Monthly Archives: January 2013

Belief Trumps Attitude

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I am learning some important lessons in this journey. For example, as strength varies throughout the day and when appetite diminishes, I learn to eat my ice cream FIRST! 🙂

I have heard many folks say we have good spirits or a strong attitude in the face of this cancer. The simple truth is this:

“Our gospel came to you not simply with words, but with POWER, with the Holy Spirit, and with DEEP CONVICTION. The word of God is AT WORK in you who BELIEVE.” 1 Thessalonians 1:5,13

None of us get this right all the time. We all get distracted. (For example, getting up the courage to eat was sometimes a struggle for me during the chemo, as was forcing myself to walk at least a half mile on my weakest days.) But God’s Word promises there is real power available to those who believe it…power to live out our moment by moment lives according to what we believe.

I remember teaching a values clarification class on stress management years ago to a group of adults with mental illness. In the middle of the discussion, a young man raised his hand and asked, “So you are saying that whenever we act in ways that contradict our true beliefs, we will always experience stress?” Exactly!

Belief is an active word. It doesn’t just refer to an historical discovery of some principle. True belief drives us to present action despite what circumstances may present themselves. We choose to love in unlovable moments. We keep quiet when we are tempted to complain about someone. We reach out when we are inclined to withdraw. We believe even as doubts cross our mind.

When the Bible says ‘believe’ it actually means “Keep on believing.” We can’t simply rely on a past decision or experience. We have to keep believing in the midst of each circumstance, the great ones and the challenging ones. True belief reminds us of our passion and purpose and doesn’t let the storms of life distract us. True belief keeps us focused with eyes firmly fixed on our goal, so we can continue to press on toward the prize we seek.

Dealing with this Leukemia requires all the prayers that many of you are offering on behalf of Marcia and me. (It matters!) And it requires believing and acting on belief, in what is and always has been true, and always will be true.

Reflecting On The Gift Of Life

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One of the Leukemia patients on the unit is dying tonight.

Appointments are God ordained. As we talked ever so briefly with a family member, we find that the end has come quickly. Severe infection set in suddenly before a bone marrow transplant could be performed.

Sometimes a hug speaks what words cannot.

The staff carry on, but it is obvious this is not just their job. They become involved and attached as they walk a difficult path along side patients and their loved ones.

We pause for reflection on the gift of life and the relationships that make it worthwhile.

Living Beyond Circumstance

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In our daily walks through the two hospital units, it is evident that everyone here has an important and often tough job. The needs of many patients are very intense. Some days are just busy while others are crazy-chaotic. You can see it on the faces of the caring workers, even through veiled smiles.

As we interact with the staff, we notice that none are immune to the pressures of caring for others, learning a new documentation system, and just coping with life. But even with this commonality, there IS a noticeable difference:

Some people make their day; for others, the day makes them.

Life happens TO some people and determines how their day goes, like a boat being tossed from wave to wave. Others view life through a different lens, one that sees circumstance as ever-changing, but without the power to sink their ship. An inner truth, not circumstance, guides their response to life.

This is not some sort of “master of my own fate” concept. Personally, it seems that such control is illusionary at best. Rather, it is being fully-persuaded that God’s purpose and power supersedes the ‘stuff’ life throws us; it is the discovery that there is reason to give thanks IN (if not for) all circumstances. None of us become perfect masters of our daily perspective. (That is why we need each other!) But when we discipline ourselves to pursue truth and grace and let those be our guide, then mere circumstance loses its power over us.

What controls your life?

“Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

A Time To Run – A Time To Be Still

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We just realized that I’ve completed my first “Leukemia Marathon” here at Mercy Hospital, over 26.2 miles. And it only took me 30 days to finish the job, one very slow quarter-mile at a time! 🙂

The second round of chemo is more exhausting than the first, I suppose because my body didn’t have opportunity to really bounce back before getting knocked down again. Some days are made for resting, not ‘running.’

Knowing how tired I’ve been getting, one of my dear nurses gave me a huge mug with just the message I needed for today:

Be still and know that I am God. – Psalm 46:10

This has long been one of my favorite verses and one of great encouragement. It reminds me that God is more than enough when I stop striving and just be still before Him. Resting does not come easy to me, in fact it often fights against my nature. But God’s solution for us often does go against our nature.

Don’t we all have areas of our lives where we just need to be still before God?

Faith still climbs mountains

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True faith is a gift from God. It comes from His amazing grace and continual desire to draw close to His creation. But what we do with this gift determines a great deal about how our life will unfold.

We can ignore it and gradually, like an unwatered plant it will whither, grow dormant, or even die. We can nourish it with periodic church attendance, bible study, occasional prayer, positive thinking, and the likes. And we might find this faith a welcome friend, although perhaps not strong enough to whether the toughest of storms. Worse yet, sometimes we place our faith in unsustainable sources: untrustworthy friends, finances, health, science, politics, sometimes even family. My personal experience is that only the faith that continues to grow daily in the One True God offers real and lasting hope. Over time this faith becomes the most practical expression of daily living and speaks to all everyday problems and circumstances.

As I interact with the nurses here at the hospital, I can usually clue in to which days are more chaotic than others, which ones just pull them down. Today, in connecting with one such dear nurse, I reminded her of the true story when Jesus spoke and calmed a storm. I told her that He could do that for her now, and also that even if her storm continues, He can calm HER heart in the midst of the storm.

This is almost always our personal experience in our current cancer storm. The storm continues, but God calms our hearts. We have made consistent faith deposits in good times so we have an abundant account from which to draw upon now. Faith is also like a muscle you exercise regularly so that it is ready to bear the weight required of it.

But all this talk of rising above the storm, staring cancer in the face with strong resolution is not the talk of a “super-Christian”, far from it! Faith is simply lived out, imperfectly, day by day, and usually moment by moment.

Faith still needs to climb mountains, it still needs to go through the valleys.

Today, I find my mind thinking and talking to my body about this second round of chemo as my stomach starts to react negatively. Worry still tries to creep in. But worry is counterproductive. Essentially, worry is the prayer of the atheist. This quote I found today speaks good advice when we start to worry:

“Don’t waste your energy on worry.

Use your energy to BELIEVE.”

What do you choose to believe in so much that it guides your consistent and intentional thoughts and actions throughout the activities of your day? What faith growingly consumes your passion and fills you with purpose? May it be a faith that is completely trustworthy, a faith that will climb mountains.

Meet Thuong

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Like many of the relationships God is building here at the hospital, we met Thoung on one of our daily walks. With her permission, let us tell you about this remarkable young lady. (I say young lady because she reminds us she could be our daughter! 🙂

image
Here, Thuong is pictured with her new friend, Marcia. Here at the hospital, it seems I live in an, “Everyone Loves Marcia” world… Sometime I am sort of the “side kick with cancer.” Which is quite understandable because she is after all, so utterly amazing. 🙂

Our relationship with Thuong began with smiles in the hallway and thanking her for the important job she has delivering supplies to all the rooms. This simple gesture has resulted in numerous visits with Thuong. Through these we learned how she escaped communist Vietnam as a teenager, how she met her husband in a refugee camp in the Philippines, how she has grown into adulthood in the United States. We have learned about her family and she about ours. As we begin to share our faith, she kindly tells us that she is Buddhist. And so on this basis, we begin our friendship.

Thuong has actually been ministering to us this past week, bringing us two delicious home-cooked Vietnamese meals to our room. (I have been so touched and humbled by hospitality of others. It spurs me on to be more intently sensitive to others.) When she came back to our room today after her shift ended, we learned more about this incredibly brave woman who speaks of leaving destructive country specific customs and forging NEW relationship patterns. (It is interesting to hear this gentle Buddhist lady speaking of such basic Christian truth, that we are not bound to our past, that new beginnings, in Christ, are available to us now.) We talked about God’s plan for the sanctity of marriage, calling on the Ephesians 5 passage about the Love and Respect husband and wife need to demonstrate to each other.

Without this “extra month” in the hospital we may have not had the opportunity to discover this chapter in our relationship with Thuong. We are very happy to get to know this remarkably kind, generous, brave, and compassionate woman, and look forward to many more visits. I wish the picture conveyed the brilliance of her warm smile.

Postscript: I am old enough to have lived through a number of Evangelistic campaigns and methods. Sadly, many of these seemed to be more concerned with befriending people with the primary purpose to convert them, but not to really love them. If you are a nonChristian reading this, I am guessing you may know what I mean. Yes, believing Christians are motivated by the great commission call to make disciples, baptize, and teach everything Jesus has taught us…and to do so with urgency, because we are not guaranteed another day on this earth. We believe that the choices and relationships we make effect eternity. But. . .

. . . over the years, it has seemed to me that we should let the love us Jesus shine in and through our lives, and let HIM touch others through us. Some relationships will last for a season or for a lifetime. Others will last for all eternity. It is Jesus who changes others, not us. We simply are called to love Him and love others in His name.

I’ll close with a quote from an Anglican bishop who decades ago wrote a personal letter to me advising:

“Let us remember to hold hands
as we climb the mountain of God together.”

Live life!

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There are some words you never tire of hearing:
“I love you. I forgive you. Be my friend.”

There are others that are less inviting to hear:
“You have Leukemia.”
And after 27 days of treatment… “You STILL have Leukemia.”

We learned yesterday that there were more “blasts,” though only 10% compared to my original 96%. And so in the last 24 hours we have been contemplating two possible scenarios: 1) all is well (blasts might be normal); go home today or 2) the Leukemia is more resistive than anticipated and we basically start over with another 7 day round of chemo and another month hospital stay. It has been a day and night of pursuing faith in the midst of honest questions and human emotions.

Today’s news: The Leukemia remains.

But before anyone responds with, “How terrible,” we were instantly reminded that another month stay here means more opportunity to grow relationships here at the hospital, and that wherever God places you is a good place to be. My devotion for today is from Colossians 1:10-13 (summarized):
Live a live worthy of the Lord.
Bear fruit. Grow. Be strengthened. Have great endurance and patience.
Joyfully give thanks.

With the opportunity to continue to grow relationships here, I was not surprised to wake up this morning with this song on my mind, Mighty To Save…Let the words speak deeply to you today as they do to me:
V1
Everyone needs compassion, love that’s never failing, let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, the Hope of nations.
CHORUS:
Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.
Forever, author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave.
V2
So take me as you find me, All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow, Everything I believe in,
So I surrender.
(Repeat chorus)
Chorus 2:
SHINE YOUR LIGHT and let the whole world see,
We’re singing to the glory of the risen King!
(Repeat chorus 1)

Waiting

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Day 27
We continue to wait for results of two of the three components to the bone marrow test they did on Monday. This news will give us the first clue about what lies ahead with my particular situation.

As everyone knows by personal experience, waiting often seems harder than actually getting the news. But Nurse Ashley brings perspective by reminding me that my weakest day (today) is better than most patients’ best days. Clearly, without a doubt, when I am weak it is GOD who strengthens sustains me by faith and grace. When I am down, it is HIS joy that I can extend to others. Quite honestly, it perturbs me to find myself frustrated at little things that shouldn’t hold any part of my attention. But even when my eyes fall off the goal momentarily, God is always faithful to draw me back.

While currently serving also to update people about my Leukemia, this blog is NOT about us. It is a tribute to our faithful God who no matter where we go, is always ready and waiting to welcome us with open arms. That is the purpose of Go Light Your World, to spread the good news that there is power and hope for living in a troubled world. It serves to remind others:

“You were created for a specific purpose. You are not alone.
God has a great plan for you. There is hope.”

Bringing the light of Jesus into a dark world is the greatest adventure you will find in a lifetime. Go Light Your World.