Tag Archives: Matthew 18

Understanding scripture: How many times must I forgive?

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During a recent ‘on the spot interview’ my wife and I were asked, “What advice would you give to someone considering marriage?” My wife quickly responded that you have to be willing to forgive, sometimes repeatedly; that marriage is a 100/100, not a 50/50 deal. (Hmm, I wonder why THAT came to her mind right away?)

 

Of course, she’s right. Marriage, and all close relationships, requires repeated forgiveness. You’ve been in this situation, haven’t you? You said or did something or you DID’NT say or do something that ended up hurting someone else.

 

Forgiveness is not only vital to the health of a marriage, it is essential to genuinely following Jesus. He not only talked the talk, He walked it too! In Matthew 6, He gives us an example of how to pray. We call it The Lord’s Prayer.

“And forgive us our debts (sins), as we also have forgiven our debtors (those who sin against us)” V12

 

To emphasize His point He quickly adds a promise and a warning:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Vs 14-15

 

Later…

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22

 

So to keep on the right side of things all we have to do is run the math, 7 X 70, and forgive someone up to 490 times, right? After that we can write the transgressor off and say, “No more buddy! I’m done with you!” Actually, that wasn’t what Jesus was saying at all. Rather, He was saying that forgiveness, like loving and believing, is an ongoing process that we keep on repeating. It has no end. It becomes who we are.

 

Whoa, you might be thinking no one deserves that many chances! From a human perspective, I might agree…EXCEPT, when I consider how many times I’VE had to come to God asking forgiveness for MY sins. How about you? Talking about running the math, what if you and I sin only once a day; 365 times a year?  I don’t know about you but that’s a pretty low estimation for me! Over 10 years, that is 3,650 times; over 20 years, 7,300 times; over 40 years, 14,600 times.

 

But the point isn’t the number of times we sin or ask forgiveness. The real understanding of these passages is that forgiveness is a continuous and integral part of being like Jesus. In fact, if we choose to NOT forgive someone, we are really choosing to NOT be like Jesus. To disobey Jesus is to set ourselves up as the Lord of our life. I know how that isn’t working well for me…how about you? Ask God to search your heart and reveal where forgiveness is needed. Then clear the path for restoration in your life.

 

 

Does Forgiving Others Make Me a Doormat?

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One Go Light your World reader asks what the bible says about forgiving others when they continue to be abusive. Such answers are difficult to provide in a 400-500 word blog post. But the bible is clear to provide guidance to us.

Matthew 6:7-15 instructs us to model our forgiveness by how God forgives us. Likewise, Ephesians 4:32 commands, “Forgive each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” In not forgiving others, when we ourselves have been granted such great forgiveness of our own wrongdoings, is to deny the presence of Jesus in our lives and to deny our trust in him. And denying Jesus is to miss heaven. Jesus tells the story in Matthew 18 of a man who was forgiven much but who then withheld forgiveness from someone who owed him little. Withholding the mercy that was shown to him, he was handed over to his tormentors. Such is our tortuous fate when we withhold mercy from others.

Forgiveness does not remove the negative consequences of the offense. I remember a man who asked the church for forgiveness for very serious offenses he had committed. I believe his repentance was most sincere, but he still had to do jail time for his crimes and in the process was separated from his church and his family. You can say, “I forgive you but I do not trust you, for your continued actions are indeed untrustworthy.” This is particularly true of an unrepentant person. Luke 17:3-4 says, “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” I’m not sure that full forgiveness without such repentance is actually possible or biblical. Even if you are able to forgive the person for their offense, the intimacy of the relationship will not be able to be completely restored until they repent. That same separation protects you from being a ‘doormat’ for continued abuse. And yet we are commanded still to love and pray for them, even if forgiveness is not possible.

And yet, unrepentance is not a complete barrier to forgiveness. On the cross (Luke 23:34), Jesus asked his father God to forgive those who knew not what they were doing. They hadn’t repented but still he forgave them. In the end forgiveness is a matter of the heart. The heart that is found in Christ, is able to forgive others in his power. It is able to pray for God’s best for that person and seeking his strengthening presence in your own life.