Tag Archives: Ken Sande

Don’t Drop Your Weapons

No right-minded soldier would drop their weapons in the middle of heated conflict. Neither should we in our pursuit of peace. It may sound strange to speak of weapons and peace together, but that is how it is described by Ken Sande, author of Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict.

Everyone encounters conflict in their life. Some of it is good to get differences of opinion and facts out in the open. However much of the time conflict becomes a destructive process because the wrong ‘weapons’ are used, like defensiveness, anger, self-justification, and gossip. Sande reminds us that scriptural ‘weapons’ are actually effective in real life. These include: scripture, prayer, truth, righteous (Ephesians 6:10-18), and the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). (Galatians 5:22-23)

These are the tools that help us pursue peace and conflict resolution. They help us to seek first to understand and then to be understood. They elevate the other person’s interest while making your principles and interest clear. They help us approach others with respect. Held firmly, not meekly, scriptural weapons defuse anger, resentment, jealousy, disrespect, and other emotions that incite further conflict and derail the resolution process. They are the same weapons Jesus used to defeat satan. We are well counseled to use them also.

What conflict are you facing? Take time to reflect on Romans 12:14-21 and become skilled at using the ‘weapons’ of peace so you can stand your ground as a peacemaker.

The Four Promises of Forgiveness

In his book, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Conflict, Ken Sande shares four promises essential to forgiveness:

“I will not dwell on this incident.”
“I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
“I will not talk to others about this incident.”
“I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”

Making – and keeping – these promises removes the barriers that create and maintain conflict in a relationship. They bring you and the other person closer whereas not forgiving drives you apart. Remembering that these are the same promises God makes when forgiving us should serve as motivation for us to be faithful in keeping these promises with others.

Have you tried to keep these promises and not succeeded? Maybe you are trying to forgive in your own power. The best reconciliation efforts are those surrendered to God. Take your struggles to him and let him guide and equip you to be a peacemaker in your relationships today.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32