doesn’t seem to be enough balance,” she exclaimed. And while some seasons do offer more opportunity for reflection and pursuit of deeper things, all seasons offer some time and benefit from a purpose filled life.

 

We are, each of us, very much a work in progress. It’s a deeper walk and journey, not an earthly destination. It’s a journey marked by patience with yourself and daily surrender to God. The desire for the deeper walk is heightened when we finally come to the end of ourselves and we’ve been convicted enough is enough. For me, getting rid of anger and bitterness was not just brokenness but more of a breakdown. I was so disgusted at who I was becoming, I had to give it ALL to Jesus, with no take backs. Recently, we put our move to the Bolivian mission field on “Abraham’s altar” determined to be content if this is a delay or a permanent prohibition.

 

Are there things in your life that need to be surrendered? offer them to God with open hands. He may take them or let you keep them. What’s important to him is the genuineness of our hearts. Jesus said we can only follow him if we deny ourselves.

 

So let’s keep praying with David, “search my heart our Lord. See if there are any iniquities,” anything that stands between me and God. Help me release them forever in the power and name of Jesus, the cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back.

 

Just the right time

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Time is an odd phenomenon, isn’t it? We measure time in minutes, hours, days and years. Yet there parts of our life that seem to counteract time. No doubt you’ve watched a bad movie that seemed to drag on forever and also watched a more interesting one of the same length that seemed to fly by. Times of exhilaration often seem to go by too quickly. Times of suffering may seem unbearably long. Yet years later the time may have seemed to decrease. The passing of time offers perspective to see things more clearly – to those who look for it.

 

When you consider the battles you’re facing, is it the intensity of the struggle or how long it lasts that makes it so hard? In my situation with the ongoing weakness of Leukemia (weakness being it’s own form of pain) and the ongoing nerve pain, I realize it’s both. The intensity of pain (or sorrow) is one thing for sure. You can tolerate some pain that makes you uncomfortable or makes you sad. But with intense physical pain, depression, or inconsolable grief, you can’t ignore the crippling effect when it takes command of your entire life.

 

On the other hand, the increasing length of the unrelentless suffering has a cumulative affect. Imagine running a mile and having 10 pounds added to your body every 100 yards. You’d be crippled by the time you reached the end, IF you reached it. And the longer the suffering, the easier it is for our perspective to be one of despair and hopelessness. The psalmist asks, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” (Psalm 13:1) You feel alone and helpless.

 

But remember dear friend, God always shows up “at just the right time” to rescue us. (Romans 5:6) Galatians 4:4 says, “When the time had fully come.” It didn’t seem like just the right time to Mary and Martha. Their brother Lazarus was a dear friend of Jesus so they sent word asking Jesus to come when Lazarus was sick. But by the time Jesus finally arrived, Lazarus had died and was buried. Mary fell at Jesus’ feet pleading, “If only you had been here (earlier) my brother would not have died.” Maybe you’ve asked the same thing of God, “Where were you in my darkest hour, when I needed you most?” Still, Jesus was there at the right time to demonstrate his authority to raise Lazarus from the dead.

 

Perhaps we forget that Jesus is already right here with us right now, living within us, suffering with us, ready to speak peace and hope to our soul. Perhaps “Just the right time” means when we have finally come to the end of ourselves, powerless to continue in our own efforts, when the time had fully come for us to look to God alone as our refuge and strength, and not to our own wiles and senses. Perhaps just the right time is when we fully come to understand:

When Jesus is all we have, Jesus is all we need.

 

Have you come to that place of surrender and peaceful contentment with longing for nothing more than a deeper relationship with Jesus? Have you realized the truth of the old hymn:

“O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in his wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of his glory and grace.”

 

God showed up at just the right time to rescue us. I wonder if this is just the right time to finally turn everything over to him. Is there something you haven’t fully surrendered to God?  Maybe this is just the right time to seek the healer even more than the healing.