Monthly Archives: April 2013

Gentleness

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imageBrother Bruce returned from another photo journey last week to capture a moment in our own unexpected journey. I like this image with the angular lines in the Leukemia quilt behind us. Several of them have names and short sentiments, hopes and dreams written on them. The sharp angles seem to emphasize the sudden turns in our lives and stand at contrast with the softer, gentler character that is often at work in times like these. Our gaze speaks to a great love that continues to grow through so many years, joys, and adversities.

Marcia and I have been married for over forty years. We were best friends and then childhood sweethearts for five years before our wedding. We have grown close over the years, some years better than others, but all good, especially once we learned to stop striving with each other. Ever since our first wedding anniversary it has been our tradition to remember the highlights of that year AND each previous year. At some point, celebrations became so numerous we had to switch to decades of memories. On our fortieth anniversary we reflected on the most inspiring people, places and events in our lives.

We’ve had our days making one month plans in the event that the transplant doesn’t take or infection takes its toll. This seems prudent for ALL of us; no one has a guarantee for tomorrow. But we are also making plans for how we want to spend the next 20+ years of our lives, living gently with each other and those around us, here and hopefully in Bolivia and wherever God sends us.

This is one of several blessings that we have unpacked from the package of cancer. It has drawn us each closer to God, and also closer to each other. Really good marriages can get better yet! A large influence on this is learning to pay better attention to each other. In the movie Shall We Dance, Susan Sarandon’s character Beverley makes a poignant observation: “Why do you think people get married? Passion? No. There’s a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does any one life mean? But in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything – the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things. All of it. All the time, every day. You’re saying, “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.”

We have opportunity to express this same gentle spirit that Jesus gives us to share to others around us. A marathon runner down the hall from me is courageously walking the halls to build strength after being hit with Leukemia. Life is fragile. Practice the art of living it gently.

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Philippians 4:5

What Makes A Beautiful Life? Kindness

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MarciaWithGirlWho is the kindest person you know? My bride Marcia comes to my mind. It seems if there is a hurt to be healed, a loneliness to be comforted, a joy to share, she is on the spot to the job. This little girl in Bolivia crawled up into Marcia’s lap during school lessons. What would you say she is thinking? What do you notice about the kind people in your life?

Have you noticed that people who are characterized by genuine kindness and goodness seem to have a beautiful life? The fruit of the spirit indicates we should demonstrate both kindness and goodness. They share a lot of the same qualities: both are selfless, both extend good to another, both are generally given without anything expected in turn.

I generally think of kindness as those things we DO that doesn’t expect anything in return that involve a personal and intimate touch. For example, you have probably heard of and perhaps participated in random (better yet REGULAR) acts of kindness. Maybe you paid for the fast food takeout of the person in the car before you, or the entrance ticket for a stranger in line behind you. Maybe you have wiped the snow and ice off a car in the parking lot when no one expected, or simply held the door open for an approaching stranger at the store.

Reaching out to a particular person in need may be more reflective of a kind nature whereas writing a check to support needy children may be an act of goodness. You see in this case goodness also acts, but it is generally motivated by standing up for what is right, for fighting a worthy cause, for being virtuous. Kindness often does good things but goodness often goes to a deeper level of solving injustices.

I remember Larry Thorson talking about “sandpaper people,” you know those people that naturally just rub you raw. He talked about the virtues of extending goodness to these people because sometimes God intends for them to smooth out some of your own rough edges. (And by the way, YOU are sandpaper people to some people, and so am I.) goodness would approach these people instead of always walking away, praying for (or WITH) them instead of gossiping about them. Goodness is about doing the right thing when no one is watching.

What happens when each day you strive toward doing good in an increasingly wicked world? You bring light to darkness. And THAT makes for a beautiful life!

Faithfulness

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FAITHFULNESS

What does faithfulness mean to you? We speak of faithfulness in marriage, holding true to each other, honoring one another, always protecting and cherishing each other, forsaking all others so we can remain faithful to the one who has chosen us.

We speak of faithfulness to virtues and values that we hold to always be true. Because they don’t change they create for us a moral compass to guide us safely in the journey of life decisions.

We speak of faithfulness to self, being true to who we are in God’s sight, regardless of how we feel about that.

We speak of faithfulness to God. And yet with the way we live such distracted and half-hearted lives, running after every other trivial pleasure, we may have good cause to ponder this.

I think most people believe that faithfulness matters, to some degree. But in a society that advances the notion that truth is relative, faithfulness is also under attack. If we believe the lie that truth changes according to our interpretation of the circumstance, then our faithfulness to that truth or moral standard will also be compromised.

I just wonder how important faithfulness is revealed in the course of our daily activities. Maybe today is the day to take a stand for faithfulness in one or more areas of your life. It starts with a single decision to let our lives reflect God’s great love and faithfulness to us.

For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. Psalm 33:4

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Psalm 36:5

My Apologies

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I apologize. I didn’t mean to cause alarm with the “staff” (not staph) infection cartoon. It was a poor misguided attempt to share a laugh and I’m sorry to have raised any alarm. I had this particular post set in the queue a few days in advance and didn’t think of the timing.

However I did spike a fever throughout the night with severe heartburn, chills and sweats. Not being a heartburn sufferer I never thought it was a big deal. I certainly didn’t know it could drop you to your knees. After several attempts to control it they finally gave me a maalox and lidocaine cocktail plus IV pronotix. That seems to have brought considerable relief, though I am now completely worn out. I didn’t have this with the other chemo but I’m told it is all part of the territory. The chemo ‘burns’ away the lining of the whole GI tract from nose and mouth to bottom and that can create havoc for weeks after the chemo is ‘done.’

One of the nurses prayed for me this morning which touched my soul. We are not immune to suffering in this life and yet none of our suffering compares to that which our gracious Jesus endured for us. And much of the suffering can make us stronger and serve to benefit the kingdom if we let it. We can’t always ignore our troubles but the key really is to keep our eyes on Jesus, not on our problems. It is cliche but oh so true:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

In perspective I think I am doing well and the doctor agrees. It takes time and there will be some tough weather ahead. But we have an amazing God to guide me through that!

Thank you for your tender care and prayer coverage.

Infection

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Being a former music major, I should have seen this coming!

Actually, I am doing well. Some days are harder to push through the exercise of course, but God will use trials to make us stronger, if we let them. Emily Foval shared this song “Stronger” by Mandisa to illustrate this point. Click here to listen to it on You Tube:
http://youtu.be/U3TPq8ZSvTk

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10

Patience with others and self: T Day +1

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image

A fruit tree is known by the fruit it bears. If it bears apples it is an apple tree. If it is a Kantuta, it resembles the national flower of Bolivia, not apples. Pretty simple, right? So what kind of fruit do YOU regularly bear in your life? The bible gives clear and practical advice about this. It says the fruit God wants to see in us is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. (Galatians 5:22-23) We will not likely demonstrate all this fruit all the time, but gradually over time, as we ask the Holy Spirit, He is faithful to make these become recognizable as our general character.

Looking at patience again today, how patient are you with your self? Do you drop something or bump into something and call yourself clumsy or some other negative term? Or do you simply admit a mistake and move on? In dealing with preserving self conversations do you constantly play negative self tapes describing how unworthy you are and listing all your faults, or do you quickly bring these to God and remember how He sees you as His beloved child?

Patience with self requires us to see ourselves in God’s eyes. If we belong to Him, we can have great patience with ourselves because He has so greatly been patient with us. When we confess our wrongs He instantly forgets them. This allows us to be patient with others, bearing them grace and not keeping a record of all their wrongs. Practicing patience with self and with others brings peace of mind and makes way for love and joy to grow in your life and in others’ lives. If I have wronged you, let me know; I need your forgiveness. If you have wronged me, I have already forgotten it.

Got patience? You could wait for a trial to produce it. But it is also a choice you can make right now, and each day.

 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

3.4 million young stem cells can’t be wrong!

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imageMy 19 year old donor’s cells came at 1:30 pm today. The nurse said it was loaded with 3.4 million stem cells. I received these through an IV over a two hour period with no complications. Washing them down with an Italian dinner from Olive Garden probably helped, thanks to my brother and sister who stayed with me and treated me to a delicious lunch. Nurse Janet Johnson also paid a special visit and contributed more than she knows to the process!

[wpvideo 3eI1IaGT]In this short video you can see the masses of stem cells rushing eagerly right to left. God designed them to know to go right to my bone marrow cavities where they will settle in for a day or two and then start producing new healthy blood cells in a couple of weeks.

imageSome of the staff brought me a Happy T Day balloon, accompanied with song and a certificate authorizing me to celebrate two birthdays each year, since April 4 is the day I get my new blood DNA. Over the course of the next few months my blood type will change from B positive to my donor’s O positive. Just as long as I’m still positive, I’m fine with that!

Thanks to everyone for the continued prayers and well wishes as I move to the precarious waiting zone.

Transplant Day Zero – Patience Endures

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imageThis is Bill. His Dad Terry had a stem cell transplant Tuesday. His hometown team had T Shirts made up in honor of the event saying “Life Begins on Day Zero: Hope. Fight. Win.” Big ‘new life birthday party.’ Cool idea.

Today, is my scheduled stem cell transplant day. . . My Day Zero. Which means my son Dan and I will share a birthday for the first time in our lives. 🙂 Beyond today, there will be weeks of waiting for the donor graft cells to find their God ordained place in my body and start to make healthy blood cells; during this time I have no natural immune system to protect me from infections, so this is the dangerous time waiting for the “reboot sequence” to complete itself.

In the end, there is a lot of waiting that remains. Don’t you hate waiting? It seems so unproductive. And the way we do it with worry or even over planning can be counterproductive. But let’s not be lazy with passive waiting. There is a better way! Waiting looks away from the troubles and looks to God’s perspective. This is one of the most profound business and spiritual lessons I have ever learned. You have to take your eyes off the problem to see the solution.

God’s perspective calls us to compare our wants and desires with ones that are more noble, the impact of our choices on those we care about. God wants us to talk with Him about these things…often. You can talk out loud or in your mind, but keep the communication lines open, even if you are currently angry with Him, disappointed with Him, feel far away, or not even sure He exists….tell Him what is in your heart. He already knows, he just wants to hear directly from you. Ask Him to speak to you. Listen to Him. Talk with a trusted mature Christian friend, read the bible.

Don’t wait passively. Patience requires waiting. Waiting involves ACTION. What action will help you wait today? Maybe today is YOUR “Day Zero.”

Or maybe TODAY is YOUR day for ACTION. If you are 18-44, be a brave young soul who signs up at www.bethematch.com – click on join the registry for all you need to know. Four cotton swab samples of your inner mouth are all you need to get started to SAVE A LIFE!

PS- don’t miss out on the ‘replies’ from Go Light Your World community members. Many of them share truths that speak to my heart, which is part of the purpose of the blog…To grow community that lights their world! Check back later for additional “Day Zero” Transplant Update.

Endure troubles while you wait (Romans 8:25)

Practice joy, hope, patience, prayer while you wait. (Romans 12);

Anticipate receiving the promises of God (Hebrews 6:15)

Remain faithful while you wait. (revelation 14:12

Prep For Stem Cell Transplant Day T-1

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In a break from some of the more serious things, let me give a brief picture of hospital mundane. My day at the U of I Transplant Center starts at 12:30-1 a.m. with vitals checks, then a 4:00 a.m. blood draw to see how my blood counts are dropping. I use Glad Press and Seal to keep my arm PICC line from getting wet in the shower. Back to electric razor cuz my platelets are too low to heal cuts and bruises. Oral care is a BIG part of the routine cuz the meds cause bad sores. Staying active and too much exercise is a balance. Cardio is contraindicated because it robs the ability to make sufficient blood cells and get enough oxygen to the body.

They have me on steroids to counter some side effects of the chemo and Graft Versus Host Disease. The steroids make me weepy so I guess God thinks I need to be more sensitive to menopausal women:
BT- what’s wrong? Woman- I don’t know.
BT – why are you crying? Woman – I don’t know!
BT – I understand. Woman – why are YOU crying?
BT – It’s the steroids. Woman – I understand.
(I don’t want to be ungrateful for God’s lessons, but personally I am glad I only have another day on steroids!)

It is very busy here. The good part is that I have time to talk with nurses, housekeepers, aides etc, and opportunities for prayer are welcomed by some of them, at a meal, or chat. I am always surprised and a bit saddened when someone responds by saying no one has ever offered to pray for them before. I think it was Willy Neudahl who introduced me to praying for my waiters and waitresses. Thank you Willy!

I am negotiating early release to work with my transplant doctor. I know none of this is much in our control except that I am fighting this really hard. But someone has to beat the averages, so I’m buckin’ for that job. I told the doctor today I was pretty sure she just wanted me in the program to boost her outcome numbers cuz I am so darn healthy. She laughed out loud and while not confessing, I think we found an understanding, I like Dr Silverman. She is up front with me.

There is a lot of waiting. My donor’s cells were to be collected yesterday and I am to get them Thursday in a twenty minute procedure. Then we wait a couple of weeks for them to start to graft. I will get some shots to encourage the process. I’m thinking my friend Chuck Jackson knows a lot about grafting trees and may have some special miracle grow or Miracle Max to help the process along. Speak up Chuck. Science needs you.

Well, there’s some of the routine, sparing you the indignities. Truly we are doing well. God is VERY good to me. Marcia and I are making realistic contingency plans for the next couple months but we are spending MORE time planning how we will spend the next 25 years living out our lives together! Enjoy the life you have been given! Find the blessings in the box.