In his book, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Conflict, Ken Sande shares four promises essential to forgiveness:

“I will not dwell on this incident.”
“I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
“I will not talk to others about this incident.”
“I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”

Making – and keeping – these promises removes the barriers that create and maintain conflict in a relationship. They bring you and the other person closer whereas not forgiving drives you apart. Remembering that these are the same promises God makes when forgiving us should serve as motivation for us to be faithful in keeping these promises with others.

Have you tried to keep these promises and not succeeded? Maybe you are trying to forgive in your own power. The best reconciliation efforts are those surrendered to God. Take your struggles to him and let him guide and equip you to be a peacemaker in your relationships today.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32